Nature.

Young, Dale C

Half-joking, half-serious, seriously halved,
I wanted to find Him in the empty sleeve
of air surrounding the bell's clapper.

Would He not be found there, hovering
in the air prepared to carry sound? So many
silly ideas the adolescent carries around.

So many of us vowed chastity, the easy gesture
for those who had denied their own nature.
But Nature could not be ignored--the way it

snaps the heads off mice, takes the hatchlings
one by one, breaks the mule's back. I understood
the rules. We all did. Rule # 1: show kindness

to your brother. I wanted to show more
than kindness, wanted to favor my brothers,
for lack of a better word. Rule #2: Do unto others ...

I won't even go there. What point in that now?
There was always God reclining in the empty space
beside my hand, beside the thenar eminence,

beside my careful eyes that imagined the other
boys in all of their happiness. In every man, God
had placed Himself. In every man, I sought

to touch that God. Silly, I know. Silly.
What I wanted then was to break God's heart--
I wanted Him to snap my neck, break my back.