Journeys toward spiritual maturity among Korean immigrant women in midlife.

Kim, Hyejeong ; Pak, Jenny

As one of the essential elements of the human experience, spirituality has received much attention in academic circles, particularly in the last decade. Despite the universality of spiritual practice, the definition of spiritual maturity varies widely among different social and cultural contexts, even within the broad spectrum of Christian practice. However, academic studies of Christian spiritual maturity have often drawn attention to the relational nature of God, and have further pointed to the relational aspects of Christian spiritual practice. Benner (1989) defined Christianity as the human response to God's gracious invitation to a relationship with himself. Moberg (2001) extends this understanding to an individual's relationships with fellow Christians in a spiritual community that "shapes personal spirituality that nurture one's relation with God" (p. 86).

A theoretical definition of Christian spiritual maturity then, might include some qualitative understanding of interpersonal relationships as well as the perceived relationship between the individual and God. Shults and Sandage (2006) suggest that spiritual maturity is the result of spiritual transformation towards qualitatively more complex relationships with self, others, and God. This definition of spiritual transformation does not "mean merely gaining more knowledge about spiritual issues, or even adding to our repertoire of practices, but developing qualitatively more complex ways of holding and being held in relation to others and the Other" (p.18). Shults and Sandage's definition also corresponds to biblical passages indicating loving God and others is the ultimate goal of Christians, as these are the two greatest commandments (Deut. 6:4; Luke 2:52). For this study, Christian spiritual maturity indicates growth in developing intimate relationships with self, others and God.

Previous research has examined the intricate connection between individuals' relationship with God and their relationships with others (Benner, 1989; Conn, 1989; Ciarrochi, Dy-Liacco, Piedmont, & Williams, 2009; Dy-Liacco, Piedmont, Murray-Swank, Rodgerson & Sherman, 2009). Furthermore, some researchers have attempted to develop a cohesive theoretical framework to determine the link between psychological maturity and spiritual maturity (Allport, 1950; Hall, 1996; Kirkpatrick, 1995). In particular, recent relational theories, such as Object Relations Theory and Attachment Theory, have contributed greatly to understanding this link (Hall, 1996; Kirkpatrick, 1995) by building on the distinctions between intrinsic and extrinsic frameworks (Allport, 1950). However, they were developed in an individualistic culture such as the United States, and their application to Christians in a collectivistic culture such as Korea appeared to have limitations (Choi, Kim, Lee, & Lee, 2002). These limitations originate from the difference in cultural practices, ideas, and behaviors associated with spiritual maturity in the U.S. and Korea (Kang, 2004).

In fact, because of the fundamental cultural differences between these two countries, the ideas and beliefs about spiritual maturity within the two cultures greatly differ. Korea can be characterized as a collectivistic society, whereas the U.S. can be classified as an individualistic society (Markus & Kitayama, 1991; Triandis, 1995). According to Hui and Triandis (1986), in collectivistic cultures, interdependence (concern for others) is the main value, which stresses loyalty, harmony, and strong affectionate bonds among members. However, in individualistic cultures, independence (autonomy) is of primary importance, where personal goals and self-actualization are highly valued. Consequently, while Americans typically look at individuality and personal behaviors to measure spiritual growth, Koreans are more likely to use communal values as measurements of growth. These differences in culture explain the reasons underlying the different understanding of the marks of spiritual maturity between the two cultures. Even though they share the same biblical principles regarding spiritually mature relationships (e.g., loving God and loving others), their concepts of "mature" behavior and its outworking in relationships are different.

The significant impact of individuals' cultures on their spiritual journey was also supported by several cross cultural studies conducted in Korea. For example, Choi et al. (2002) found that there was no significant correlation between extrinsic religiosity (religious activities within the church community) and spiritual immaturity in the Korean culture, contrary to what was originally suggested. Rather, the findings showed that the evaluation of extrinsic religiosity by Koreans, whose maturity is evaluated in terms of group relationships rather than individual achievement, is not negative as it is in American culture. Furthermore, these extrinsic behaviors are actually identified as significant indicators of spiritual maturity by some Korean theologians (Jo, 2005). They point out an individual's contribution to the spiritual community, obedience to church authority, and his or her ability to conform to the group's extrinsic religious behaviors as signs of spiritual maturity. Therefore, it is safe to say that the theoretical models birthed in Western societies do not adequately explain the collectivistic interpretations of spiritual maturity found among Koreans.

The distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures is less evident when studying Korean-immigrant Christians in the U.S. because they live in a dual cultural context. These immigrants are likely to feel conflicted by the two very different approaches to spiritual maturity: compliance to group expectations from the old collectivistic view on one hand and the focus on private spirituality in their newly adopted individualistic culture on the other hand. Thus, the current studies regarding psychological and spiritual maturity are not applicable to the understanding of the cultural and spiritual ambivalence of Korean American immigrant Christians. In order to study this group, one's assumptions about individualism and collectivism should be reevaluated and a more sophisticated model that can be used effectively in understanding this population must be sought.

Individuals' spiritual maturity seems to have a close relationship with their developmental stages. According to Brennan and Brewi (1982), Carl Jung suggested midlife as the most appropriate time for individuals to grow spiritually because of their cultivated, holistic understanding of maturity based on their developed psyche as a whole. In particular, Jung recognized a woman's midlife as the best time to experience spiritual growth as she begins to have new strength as well as the courage to look at her reserved spiritual desires (Brennan & Brewi, 1982). Slee (2004) adds further weight to the importance of interpersonal relationships in women's spiritual maturity. According to Slee, while women and men tend to move through the stages of spiritual growth in similar ways, women have more distinctive relational qualities as part of their spiritual maturity.

Developmentally, the main psychological task in midlife is generativity. According to Erikson (1968), middle aged adults develop their identities through their concern for and commitment to the next generation. McAdams and de St. Aubin (1997) found that adults develop different narratives, their internalized identities, based on their different levels of generativity. Further, MacDermid, Franz and De Reus (1998) explored the relationship between social roles and generative levels of middle-aged women and discovered that one's unique generative expression is a critical component for one's personality development. In that sense, the spiritual identity of women in midlife appears to closely correlate to social roles and interpersonal relationships, while reflecting a tension between collective and individual identities.

Based on the foregoing review of the literature, five first-generation Korean American women in midlife were selected as subjects. The goal of the study was to better understand their psychological and spiritual process as bicultural Christian women while they integrated their second culture into their spiritual journeys. Living in a dual cultural context, the challenges they faced in defining the true meaning of loving God and others were overwhelming. They not only needed to integrate two different sets of cultural values (individualistic and collectivistic), but also had to bring together two conflicting ideas and beliefs of spiritual maturity--the private spiritual practices of the West and the communal spiritual practices of their home culture. The current study proposed that a rich process of psychological and spiritual maturation would emerge in midlife and some valuable insights could be drawn from these women's life stories.

To investigate the intricate phenomena of these Korean American immigrant women's spiritual journeys, the goals of this study included: (1) identifying the factors impacting their ideas and beliefs about spiritual maturity and its process, (2) understanding and describing how participants integrate two conflicting cultures (Korean and American) in their views of psychological and spiritual maturity, and (3) identifying the unique psychological and spiritual needs of this population to better inform mental health professionals and spiritual caregivers who are interested in serving this population.

Method

Participants

Five participants (P1, P2, P3, P4, and P5) were selected based on the following criteria during the initial interview: (a) born and raised in Korea at least until they finished formal education, (b) immigrated to the U.S. as an adult and have lived in the U.S. longer than 20 years, (c) Christian women in their midlife who were recognized as devoted to their spiritual maturity, and (d) currently residing in Southern California. The final participants for the study were five women, coming from three different denominations and three different age groups (40s, 50s, and 60s). The participants attended churches belonging to the following denominations: Presbyterian (n=2), Non-denominational (n=2) and United Methodist church (1). (Demographic characteristics of the participants are presented in Table 1.)

Procedure

A case-study method was employed to investigate the multiplicity and complexity of issues embedded in a woman's unique spiritual journey as a bi-cultural Christian. It examined the participants' changing experiences psychologically and spiritually as they continued to mature in a new cultural context. A life story method (McAdams, 1985; Pak, 2006) was employed due to the developmental nature of the individuals' spiritual journeys. Gathering data from the early years as well as currently, the researcher can identify the tone of one's narrative, the characteristic set of imagery and the prevailing themes of one's life that emerge through the interactions between that person and his or her environment.

Utilizing the life story method, the research questions were used to gather information across the participants' lifetimes, covering their formative years in Korea through their lives as immigrants in America. The interview questions were divided into two specific domains: general maturity and spiritual maturity. With respect to the first domain, general maturity, the participants were asked to reflect on their shifting perspectives in each developmental stage (e.g., the childhood years and how they viewed their parents during that time). For the second domain, spiritual maturity, participants were asked to reflect on their views and experiences at each stage of their Christian journey after conversion (e.g., their implementation of ideas or images of a mature Christian reflected by church leaders and their church experience).

Three 90-minute in-depth semi-structured interviews were arranged for each participant on an individual basis in order to obtain richness and depth of description in a narrative inquiry (Pak, 2006). After completing all three interviews for each participant, the data was analyzed in two steps by employing within-case analysis and cross-case analysis (Pak, 2006). Using within-case analysis, each participant's life story was thoroughly and critically reviewed and analyzed to identify the significant study themes across her life. After individual case analysis was completed, cross-case analysis was conducted. By comparing and contrasting different life stories, the cross-case analysis methodology revealed insight into these women's process of integrating two conflicting sets of cultural values into their spiritual journey.

In qualitative research, the researcher's self-awareness of his or her personal biases and subjectivity in regards to the study is essential (Pak, 2006; Patton, 2002). The primary author's familiarity with the topic of study came from her own experience as a bi-cultural Christian after she came to America for post-graduate education in her early thirties. Her decision to investigate the rich and unique challenges and benefits of being Christian in a cross-cultural context was fueled by helping women at a Korean American immigrant church. She believed that her personal background proved to be an advantage in the research process, providing a sense of cultural connections in shared ethnic nationality. However, she was also aware that her personal preconception about the study topic could negatively impact the interview process. She sought, therefore, to be aware of how her personal experiences and biases impacted the interview process and took into account the subjectivity that those biases brought to bear on the study.

In order to enhance the validation of the current research, the investigator triangulation method was included (Seale, 1999). This was achieved by the means of the primary author attending a bi-weekly research team meeting led by the senior researcher. The primary researcher had the opportunity to discuss and examine the gathered data and findings with the team throughout the research process. The identified themes and plotted stories were further reviewed by the senior researcher for clarity, coherence, and accuracy. The presentation of these themes provides a description of the developmental stages of the women's spiritual journeys--by means of in-depth narratives on their transforming views and beliefs on a level of spiritual maturity.

After an individual case analysis was completed for each participant's data, cross-case analysis was conducted by comparing and contrasting the cases. Common themes as well as themes unique to each individual participant were identified. By comparing and contrasting their different life stories, the cross-case analysis methodology revealed insight into these women's process of integrating two conflicting sets of cultural values into their spiritual journeys (see Table 2).

Results

The final analysis and synthesis of these women's stories as bicultural Christians are presented here with a discussion of the limitations and implications of this study.

Early Relationships with Parents during Historical Transitions in Korea

In all five of the participants' stories, one clear theme that stands out during their early years is the prevailing wartime insecurity tied with uncertainty in society and family. Since all five women were born between 1946 and 1959, around the time when the Korean War broke out in 1950 and the Army Revolution occurred in 1960, they spent their early years in the middle of the most chaotic period of modern Korean history. In particular, the experiences of three women who were born in the late 1940s and early 1950s (P2, P4, and P5), the unpredictable time around the war, were directly tied to the absence of father and unstable livelihood.

One participant (P5) recalled an early traumatic experience about her father's absence during wartime. She was locked in a small room by her neighbors with her mother who had caught typhoid because they were fearful of the contagious disease. Intense memory constructed the foundation of her views about herself, others, and God, throughout her life.

   Since there was no medication for
   typhoid during those postwar days,
   they roped off the house by hanging
   curses aimed at the evil spirit
   attached to a yellow rope according
   to a traditional method of casting out
   the evil spirit causing the disease.
   The door was opened only for meals
   and quickly locked again. I remember
   crying in front of the locked door
   and trying to open it. I was so scared
   to be separated from others and
   locked in a small room. Sitting next
   to my dying mother, I heard my
   mother constantly praying in her
   groaning that God would spare her
   life for my sake. That memory rules
   over my whole life. (P5)

This frightening experience caused her to view herself as unloved, which resulted in her difficulty in building relationships with others later on. She might have thought that she had a tendency to drive people away, since her father was also gone due to the war when she was born. However, observing her mother's recovery from her disease through prayer despite people's abandonment convinced her that "man should live his life by depending on God," which characterized her life centered around church both in Korea and America.

Compared to those who were impacted by the war directly, the other two participants (P1 and P3), born in 1959 after the war, grew up in a more settled social environment. However, they still had little involvement with their fathers, who were always busy with their careers at a time when the country was undergoing major reconstruction. One participant (P3) recalled that her father was like "a wind" that could not be grasped, and the other participant, when describing her interaction with her father, stated,

   My father had never paid full attention
   to me ... I could not talk with
   my father longer than five minutes.
   When I talked longer than five minutes,
   he stopped me and dismissed
   me ... He did not know how to
   relate to me. (P3)

Spending their early years during one of the most chaotic periods in modern Korean history, the Korean War, these women's distant relationships with their parents, who strived to survive in the unstable economy during the unpredictable postwar social transition, laid a discrete foundation for their spiritual journeys. The detail will be discussed in the next section.

Development of Individual God Images

The nature of these women's relationships with their parents or parental figures during their critical early years significantly impacted their image of an invisible God. Growing up with the lack of a father figure, the participants' collective initial experience of God was emotionally distant and fearful. Their God representations evolved and operated in the strong patriarchal, Confucian context of Korean culture. The distant relational nature they experienced with their earthly fathers impacted their views of God as their heavenly Father. One participant (P2) stated,

   I learned from the Bible that God is
   my father and I am His child. But I
   did not know how to relate to Him as
   a child ... I had never approached my
   father as a carefree child. I could be
   transparent with God, allowing Him
   to examine my heart, but I had no
   clue whether I was intimate with Him
   or not. I guess I had an intimate relationship
   with Him. I have never even
   called my physical father, daddy. (P2)

Without experiencing emotional intimacy with their fathers, these women's initial view of God was vague and distant. Rather, their mothers' major role as the guardian appears to explain the stronger notion of maternal qualities in their views of God. This is also encouraged by traditional cultural gender ideology in terms of the division of labor. Traditionally, it is a wife's responsibility to raise children at home as the homemaker, while it is the husband's role to meet the family's financial needs as a breadwinner in a Korean family. Nevertheless, the participants' relational experiences with their mothers appeared to be also lacking compensatory nurture and care during their fathers' absences as their mothers had little resources left while they strived to survive the postwar without their husbands' supports. In fact, as the result of their own overwhelming life struggles, the participants' mothers were experienced as needy, harsh or critical by the participants. One participant (P2) recalled feeling overburdened by the reverse role she had with her mother. She said, "To everyone else, I was my mother's child, but in our relationship I functioned as her mother" (P2). She further described that "the best part of immigrating to America was to be free from my family responsibility" (P2). Two other participants (P3 and P4) remembered experiencing their mothers as critical and judgmental during their formative period. One (P4) stated,

   My mother always told me that I
   did not or could not do anything
   right. Because she continued to
   push me down, I strived to prove
   that she was wrong. I worked extra
   hard for everything in order to
   prove that I was not such a bad or
   stupid person. (P4)

Undoubtedly, the participants' negative implicit theology about God based on their early childhood experiences constantly blocked them from experiencing Him as unconditionally loving as the Bible teaches after they became Christians. Projecting her critical mother's image on God, the above participant (P4), when asked to describe her views of God, stated,

   I was afraid God would abandon
   me if I were not a good Christian.
   So, I tried not to miss any service
   or devotional time. I read the Bible
   and gave offerings. I thought I
   should do a lot of those. With the
   fear of being rejected, I had to do
   something for him, always. (P4)

Repeating the relational pattern that the participant had with her criticizing mother in her relationship with God, the participant strove to prove herself and receive approval from God through behavioral commitment to church activities.

Impact of Gender Socialization on the Spiritual Journey

Another theme identified in these women's stories is the significant impact of each participant's gender socialization as a female in a male-dominated society on the development of one's self-concept. Not surprisingly, three participants (P3, P4, and P5) were unwelcomed by their parents and grandparents, who wanted to have a son or a grandson. Accordingly, these women carried feelings of rejection, which often fueled their ambition to prove their equality to males through high academics, social achievements, and leadership roles. One participant (P5), when sharing her struggle as an adolescent said,

   In my junior high and high school
   period, I fought a lot with adults in
   my church. Not fight, but protest.
   No girl was selected to be the top
   leader of the student government at
   the church! Only a boy was always
   selected as the top leader and then
   a girl as the second leader. Why
   should it be that way? I always
   argued with my pastors about that.
   Why should it be that way? (P5)

Undoubtedly, proving her ability as a female became a dominant theme in her spiritual journey, which may explain her current leadership role as an elder in the church and the head of a parachurch organization, leading numbers of male pastors.

Unlike those who were driven to prove their ability as a girl, one participant (P1) was content with her gender while she was raised to be a Hyun-Mo Yang-Cheo (a wise mother and good wife), which refers to the traditional prototype of an ideal Korean woman, one who is a submissive wife and sacrificial mother. According to the social hierarchy of Confucianism, the backbone of traditional Korean culture, a female is identified as a "daughter" before marriage and as a "wife and mother" after marriage. Hyun-Mo-Yang-Cheo also implies that before marriage, a woman is under her parents' authority, but after her marriage she becomes an outsider to her family of origin and is under her husband's care. Growing up in a patriarchic family, the participant developed a tendency to live her life depending on the given authority and environment. Recalling her satisfaction with her role as a dependent married woman, she described,

   I felt content about who I am, as
   my husband's wife. As I did as a little
   girl, what I needed to do was
   only to accept my circumstance and
   submit to the situation. I believed
   that my life would unfold smoothly
   as time went by without any obstacles
   as long as I would live as a
   good wife with submission and
   obedience. (P1)

Not surprisingly, repeating her inner striving to be "good" even in her spiritual journey, her idea about spiritual maturity was to be a "good" church member through dependence and obedience to God and the church leaders.

   I felt so comfortable with the
   church that I experienced it as my
   home and the people were family.
   once I accepted God's powerful
   care, I totally depended on Him.
   Since then, I felt less sad, angry,
   and fearful, and had more self-confidence.
   (P1)

Projecting the trust and interdependence she had with her parents and husband onto the church leaders and God who became her new dependent objects, she regained the emotional stability she had experienced as a young wife and daughter when she operated clearly within the bounds of traditional Korean society.

In contrast, another participant (P2) had a distinctive spiritual journey after she grew up without any gender restrictions under her parents who were influenced by the western culture through their study overseas. The encouragement of autonomy and self-reliance during her formative period was translated into her spiritual journey.

   I went to a church in my junior high
   and I found it so foreign to me. The
   church staff told me that I had to
   simply believe in God, but she could
   not explain to me who God is clearly.
   She just constantly insisted that I
   should believe in God. I could not! I
   could not believe Him at all if I
   could not comprehend Him. I
   thought I could believe God only
   after I could understand Him. (P2)

Applying her autonomy and independence to her spiritual journey, this participant developed a tendency to depend on her intellect to grow in faith and was devoted to learning opportunities such as Bible studies, conferences and seminary trainings.

Marital Crisis and Entering into the Spiritual Journey

In addition to the impact of the participants' gender socialization and life expectations as women on their spiritual journeys, one shared theme among these women is the critical influence of their marital relationships on their spiritual journeys. Growing up in a patriarchal society despite individual differences, the participants seemed to depend on their future husbands as a way of completing their identity or fulfilling their emotional and social needs.

The task of young adulthood is to build intimacy with others (Erickson, 1968), which applied to these women as they married in their late 20s and early 30s. However, growing up in a patriarchal collectivistic culture, the meaning of marriage for these women seemed to extend beyond their quest for intimacy. As they had identified themselves in relation to their parents, they attempted to define who they were through their relationships with their husbands. As a result, the significant collective experience of these women is for the disillusionment their marriages initiated their spiritual journeys.

For example, one participant (P4), when asked how she became so devoted to her spiritual growth, stated,

   My husband's affair pushed me to
   God and He became the center of
   my life like a target of an arrow.
   Because I wasn't satisfied, and my
   husband could not satisfy my needs,
   I would go to God and seek Him.
   Since I could not receive support
   and love from my husband, I had no
   hope in this world. I could not find
   comfort from anywhere in this
   world. (P4)

Another participant (P2) reported that her feelings of "being suffocated" in her cross-cultural marriage relationship pushed her to seek out the relationship with the invisible God, who she would not have had faith in the past. Even though she was content with her marriage as a Hyun-Mo-Yang-Cheo, another participant (P1) also ended up accepting God as her only dependable object when her husband collapsed with aneurysm in the brain and lost his cognitive ability. The other participant (P3) found God as the only meaning after her divorce when "nothing was certain and the world is empty" (P3). She stated,

   Marriage life was so different from
   what I had expected. I married him
   after giving up everything because I
   wanted to feel loved ... Soon I realized
   that he could not always love
   me like that. Both of us wanted to
   be loved without knowing how to
   give love instead. So, we became
   angry at each other (P3).

Experiencing identity crises in the midst of their marital struggles in their late or early 30s, the participants encountered significant turning points that prompted them to begin and deepen a spiritual journey in America. When they felt despair in their marriages, their attention was drawn to God and their spiritual journeys began.

Openness to Christianity as Korean Immigrants

The women's openness to spirituality and church when they experienced hardships of immigrant life is a notable point. Many religions are blended together in Korea such as shamanism, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoism. Korean shamanism is the native religion of Korea, and its influence can be found in every aspect of Korean society. Despite their background in the blending of religious traditions in Korea, it is notable that four of the participants, all except one, started to attend churches after they immigrated to America, which reveals the critical role of a church in Korean-immigrant society. Hurh and Kim (1990) asserted that this is because church participation has indeed become a way of life among Korean immigrants in America as they gain primarily religious benefits and secondarily social or psychological benefits (i.e., meaning, belonging, and comfort) from their involvement. One participant (P1) expressed the participants' shared perception of their churches as immigrants.

   Since I do not have any family member
   in America, I wanted to have a
   family at church. I like the fact that
   there are people in the church who
   can help us to adjust to the immigrant
   society. They appeared to be
   able to lead us because they have
   studied and worked in America. I
   felt supported. I joined a church
   with wholeheartedly because I knew
   that I should be grounded in America
   without any biological family
   member. (P1)

Combined with their openness to the concept of God, the dominant role of a church among Korean immigrants in America enabled them to enter into their spiritual journeys when they sought out spirituality in the midst of their life dilemmas.

The Spiritual Journey as Bi-cultural Women

Regardless of each woman's unique spiritual path, all participants indicated their strong identity as Koreans as early immigrants. These women's first church experiences showed that all of their churches were operating under principles stressed in a hierarchical collectivistic community. Accordingly, the virtues of group commitment, group conformity, loyalty, and "other-centeredness" were stressed in their churches as they had experienced a collectivistic culture during their formative periods. Naturally, each participant projected her understanding of a mature person in her initial growth as a Christian, which resulted in her heavy involvement with church activities based on her group mentality. These behaviors ranged in diversity from serving the church by cooking, washing dishes, and teaching Korean language to diligently participating in Bible studies, early morning and midnight prayer meetings. However, in the process of adopting the values of American individualistic society, these women gradually experienced disappointments with their Korean churches while their images, ideas, and views of spiritual maturity changed according to their increasing acculturation into mainstream culture. One participant (P3), exploring her disappointment with her first Korean church, asserted,

   I became more polite and socially
   acceptable. It was like covering me
   with religion. For example, I
   stopped yelling at my children at
   church, but I did it at home. My
   relationship with my non-believer
   husband improved as I learned
   through the discipleship program
   how to respond to him as a good
   wife. However, I was simply masking
   myself with socially acceptable
   behavior without making real
   changes at a deep level. I did
   everything suggested by the church
   including Bible studies, early-morning
   prayer, and discipleship programs,
   but I did not experience any
   change in my life. Not a single
   problem was resolved. I still felt
   empty, too. (P3)

By appearance, the participants were perceived as maturing Christians according to the virtues of collectivistic church cultures (Jo, 2005), but their desires for internal changes evolved as they felt stuck in the same place internally without transformational experiences. Even though the biblical goal of maturity remained the same, to love God and others, the manifested behaviors were filtered through different ideas and images of maturity from each cultural value. Consequently, to the degree participants adopted the virtues of the new individualistic culture, such as independence, autonomy, and self-actualization, they struggled between the opposing values suggested by the collectivistic and individualistic cultures in their understanding of spiritual maturity. one participant (P5), when asked how her exposure to Western leadership training program impacted her views of the Korean church explained,

   I started to doubt whether being
   urged to actively participate church
   would really help my spiritual
   growth. Is being active at church
   equivalent to spiritual maturity?
   That's not always true. Actively participating
   in church does not facilitate
   individual spiritual growth.
   Back then, I had always thought
   being faithful to the church is being
   faithful to God, but as I started to
   read the Bible by myself and
   become intimate with God, this
   thought provoked much controversy
   within myself. You know. I can
   always talk to God like this alone. It
   may be true that being superficially
   active and faithful to the church is
   the same thing as being faithful to
   God, but not necessarily. However,
   this kind of mentality was so readily
   accepted like a math formula, so I
   struggled to solve this spiritual
   question myself. It was then that I
   realized that I don't have friends in
   my Korean church, but rather, in the
   Western denomination leadership
   training group that I attended. I felt
   more comfortable with Caucasian
   Christians I met there. (P5)

As seen from the case of this participant, the result of the increasing disappointments with their first Korean churches after years of attending, spurred each participant to move on to the next stage of her spiritual journey while she attempted to adjust her spiritual environment based on her newly defined concept of spiritual maturity. Two participants (P2 and P3) moved to an American church. One participant (P4) actively tried out different nonconventional ways of meeting her spiritual needs, which ranged from an inner-healing prayer group to a contemplative prayer training group. Others (P1 and P5) resolved the cultural tension by moving from legalistic Korean churches to other Korean churches where the pastors were more Americanized and encouraged their congregation to grow psychologically as well as spiritually.

Nevertheless, even after these women had left their church in Korea physically or psychologically, they seemed to continue to negotiate between the two different sets of cultural values in defining and redefining the meaning of spiritual maturity. Notable in these women's spiritual journeys are the participants' changing views, images and ideas about the definitions and characteristics of spiritual maturity as they continued to negotiate the conflicting categories of spiritual maturity in their dual-cultural contexts.

By intimately examining these women's changing understanding of spiritual maturity, the discovery was made that their views, images and beliefs about spiritual maturity continuously deepened and extended, while the focus fluctuated between a communal and personal spirituality. One participant (P2), when asked about her preference for American churches, stated,

   The church offered a wide range of
   Bible studies that meet my intellectual
   needs and I also learned from
   the pastors who I could approach
   easily. I met some elderly mature
   Christians in the prayer group.
   Although I was in my 50, I was the
   youngest one among them (laughs).
   Most of them were in their eighties ...
   They were like the ocean.
   They could embrace everything and
   anyone. They also knew how to
   wait for people and God with
   patience. I learned from them how
   to relate to God with faith. They
   were not shaken when they were
   sitting in front of God's throne. (P2)

These elderly ladies and other approachable pastors played a significant role in the participant's growth as they enabled her to envision God as an accessible, trustworthy father. Their embracing personalities also allowed her to experience the acceptance and nurture that she missed during her childhood while she was overburdened with family responsibility. Nevertheless, her struggles as a bi-cultural Christian continued in her spiritual journey. Growing up in a collectivistic culture during her formative period, her relational expectation to the church community was more than the American church could offer. She, when asked the reason why, chose a Korean church as her ultimate home church:

   Years after I grew up in my faith in
   God, everything went so well at the
   church including my relationships
   with the pastors and church member.
   However, I began to see the
   church as a flow of individuals. I
   perceived our relationships as
   superficial ... I did not see the fruit
   of my spiritual maturity as a loving
   person without having close interactions
   with other people. I did
   everything well at the church
   according to the offered programs,
   but there was no real evidence that
   I was maturing, given such shallow
   interpersonal relationships among
   the members. (P2)

Even though the participant grew in her private spirituality in an American church, the sense of community was lacking in the individualistic church. Thus, not long after, she returned to a Korean church and experienced many anticipated conflicts and tension. However, she accepted the church as her ultimate spiritual community because she believed that the relational closeness in the collectivistic spiritual community enabled her to grow as a loving Christian.

Regardless of individual differences, all the participants vacillated between two cultures. Wuthnow (1998) explained such phenomena as one's wavering between dwelling (relating to God in familiar and comfortable ways) and seeking (looking for new spiritual experiences beyond familiar spiritual communities and rituals) when one is disappointed with one's current spiritual environment. In fact, Shults and Sandage (2006) address the tension between dwelling and seeking behaviors as an essential attribute of one's transformational experience in the spiritual journey. In this current study, the participants also appear to develop qualitatively more complex relational changes with self, others and God as they wandered among different Christian communities. In the midst of their confusion and self-doubt during the process of maturation, they seem to be able to merge the contrasting cultural and social factors of their two cultures (collectivistic and individualistic). They also appear to grow in both their private and communal spirituality, deepening their understanding of their loving God as the underlying fundamental element of their maturation process, and in the belief that one's relationships with others is the external reflection of intimacy with God. In light of this discovery, private and communal spirituality are not exclusive of each other. The interdependence of these two aspects is the foundation of a mature spirituality which transcends experience, family, community, education and even culture.

Focusing on Internal Changes in Midlife

In the participants' journeys toward spiritual maturity, age was one of the factors that contributed to the process of spiritual transformation. For example, in addition to their acculturative stress, including the parenting issues involved with first-generation and bi-cultural offspring, their emerging existential questions led them to hold fast to spirituality and cultivate a relationship with God and others. For instance, two participants (P2 and P3) perceived a sense of failure as mothers in addition to their experienced emptiness in the midst of their academic and social achievements. Their existential questions toward God followed by the experience of loss of their loved ones, further led them to desperately depend on God and achieve focus in their spirituality.

One participant (P2), recalling the turning point she experienced in her midlife, reflected:

   I reached the top very quickly as a
   scholar, but when I got there I felt
   so empty. Where is my life going?
   one day, with that question, worrying
   about my son who ran away, I
   could not sleep until the next day.
   At dawn, suddenly I heard a gentle
   whisper that called my name. I
   asked myself if it was God's wakeup
   call for me. Then, suddenly I had
   an uncontrollable sense of urgency
   to return to God. That was the
   beginning of my second life. (P2)

Disillusioned from the scholarly fame that she had pursued for decades, she felt lost psychologically, culturally, and spiritually. Her sense of failure as a mother also deepened her existential question. Two other participants (P1 and P4) also experienced a different kind of loss in their midlife as one's (P1) deteriorating health in her 40s increased her introspection to the meaning of life and empowered her to seek out a more spiritual community where she could grow in faith. The other participant (P4) experienced a loss of pride masked by her religious behaviors and biblical knowledge, when she felt "publically naked" by her teen aged daughter's premarital pregnancy. The last participant (P5) went through tremendous emotional pain when she felt rejected by her church members, with whom she had spent almost two decades of her life. Their significantly increased devotion to their spirituality in addition to their cultivated introspection in midlife, facilitated their spiritual development.

New Identity as a Giver

Participants showed an increasing desire to contribute to others' growth in their midlife. According to Erikson, generativity is the capability to care for younger generations and nurture their growth, which results in the strong sense of self for middle aged people and lays the groundwork for the development of their identity through their sense of integrity later on. In their study of personality development of adult women, Zucker, Stewart and ostrove's (2002) findings supported Erikson's theory that women experience active identity development through generativity in middle age. This study also discovered that all participants' focus during their midlife is in how to apply their experienced personal change to serve and give back to other people.

However, each participant appeared to choose a unique area of serving in different spiritual communities based on her unique psychological and spiritual maturing process. For example, one participant (P4) wanted to be a small group Bible study leader who could facilitate people's openness and transparency, which was also a crucial element of her transformational process. After experiencing true change through a caring faith community, another participant (P3) desired to help other people grow in knowing God with her new, changed self-view as an evangelist. In addition, after the loss of her young adult son, she desired to commit to be a nurturing mother to the younger generations, a role she had missed out on with her own child. With her increased sense of self-confidence, another participant (P1) decided to go to China as a missionary to share God's love to people in a remote area. For another participant (P2)'s case, even though her main educational goal at the seminary was to grow intellectually in her personal faith while finishing her Master of Divinity, having already earned a Ph.D., now she devoted herself to be a channel of God's blessings as an effective Bible teacher instead of living as "a gold plated idol" (P2). Now she seems to have a new identity as a Bible teacher, which she plans to fully commit to once she resigns from her current teaching position as a professor.

The Meaning of Life-Pain

Looking back on their spiritual journeys, all of these women shared a common belief that their life pains were seeds of blessings, as those pains brought about significant turning points in their lives to grow as Christians. When they had to give up the illusion that their husbands would complete their lives, they experienced confusion and crisis which led them toward their individual spiritual journeys. Starting from that point, each loss and moment of despair and fear in their lives guided them to reduce their dependence on other people, fame, and money while searching for God's unconditional love. One participant (P1) explicitly expressed,

   Without experiencing life pains, I
   would not know God. When there
   were storms in my life, I encountered
   God closely. As it became
   clear that God is specially intervening
   in my life, pain is no longer
   pain. Now, pain is a blessing, and
   this blessing is unlimited. (P1)

Another participant (P5) stated,

   Actually, pain itself is not so bad.
   My life journey has made me know
   that although pain is not very pleasant,
   it brings forth much self-growth.
   I am able to understand
   others much more due to my own
   pain. I realized that forgiving someone
   as a Christian means to bear
   pain of a deadly level. I realized
   that it is very easy to say that we
   should forgive and love others, but
   doing so means I need to go
   through deadly pain. If I try to
   understand the pains that I have
   not personally experienced it can
   be very shallow. However, after
   going through the turmoil and bitterness
   of life, I thought, it would
   be great if I didn't have to experience
   this pain, but without pain,
   there would be no such growth.
   (P5)

As first-generation Korean Americans, these women seemed to have unique life challenges and pain as they walked their life journeys as bicultural immigrants. The range of their experience was broad, from threatened financial security to the meaninglessness of social achievement in a new culture. Nevertheless, these women seemed to have the strength and resilience to translate these negative experiences into growing opportunities in expanding their knowledge of self, others, and God. In fact, the challenges they faced as bi-cultural Christians in integrating two different cultural views of an individual's spiritual maturity seemed to facilitate their holistic understanding of the true meaning of loving God and others in the Bible, beyond what each culture suggests separately.

Discussion

The purpose of this study was to understand the unique and complex process of achieving spiritual maturity in Korean American immigrant women in midlife. Important findings were identified across cases. First, the participants' early parental relationships had a significant impact on their initial images of God, which is consistent with Rizzuto's finding (1979). However, due to their mothers' major roles as parents in these women's formative periods while their fathers were busy with their work and career development, the participants' individual differences seem to stem from their relationships with their mothers or mother figures who specified the participants' vague images of God through the relationships. In that sense, this study seems to support the idea that individuals' God images are influenced by both their paternal and maternal attributes, with slightly higher influence from maternal qualities (Vergote & Tamayo, 1981).

Secondly, the participants' cases show the close link between one's psychological growth and spiritual growth. The contrasting social and cultural factors of their two cultures (collectivistic and individualistic) are beautifully interwoven in their journeys toward maturity as individuals. Ironically, their decreased dependence on their husbands in the individualistic immigrant culture and the hardships they had to bear as the first immigrant women were the catalysts for the growth of their previously uncultivated individualistic self. Integrating the two contrasting cultural meanings of general maturity and spiritual maturity, these women devoted themselves to becoming mature Christian women in a way that made sense to them given their life's circumstances and background. Upon closer scrutiny, the virtues they gained from their collectivistic society, such as royalty, oneness and harmony served them in their acceptance of the stresses they underwent as a new immigrant in America. In the same account, their newly gained insight, views, and understanding of what a mature adult is in American society contributed to their psychological and spiritual well-being beyond what their original culture could offer. With an increased individualistic sense of self, the participants continued to expand their understanding of the nature and scope of loving God and others as they grew in both private and communal spirituality. This finding is consistent with multiple studies identifying the complicated connection between spiritual and psychological maturity (Benner, 1989; Ciarrochi, Dy-Liacco, Piedmont, & Williams, 2009; Conn, 1989; Dy-Liacco et al., 2009). These studies identified a positive relationship between an individual's spiritual maturity and positive personality function.

In addition, age was one the factors that contributed to the process of spiritual transformation. Through the various experiences of midlife, the participants' spiritual journeys transitioned from being focused on external behaviors to genuine internal transformation. More specifically, the participants initially based their confidence and sense of righteousness and pride on their accomplishments and the approval of others, even in their spiritual journey, but such external focus shifted to an internal spirituality based on their personal experience of God's unconditional love, as they gained self-awareness of their limitations in the face of loss and pain in midlife. Their previous goals of attaining admiration, fame, or money changed to a single focus: maturing in loving God and others. This is consistent with Moberg's finding (2001) that an individual's spiritual growth is not a simple reflection of their generational difference; rather, it accounts for the increased function of their spirituality in the process of dealing with their life challenges such as an increased fear of death, inevitable loss and a desire to find meaning in their lives. The participants' significant spiritually transforming experiences during midlife are also consistent with Wink and Dillon's finding (2002) that midlife is a pivotal season for an individual, as one's experience of negative life events and increased introspection facilitate spiritual development.

Limitations and Directions for Future Research

The aim of this study is to provide a better understanding of the Korean American immigrant woman's complex process of transformation in their spiritual journey. Using a small sample from a specific group, this study was not intended to generalize the findings to understand one's spiritual journey. Rather, the study seeks to elucidate the participants' shared group experiences as the cohort of first generation Korean immigrant women while describing individual experiences. By looking in depth at their spiritual paths as bi-cultural Christians, this study also endeavors to shed light on the participants' development of spiritual maturity as they sought to integrate competing cultural values.

In addition, the participants' birth orders and leadership roles in their various spiritual communities further limits the study's applicability to the larger group. It was found that four of five participants were first born children and all of them have a leadership role in their faith communities. Future studies should include more variables such as birth order and those equally committed to growing spiritually but not in leadership roles, which would provide richer insight into the Korean-immigrant population.

For future study, when compared to the participants of the current study, the younger Korean immigrants have grown up in a comparatively less collectivistic culture. This is because of the drastic social changes from the modernization, westernization and industrialization of Korean society since 1960s. According to Cho (2009), such social changes in Korea resulted in the younger generations' reduced commitment to the traditional Confucian values. If the same research methods were applied to such younger Korean immigrants, it is expected that their spiritual development would exhibit more individualistic tendencies from an earlier stage in life. The results of such study might be fruitfully compared to the present study and may help to more clearly identify the cultural dimensions of spiritual development.

Implications

Based on this study, the following implications can be drawn. First, mental health professionals can apply the results of this study to support and facilitate growth in bi-cultural Christians. The participants in this study experienced tremendous confusion and inner struggle as they tried to resolve conflicting cultural values to make sense of their spiritual journey. Thus, they are subject to being perceived by both cultures as immature because they do not fully embrace either set of cultural norms. They, therefore, often feel confused and judged about their progress in becoming a loving person, when in fact, their integrated understanding and practices of loving behaviors are more holistic than views from a single cultural perspective. It becomes important for this population to provide a safe and supportive environment, so that immigrants can openly explore their confusion and self-doubt in their attempts to integrate two cultures in their spiritual journeys.

In addition, this study identified multiple factors that contributed to the psychological and spiritual growth across the life span. Christians often seek help for their mental health needs from pastors or pastoral counselors rather than mental health professionals since pastors are viewed as trusted spiritual leaders (McMinn, 1996). This is especially true of Korean-immigrant Christian women, as they trust pastors and pastoral staff as reliable and authoritative figures. It is hoped that this study provides some meaningful insight for the clergy and spiritual directors in understanding the needs of the Korean immigrant women.

Above all, the study shows that the participants' early relationships with their parents were identified as the single most important factor in their spiritual journeys, as those relationships laid the foundation of their views of God and their ability to relate to Him. Careful examination of the nature of the parent-child relationship of the participants provided insight into the underlying dynamics of an individual's personal struggles and challenges in appreciating God's unconditional love and sharing that love with others.

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Hyejeong Kim

Handong Global University

Jenny Pak

Biola University

Correspondence regarding this article should be addressed to Hyejeong Kim, Ph.D., Counseling Psychology and Social Welfare Department, Handong Global University, 558 Handong-Ro, Heunghae-eup, Buk-gu, Pohang, Gyung-buk, 791-708, Korea; joyhjkim@gmail.com.

Hyejeong Kim (Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology, Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University) is an Assistant Professor of Counseling Psychology Dept. at Handong Global University (Pohang, Korea). Dr. Kim's interests include narrative analysis, the integration of psychology and religion and pastoral and missionary member care.

Jenny H. Pak (Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, University of Southern California) is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University (CA). Dr. Pak's interests include narrative analysis, cultural psychology, identity development, and pastoral and missionary member care.

Table 1
Demographic characteristics of participants

Variable         Participant 1      Participant 2   Participant 3

Age              49                 59              49
Occupation       Loan Broker        Professor       Lawyer

Years of being   19                 27              16
  a Christian
Denominational   Non-               Presbyterian    Non-
Affiliation        denominational                     denominational

Education        B.A.               Ph.D., M.Div.   J.D.
Spouse's         Christianity       Christianity    Atheism
  Religion
Parents'         Buddhism           Christianity    Atheism
  Religion

Variable         Participant 4   Participant 5

Age              55              62
Occupation       Homemaker       Insurance
                                   Agent
Years of being   29              Life long
  a Christian
Denominational   Presbyterian    United
Affiliation                        Methodist
                                   Church
Education        B.A.            High School
Spouse's         Christianity    Christianity
  Religion
Parents'         Atheism         Atheism
  Religion

Note. Age, years of being a Christian, denominational
affiliation, and religious background of parents/spouses
at the time of the interview.

Table 2
Within Case Analysis

PARTICIPANT 1. Slow but solid spiritual journey as
a "good daughter of God"

Life Stage    Self Concept         Emotional
                                   Maturity

Childhood     Aim is to be a       Intimidated
                "good" child
Adolescence   Aim is to be a       Feels
                "good" girl          oppressed
20's          Aim is to be a       Feels freer
                "good" daughter

Post-Immigration

30's          Aim is to be a       Struggles with
                "good" wife,         negative
                mother,              emotions
                employee
40's          Aim is to be         Fulfilled
                a "good"
                daughter of
                God

Life Stage    Concept/             Concept/
              Relationship         Relationship
              with others          with God

Childhood     Dependent            No interest
Adolescence   Compliant            No interest
20's          Fear vs.             Vague
                excitement to
                be independent

Post-Immigration

30's          Becomes more         Dependable
                independent          object
                                     Savior
40's          Interdependent       Intimate
              Caring                 Father
                                     Friend

PARTICIPANT 2. Continuous commitment toward maturity
(Integration of Confucianism and Christianity)

Life Stage    Self Concept         Emotional
                                   Maturity

Childhood     Proud                Prideful
Adolescence   Socially             Depressed
                inferior
Early 20's    Confident            Expressed

Post-Immigration

Late 20's     Competitive          Freer and
                                     less
                                     repressed
30's          Proud                Fulfilled

40's          Conflicted-          Depressed
                Confused
50's          Regains              Peaceful
                self-confidence

Life Stage    Concept/             Concept/
              Relationship         Relationship
              with others          with God

Childhood     obligated            Vague
Adolescence   Self-reliant         Incomprehensible

Early 20's    Shifted focus        A man-made
                from family to       concept
                self

Post-Immigration

Late 20's     Developed            No interest in
                interest in          God
                peers
30's          Loss of hope         Creator
                in marriage
40's          Poor family          Distant
                relationships
50's          Increased            Caring Father
                interdependence

PARTICIPANT 3. Intense growth through the discipleship
of different pastors.

Life Stage    Self Concept         Emotional
                                   Maturity

Childhood     Unwanted             Rejected

Adolescence   Isolated             Insecure and
                                     lonely
20's          Competent            Depressed and
                                     lonely

Post-Immigration

30's          Inadequate           Oppressed and
                especially           inferior
                as a mother
40's          Renewed sense        Peaceful
                of self as
                a believer

Life Stage    Concept/             Concept/
              Relationship         Relationship
              with others          with God

Childhood     Fear of being        Vague
                abandoned
Adolescence   Superficial          Distant

20's          Disappointed by      Inadequate
                human love           helper

Post-Immigration

30's          Disconnected         Judge
                and
                superficial
40's          Interdependent       Perfect Father

PARTICIPANT 4. Growth through dependent relationships
with church leaders and therapists.

Life Stage    Self Concept         Emotional
                                   Maturity

Childhood     Unloved and          Lonely
                unimportant
Adolescence   Inadequate           Intimidated
20's            Inadequate           Rejected

Post-Immigration

30's          Inadequate           Fearful about
                                     being
                                     rejected
40's          Superiority but      Felt loved
                returns to           through
                reality of           inner
                need                 healing
50's          A beloved child      Peaceful
                of God
              A bride of
                Jesus

Life Stage    Concept/             Concept/
              Relationship         Relationship
              with others          with God

Childhood     Fear of being        No interest
                rejected
Adolescence   Enmeshed             No interest
20's            Superficial          Distant and
                                     fearful

Post-Immigration

30's          Absolute             Judge
                dependence

40's          Transparent          Loving
                                     Father

50's          Self-reliant         Intimate
                                     bridegroom

PARTICIPANT 5. Fighting to prove her worth as a female
even in her spiritual journey.

Life Stage    Self Concept         Emotional
                                   Maturity

Childhood     Unwanted             Rejected

Adolescence   Superior             Resentful

Early 20's    Identity confusion   Depressed
                (independence        and
                vs. dependence)      confused

Late 20's     A forgiven sinner    Felt
                (conversion          accepted
                experience)          and valued

Post-Immigration

30's          Committed            Excited
                                     expectant

40's          Conflicting          Felt freer
                identity "us"
                vs. "me"

50's          Embracing            Peaceful
                different
                parts of self

Life Stage    Concept/             Concept/
              Relationship         Relationship
              with others          with God

Childhood     Fear of being        Caregiver
                rejected
Adolescence   Distant              Judge
                superficial
Early 20's    Disappointed         Distant
                by husband

Late 20's     Devoted to           Strong
                others'              passion
                salvation            for God

Post-Immigration

30's          Shifted              Intimate
                commitment           Father
                from church
                to family
40's          Prefer to relate     Loving
                to Western         mother
                over Korean
                Christians
50's          Accepted             Lord
                differences