"Yo, Casimiro Flores".

Wood, Silviana

About the Play

Of all the plays in this anthology, "Yo, Casimiro Flores" is the most traditional when it comes to representing Chicano and Yaqui culture, reflecting decidedly Mexican values and popular celebrations.

This full-length play centers on the celebration of the Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, a traditional holiday during which people remember and honor loved ones who have died. The commemoration consists of decorating their tombs or graves with colorful flowers and altars, preparing their favorite foods and beverages, and having a picnic at the cemetery. It is believed that the souls of those who have died return on the Dia de los Muertos to eat the food that has been prepared in their honor.

"Yo, Casimiro Flores" starts with the main character having a nightmare and regretting the fact that four of his friends died when they all tried to cross the border illegally. Casimiro had the opportunity to help one survive, but his fear paralyzed him. On this Day of the Dead, Casimiro plans to set up the altar in memory of those fallen friends and to bring their favorite foods and drinks to their burial places, but instead he gets drunk, wishes to die, and, as the saying "be careful what you wish for" suggests, Death pays him a visit. Death in this case is not the typical grim reaper; instead it is the Aztec god of the dead, Mictlantecuhtli, and his sidekick, Calavera Nurse, both of whom are equipped with beepers. Mictlantecuhtli gives Casimiro an opportunity to redeem himself, and in the process the latter encounters a variety of characters ranging from those in traditional folklore tales, such as La Llorona, to popular real-life Mexican "legends," such as Cantinflas.

Through the use of numerous theatrical devices and symbolic images, "Yo, Casimiro Flores" reflects the hybridity of Chicano culture from the time of the Aztecs to the present day. The play teaches not only about a traditional Mexican holiday but also about Mechicanos' lives, the concept of the afterworld, and, above all, the rich culture that makes Chicanos, Yaquis, and Mexicans unique.

The development and first production of "Yo, Casimiro Flores" at the historic Guadalupe Theater in San Antonio, Texas, was made possible by the Guadalupe Cultural Arts Center under the Gateway Project funded by the Ford Foundation. The original music used in the play was composed by Raul Gonzalez Guzman, and the production was directed by Richard Talavera.

CHARACTERS

Except for CASIMIRO, ROCKY ROAD, MAD DOG, XOCHIL, DON PRISCILIANO, and MICTLANTECUHTLI, most roles may be doubled, depending on blocking and costume changes.

CASIMIRO FLORES: a Yaqui in his late thirties
EL COYOTE: any age
MIGUEL: mid- to late teens
JESUS: mid- to late teens
CARLOS: mid- to late teens
MARIEL: age fifteen
DON REMIGIO: a Yaqui maestro, very old, strong in appearance and
bearing

THE HUNTER/BORDER

PATROL AGENT: any age
MICTLANTECUHTLI: costumed and masked, tall, imposing, ageless
CALAVERA NURSE: preferably chubby, in her forties or older
ROCKY ROAD: twenty-five
MAD DOG: very thin, young teen
XOCHIL: fourteen, soon-to-be fifteen
DON PRISCILIANO: old man, in his seventies
ALLEGORICAL DANGERS: boulders, blades, winds, jaguars, and lizards
CANTINFLAS: Need we say more? Rent and watch his movies.
LA LLORONA: any age
CESAR CHAVEZ: dignified bearing, in his sixties
EHECATL: costumed and masked, any age
MARIA ISABEL: chubby, in her seventies
EL TANQUE: an obese, huge teen
EL PEEWA: a runty, skinny teen

Also, recorded offstage voices of MANUEL, CASIMIRO'S MOTHER, XOCHIL'S MOTHER, MAD DOG'S FOSTER MOTHER, and ROCKY'S SUGAR DADDY.

Act One

TIME

The present, a combined Halloween and Dia de los Muertos, but note that CASIMIRO's dream takes place in 1977, somewhere at the border between Mexico and the United States.

PLACE

The basement of an understaffed, underfunded general hospital near a barrio somewhere in the Southwest.

SET

There are many hospital or office room-dividers in various stages of disrepair and abandonment, overhead water/heating pipes, plastic bags filled with garbage, several laundry duffel bags, a few old Halloween decorations, and a ramp or step unit, preferably at center upstage, that leads to upstairs. There is a small, cramped rest area for CASIMIRO's coffee breaks: a small table with a large bowl of Halloween candies and the makings for instant coffee; a small portable TV near an old, beat-up recliner covered with a sarape; one or two chairs; and a box filled with a photo, pom-pom, food and drink, flowers, candles, etc., for the altar that CASIMIRO will set up on the table. GERALDINE, CASIMIRO'S best friend, is a discarded classroom skeleton that hangs on a nearby stand, dressed in her vintage Goodwill finery; a cigarette dangles from her upraised hand or from her mouth. The set does not change during ACT ONE.

TECHNICAL NOTES

The transitional lights between scenes should be down and up quickly even though the actors may not be completely in place. The music may start sooner than is indicated on script. An off-stage actor or technician will be needed for GERALDINE'S movements. The friends' dialogue in ACT ONE, Scenes 2 and 3 may be prerecorded for ethereal effect.

SCENE 1 * CASIMIRO'S DREAM

The introductory music is mysterious, dreamy. Lights come up as a soft moonlight is seen; on CASIMIRO at center stage, shadows. CASIMIRO is acting out his dream. He is dressed in his janitor's uniform with his hospital identification badge over his shirt pocket, but he is wearing parts of the Yaqui deer dancer's costume: a deer head with a red scarf tied across its antlers over a folded white handkerchief, cocoon rattles on his ankles, and a gourd in each hand. He is crouched, wary. The music changes to indigenous music or "la Danza del Venado." CASIMIRO dances; his movements should be hesitant and unskilled, but determined. EL COYOTE, wearing border cowboy clothes and a coyote mask, enters and joins the dance, stalking CASIMIRO. They hear a noise and EL COYOTE hides.

The music now changes to the same mysterious and dreamy introductory music from before. CASIMIRO's four friends, MIGUEL, CARLOS, JESUS, and MARIEL, enter. They are holding hands, helping each other in the desert darkness, and they are dressed for travel, carrying mochilas with their few clothes and containers of food and water.

CASIMIRO: (Urging them.) !Aquf, Miguel! Apurate, Carlos. Cuidado con los nopales, !Miguel! Ayudale a Jesus. Mariel, !dame la mano!

EL COYOTE comes out of his hiding place, hands out for his money. Everyone pays EL COYOTE. The four friends sense danger, but CASIMIRO reassures them and they follow him and EL COYOTE. Unseen by them, EL COYOTE gives a signal and quickly hides again. Gunshots are heard; lights become jumpy and erratic, following the running figures who are trying to hide and escape from the bullets. CASIMIRO and his friends run.

CASIMIRO: !Mariel! !Corre conmigo! (Goes toward MARIEL.)

MARIEL: !Casimiro! No puedo ver; !dame tu mano!

MARIEL puts her hand out to CASIMIRO. He goes to MARIEL and is ready to take her hand, but hesitates. He moves away from her quickly and hides. Louder gunshots are heard. CASIMIRO's friends are trapped, cornered. They are shot, and they fall to the ground, dying and wounded. CASIMIRO reacts but stays hidden. Music abruptly changes to joyous, lively music. EL COYOTE and CASIMIRO come out of hiding, and EL COYOTE gives CASIMIRO half of the money. They embrace and dance happily, waving the money in the air. A loud, sharp drumbeat is heard. The music is indigenous, blended with violin. DON REMIGIO enters, beating a drum. He's dressed completely in black, with a ragged black poncho over his pants and shirt, an old beat-up cowboy hat, and boots.

CASIMIRO: !Tata Remigio! (Shows him the money.) Mire, ahora si tengo dinero pard--

DON REMIGIO angrily pushes CASIMIRO'S hand aside, and the money falls to the ground. CASIMIRO kneels and starts to pick up the money.

DON REMIGIO: (Pointing at EL COYOTE accusingly.) !Coyote maldito!

EL COYOTE slinks away with guilt. DON REMIGIO turns to exit.

CASIMIRO: (Stands up.) Tata Remigio, espere. (Pleads, almost childlike.) No se vaya; mire, ya Nero aprendo su danza; mire, abuelito. (Starts to dance.)

Once again, the indigenous music or "la Danza del Venado" is heard. CASIMIRO dances but DON REMIGIO remains unimpressed, disapproving. THE HUNTER enters. He is armed and dressed in either military or Border Patrol uniform. CASIMIRO continues dancing and THE HUNTER stalks and shoots CASIMIRO. A gunshot is heard. CASIMIRO starts to fall. Freeze. Music goes up for the freeze, then down, then continues and blends with the drum beating. CASIMIRO falls to the ground; THE HUNTER takes the deer head as a trophy, and EL COYOTE takes the money and the gourds. THE HUNTER and EL COYOTE exit on very good terms.

DON REMIGIO: (Begins to sing or chant a Yaqui prayer.) Vesate sewau hotekate; sewa valikai, sewau hotekatee.

FOUR FRIENDS: (Rise. In unison, repeat slowly in Spanish as they cross to CASIMIRO.) Ya nos sentamos a la flor; pard recibir la flor, nos sentamos a la flor. (They kneel around CASIMIRO.)

MARIEL: (Repeats in English as she removes the handkerchief from CASIMIRO's head.) Already we sit down to the flower; to receive the flower, we sit down to the flower.

DON REMIGIO: (Still beating drum softly, repeats prayer.) Vesate sewau hotekate ... (kneels next to CASIMIRO) sewa valikai ... (lays drum down) sewai hotekatee ... (Cradles CASIMIRO'S head on his lap.) Ne Casimiro Flores: ...

FOUR FRIENDS: (Pray in unison.) Yo, Casimiro Flores: ...

They pick CASIMIRO up and carry him to his recliner chair. They remove the cocoon rattles and cover him with his sarape as they continue repeating the prayer and place an old book in his hands.

DON REMIGIO: (Louder.) Ne Casimiro Flores: sewa walikai, sewai hotekatee. (Gives one last, hard beat.) Ne Casimiro Flores:--

Lights go out. La Danza del Venado or indigenous music with violin increases in volume. Then out.

SCENE 2

Immediately after the dream. All lights up on stage. Ambulance or police sirens are heard. A Western television theme emanating from a TV set is heard. CASIMIRO is sleeping restlessly, mumbling. The same four friends who were in his dream are now visiting CASIMIRO. They have returned from Mictlan to visit the altar that CASIMIRO sets up for them every year, and they are watching him intently as he tries to wake up. Note: Except for some comedy "bits," the four friends will not be seen or acknowledged by CASIMIRO, and they can either start or finish his sentence or thought and complete his actions for him.

CASIMIRO: (Still dreaming.) Yo, Casimiro Flores ... para recibir la flor ...

MIGUEL: Ya, Casimiro, never mind las flores. (Crosses to CASIMIRO and yells near his ears.) !Despierta, Casimiro! It's time to set up our altar, c'mon, wake up! !Tenemos hambre!

CARLOS: Dejalo, Miguel. He'll be waking up soon.

The sounds of galloping horses emanating from the television set, then gunshots are heard.

CASIMIRO: (Sits up, half awake and half asleep.) !Mariel! !Dame tu mano!

JESUS: (To MARIEL.) Pobre, he'll never stop dreaming that night.

MIGUEL: La misma pesadilla de siempre, pero tonight at least it wasn't so bad. Mictlantecuhtli sent Don Remigio to help him.

CARLOS: ?Don Remigio? ?El maestro de los yaquis?

MARIEL: Don Remigio is his grandfather; he will be the best guide for Casimiro's journey. (Crosses to CASIMIRO. Caresses his brow. Softly.) Despierta, Casimiro, despierta.

CASIMIRO: (Very loudly.) !Mariel! !Dame tu mano! (Awake now.)

The FOUR FRIENDS move away and watch. CASIMIRO sits up and tosses the book aside. Beat. He turns off the TV, drinks water, and relaxes. CASIMIRO continues.

CASIMIRO: (To GERALDINE.) Ah, Geraldine, my love. Buenos dias, nalgas frias. (Takes her hand and kisses it. Removes her cigarette.) Cuantas veces te he dicho: smoking can kill you.

JESUS: (Nervously, to ease tension.) You can say that again.

FOUR FRIENDS: (Repeat admonishment to audience.) Smoking can kill you. (Giggle.)

CASIMIRO: Oyes, sweetheart, ?sabes que holiday es esta noche?

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison. Teasing.) Halloween!

They quickly pick up four orange plastic jack-o'-lanterns and hold them out for treats.

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) Trick or treat; give us something good to eat!

CASIMIRO: (To GERALDINE.) No, no, Geraldine. No Halloween, no trick or treat.

Disappointed FOUR FRIENDS put the jack-o'-lanterns down and move away aguitados.

CASIMIRO: (Continues.) Anyway, tu sabes que ni vienen aqui los trick or treaters. They're afraid porque saben que aqui en el basement del hospital ponen todos los dead bodies conmigo. Pobrecitos, tienen miedo.

CARLOS: ?Que pasa, pues? I'm dying of thirst; why hasn't he set up the altar with my Tecate beer?

CASIMIRO: (Removing the sarape from the recliner.) Esta noche, Geraldine, es Dia de los Muertos, and it's time to set up my altar again.

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) !A trabajar, muchachos!

They cross to CASIMIRO and help him cover the coffee table with the sarape.

CASIMIRO: (Takes a framed photo from the box.) Primero, la foto. (Stares intently, in reverie.)

MIGUEL, bien metiche, peers over CASIMIRO'S shoulder.

MIGUEL: (To others.) Es la foto que nos tomo Manuel, ?se acuerdan? Aquel dia despues del soccer game.

MIGUEL, CARLOS, and JESUS quickly pantomime some energetic soccer moves. CASIMIRO places the photo on the table and, remembering that day, seems to be seeing his friends when the photo was taken.

CASIMIRO: !Tenemos que ganarle a Navajoa!

Crosses to his friends and joins in soccer moves. MARIEL crosses to the box and takes out a bedraggled pum-pum.

MARIEL: (Cheers with pum-pum.) A la bim, a la bum, a la bim-bum-bah, Nogales, Nogales, rah-rah!

A goal is scored.

ALL: (In unison. Long, drawn-out.) G-O-L! (Jump and hug.)

MARIEL: !Vengan, pronto! Manuel nos va a sacar una foto.

JESUS, MIGUEL, and CARLOS run to MARIEL and strike a hugging pose while CASIMIRO watches.

MARIEL: (Continues.) !Casimiro! !Ven! No vamos a sacar la foto sin ti. Esperate, Manuel. !Casimiro! Ven; !apurate!

CASIMIRO runs to his friends and gets in the middle of them. He places his arras around MARIEL and CARLOS. All pose with serious looks. A recorded line from the unseen amateur photographer, MANUEL, is heard.

MANUEL: Pero no tan serios, you're not at a funeral. !Sonrian!

ALL: (Smiling and in unison.) !Enchiladas!

They freeze. Beat. A camera flash. Lights down as a corrido norteno is heard.

SCENE 3

Lights up and music down. CASIMIRO has placed the photo on the table. As he continues to speak and to place the other items on the table or around the room, his four friends, still unacknowledged by CASIMIRO, will continue to either start or finish his sentence or thought and complete the action for him.

CASIMIRO: Un six-pack de cerveza Tecate para el tragon de Carlos, tequila con sal y limon--

JESUS: Tequila? He's never put out tequila for us before.

CASIMIRO: El tequila es para mi. To celebrate my twentieth anniversary working in this hospital. (Continues taking out items.) Un bucket de Kentucky fried chicken para Mariel y Miguel--

MARIEL: La pechuga es para mi, Miguel, y que sea "extra crispy."

CASIMIRO: Y como siempre--el chop suey es para Jesus.

JESUS: ?Y los egg rolls? Casimiro, you know that I love egg rolls; ?por que nunca me compras egg rolls?

MIGUEL: He can't remember everything; no seas necio. Let's help him with the flowers.

CASIMIRO: (Snaps fingers.) !Las flores! I almost forgot the flowers. Lots of strong-smelling marigolds cempasuchiles bien apestosas-FOUR

FRIENDS: (Smell the flowers. In unison, holding their noses.) !Fuchi!

CASIMIRO:--SO that the muertos can smell them and find their way back to--FOUR

FRIENDS: Mictlan!

CASIMIRO:--wherever they go.

CASIMIRO and his friends put bouquets of marigolds in the plastic jack-o'-lanterns and place them on a path leading to the ramp or step unit at center upstage.

CASIMIRO: (Takes out four candles.) And finally, las velas.

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) So los muertos can see what they're eating! (Giggle and light candles.)

CASIMIRO lies on the recliner, legs crossed, hands behind his head, pleased with himself as he surveys the altar.

CASIMIRO: (To GERALDINE.) Geraldine, mi amor; tu sabes que por more than twenty years I've been setting up this altar con las ofrendas for my dead friends, sin saber if I was doing it right or wrong--

CARLOS: ?Y el libro, pues?

The friends scatter around, looking for the old book until one of them finds it and hands it to CASIMIRO.

CASIMIRO:--pero mira, according to this book, estoy haciendo todo bien. I found it anoche, right before my last coffee break, en la basura. Maybe one of the new candy-stripers threw it away by mistake--

JESUS: No era "mistake." ?Te acuerdas, Miguel? Mictlantecuhtli said Casimiro had to read it in preparation for his journey when his heart--

CASIMIRO: Anyway, I started to read it, y lueguito pense en mi tata Remigio. People used to call him "el maestro" because he knew everything about the Yaqui people. (Beat.) I'm Yaqui, ?sabias? (Reflective.) I thought about the times he wanted me to learn la Danza del Venado--

MIGUEL: The deer dance--es bien dificil. Not just anyone can learn to dance it.

CASIMIRO: It was amanda, a promise he made when I was very sick one time ... but I couldn't learn it; it was just too hard for me.

MARIEL: Casimiro, una manda se tiene que cumplir. You should've learned the dance. If not for you, then for your grandfather, Don Remigio.

CASIMIRO: Anyway, me dio sueno and I guess I fell asleep. And then I had the dream, el mismo sueno de siempre. But this time, my tata Remigio was in my dream, and I tried to dance. (Beat.) Mira. Este libro te dice todo de los aztecas.

Stands up, crosses to GERALDINE, and shows her the book, as the friends cross to him and peer over his shoulder.

CASIMIRO: (Reads title.) "Peregrinacion a Mictlan en el Dia de los Muertos."

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) "Journey to Mictlan on the Day of the Dead."

Lights flicker. Spooky but playful organ music, like "The Monster Mash."

FOUR FRIENDS: Uuuuh, se 'sta poniendo spooky.

CASIMIRO: Parece que no hicieron pay la 'lectricity otra vez. Que nuevas. (Beat.) A ver, aver, where was I? (Reads title again.) "Peregrinacion a Mictlan en el Dia de los Muertos." (Looks around to see if lights go out again but they stay on.) OK, maguey. "Peregrinacion" means journey. To Mictlan. OK, so where's this Mictlan place? (JESUS licks his finger, then leafs through pages for him.) Aha, aqui 'sta. (Reads.) "Mictlan: place of the dead; the dwelling of --"

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison. Fearful.) Mictlantecuhtli!

CASIMIRO turns to his friends. Comedy bit as he tries to see if he can see them. One time he almost sees one who gets scared at seeing CASIMIRO seeing him, peek-a-boo, etc.

CASIMIRO: (Reading. Pronouncing very slowly.) "Mic-tlan-te-cuh-tli, the Aztec god of the dead!"

Lights flicker. Same organ sound, louder.

CASIMIRO: I knew it! No pagaron la luz, Geraldine. Y last week we almost didn't get paid porque el payroll ran out of money. (Continues reading.) "Mictlantecuhtli. One of the most powerful of the Aztec gods. Mictlantecu--" (Looks around.) Nab, I'm not gonna say that name again. (Beat. Then mockingly to friends.) El Mictlante-cu-cui!

FRIENDS jump back, both fearful and enjoying the word play.

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) Te va 'garrar el cu-cui!

CASIMIRO: (Gets daring.) El mero chingon de los dioses. (Beat.) (Suddenly.) !Un brindis! (Serves himself a shot of tequila. To photo.) A shot of my tequila, mis amigos, con sal y limon, si me lo permiten. Salud, amigos: Jesus, Miguel, Carlos y... Mariel.

The FOUR FRIENDS quickly serve themselves a shot of tequila and gather around him. The toasts, clinking of glasses, lemon and salt will be done with very synchronized movements.

CASIMIRO: Salud. (Toasts.)

FOUR FRIENDS: !Salud! (Toast.)

CASIMIRO: Otro brindis. (Serves himself another shot.)

The FOUR FRIENDS serve themselves.

CASIMIRO: (Toasts.) Salud, amigos; salud, amor y pesetas.

FOUR FRIENDS: (In unison.) !Y tiempo para gastarlas! (All drink a shot of tequila.)

CASIMIRO: (Pouring himself another shot. Toasts photo.) I drink to your happiness and eternal peace.

Drinks it alone.

FOUR FRIENDS: (Toast and drink.) Un brindis para nuestra felicidad y la paz eterna.

Music, both melancholy and aggressive.

CASIMIRO: (Becoming bitter.) Dichosos los muertos; they only have to be here for one or two days, then back to Mictlan with the mighty Mictlantecuhtli. (Drinking the tequila straight from the bottle now.)

JESUS: O, o, ya esta comenzando el rencor. (Refilling glass shots.)

MIGUEL: Yeah, that's what tequila always does to you. Makes you mean and bitter. Watchalo.

CASIMIRO: (Continues drinking. Increased aggression.) So who needs an Aztec god anyway? (Gets abrasive.) ?Me oistes, Mictlantecuhtli? !No compones nada!

CARLOS: (A bit righteously.) See? That's why I never drink tequila; yo prefiero mi Tecate. (Drinks tequila anyway.)

The friends put down shot glasses and move away from CASIMIRO, fearful.

CASIMIRO: (Puts bottle down and crosses to center.) Mictlantecuhtli! I dare you to come and take me and put an end to my miserable existence! (Arms up in defiant supplication.) Si eres el dios tan poderoso que te crees, ven por mi. (Repeats very loudly.) !MICTLANTECUHTLI! !VEN POR MI!

The music is discordant. Lights flicker. Spot on GERALDINE, who is now moving spasmodically, unseen by CASIMIRO. Conch shell. Azteclindigenous music. Lights down and up on MICTLANTECUHTLI on top of the ramp or step unit. MICTLANTECUHTLI is standing tall, arms akimbo, in full costume, headdress, and face makeup. He carries a beeper/cellular phone on his waist. The CALAVERA NURSE, wearing a nurse's uniform and cap or green hospital operating scrubs and calavera face makeup is next to MICTLANTECUHTLI. She is holding a container of burning copal.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Aqui estoy, Casimiro Flores. I am Mictlantecuhtli, god of Mictlan, the land of the dead, or ... (walking down) as you so eloquently put it ... (stops midway) el mero chingon. A tus ordenes. (Nods smartly.)

CASIMIRO faints. The friends exit quickly. As lights go down, music goes up.

SCENE 4

Immediately after. The theme from a popular soap opera is heard. MIC-TLANTECUHTLI has removed his headdress and is lying down on the recliner, eating the old Halloween candies, and watching TV. The CALAVERA NURSE has spread out her latest, state-of-the-art communication gadgetry (iPod, beeper, Blackberry, laptop, portable video camera, Kindle, etc.) all over the basement and is now kneeling over CASIMIRO, attempting to revive him.

CALAVERA NURSE: Look, Mictlantecuhtli; parece que 'sta reviving. Pobrecito, you really scared him.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Too engrossed to turn to her.) ?Pues quien le manda salir con sus babosadas?

CASIMIRO sits up and looks intently at CALAVERA NURSE. He doesn't see MICTLANTECUHTLI behind him. Beat.

CASIMIRO: (Stalling.) Ehhh, trick or treat, right? (To GERALDINE.) Geraldine, can you believe it? We finally got some trick or treaters here. (To CALAVERA NURSE.) No offense, calaca, pero you look kinda old for trick-or-treating. Don't get me wrong; Geraldine y yo estamos bien happy to finally see someone down here with us. Anybody. (Beat.) ?Quieres candy? (Stands up, goes to table, and looks for candies.)

MICTLANTECUHTLI: I have the rancid candies. Ten. (Extends the bowl to CASIMIRO.)

CASIMIRO: (Afraid to turn around. To CALAVERA NURSE.) ?Quien es? Otro trick-or-treater?

MICTLANTECUHTLI gets up and stands behind CASIMIRO. Taps him on the shoulder.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Turn around and face me, Casimiro. ?O me tienes miedo? CASIMIRO: (Still won't turn.) ?Quien eres?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Ay, Casimiro. What a short memory you have. ?Que no te acuerdas que me llamaste? (Mimics.) "Mictlantecuhtli, ven pot mi." ?Que mas? Ah, si. "Mictlantecu-cui." Remember? !Que imprudencia! Pues, here I am. (Forcefully turns CASIMIRO around to face him.) Y la Calavera Nurse is my administrative assistant, a bit inept, pero what can! do? Good workers are so hard to find.

CALAVERA NURSE: My job is to keep track of every single person in the universe. See? (Shows CASIMIRO her gadgetry.) This is for this town. Antes, no era tan dificil to keep track of everybody, when everybody stayed put en el pueblo donde nacieron, pero ahora con el upward mobility, es una chinga keeping it up to date. Aqui tengo todos los nombres, con su numero, and a brief description. When someone kicks the bucket, o como dicen ustedes, cuando cuelgan los "tenis," Mictlantecuhtli gets a call on his beeper, then we come and take the body to Mictlan.

CASIMIRO: I am honored to meet both of you, y les pido disculpa por mi ... imprudence, pero you can leave now. Los dos se pueden ir.

CALAVERA NURSE: It's not that easy, Casimiro. Once Mictlantecuhtli comes for a body, that's it; no podemos regresar a Mictlan sin el cuerpo.

CASIMIRO: You need a body? In less than an hour, when the new interns on the midnight shift come on duty, tendran todos los cuerpos que quieran. You can take them!

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Que listo eres, Casimiro, para intercambiar lo que no es tuyo. Sorry, Casimiro, you called me, begging me to take you, pues aqui estoy and I'm ready to take you with me.

CASIMIRO: Pues, I refuse to go.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Patiently.) Casimiro, believe me, soy uno de los dioses mas poderosos, just like the book says. I can easily give you a fatal heart attack, end this discussion, and take you to Mictlan.

CASIMIRO: (To CALAVERA NURSE.) Can he really do that?

CALAVERA NURSE: Aha, he sure can. (Reading from her Rolodex, describing CASIMIRO.) "Casimiro Flores, age--" (To CASIMIRO.) Thirty-seven? (CASMIRO nods yes.) (Keeps reading.) "Employed as janitor in a hospital for twenty years; cruzo la frontera en mil novecientos setenta y siete, with his four friends, Jesus, Carlos, Miguel, and Mariel--

MICTLANTECUHTLI:--and led them straight into an ambush." Write that down.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Obeying. Writes.) "--and led them straight into an ambush."

CASIMIRO: I didn't know that the coyote would betray us! There was nothing I could do but run to save my life. We all had to run; it wasn't my fault. We had all agreed to take our chances in the desert that night. (Repeats.) It wasn't my fault.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Maybe not. (Crosses to altar. Derisively.) But now, do you really think que un container de chop suey is a fair exchange por una vida de un ser humano?

CASIMIRO: No! No lo es. But what of the twenty years I've spent here, alone, in this god-forsaken basement; sin ningun amigo, with no one to talk to but that stupid skeleton; ?eso no cuenta?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: !No, eso no cuenta! You've buried yourself in this basement porque eres un cobarde! (To CALAVERA NURSE.) Add this: "For that betrayal, Casimiro diligently sets up an altar en el Dia de los Muertos--" (Picks up the photo and studies it.) (Beat.) Pero, you didn't really think that placing this altar, con las ofrendas, velas y flores, would ease your guilt? Que ese dolor que cargas en tu alma would disappear like magic, con un trago de tequila?

CASIMIRO: Maybe not; la traicion no tiene perdon. But there was nothing else I could do, was there?

A beeper goes off.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Parece que ya llegaron tus interns, Casimiro. (Reads the number on his beeper.) The number's not too clear; pero we may soon have the body you were so ready to exchange for yours. (Beeper goes off again. Reading beeper.) It's still not clear, pero parece 587-6614. ?Quien es?

CALAVERA NURSE: 587-6614? (Reading from her Rolodex.) Es la Rocky Road. (Tense, worried.) ?Y Don Prisciliano? Where is he? ?Que no lave? He's always there--

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (With power to see beyond.) Don Prisciliano isn't looking up. He doesn't see Rocky. Esta platicando con Xochil. She's describing her upcoming quinceanera fiesta to him.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Fervently.) Look up, Don Prisciliano, look up; no le quite la vista a Rocky.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Still seeing beyond.) Bullets. Wayward bullets and blood running in the street. Parece que es initiation night. I see El Tanque y El Peewa de la pandilla del Southside--habra muchas, muchas balas.

CALAVERA NURSE: Xochil! (With urgency.) Mictlantecuhtli, you must take Xochil away from the bullets.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Angry.) iSabes bien que no puedo! She cannot escape her destiny. (Beat.) It's gonna be a busy night, Calavera. Too busy for just the two of us; we'll need help. (They exchange meaningful looks, then both look at CASIMIRO.)

CASIMIRO" (Beat.) ?Que?

CALAVERA NURSE: (Doubtful.) Mictlantecuhtli, I don't think that he can--

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Why not? The trip must be made, alone or with company; either way, he'll have to do it, no? He may as well earn it.

CASIMIRO: Earn what? I'm not working overtime! E1 bookkeeper ya no quiere authorize nada de overtime.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Overtime? ?Y como a mi nadie me paga overtime, eh? (Beat.) A while ago you were talking about betrayals and forgiveness, Casimiro. Those are very difficult concepts for me to understand, la traicion, el perdon y la redencion. How can we correct the mistakes we made in the past?

CASIMIRO: Don't you think I've asked myself that over and over? !No podemos cambiar el pasado!

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Yo si puedo cambiar el pasado.

CASIMIRO: Can you really change the past?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Most of the time. But it's the future that's a bitch. (Beat.) You wanted me to come and take you to Mictlan, no? Para mi, eso tambien es muy facil. I can take you to Mictlan right now, con o sin el perdon de nadie. Or ...

CASIMIRO: Or what?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Or you can take four bodies to Mictlan for me and return bien perdonado. A fair exchange, no crees? Cuatro cuerpos por los cuatro amigos que traicionaste. (A beeper goes off.) So, Casimiro, what will it be: tu vida o ese perdon que buscas?

Aztec or indigenous music is heard. Lights go down and the sound of a beeper gets louder.

SCENE 5

Lights up. The theme from the Oprah Winfrey Show is heard. MICTLANTECUHTLI and the CALAVERA NURSE are drinking tequila, watching TV. CASIMIRO is cleaning up.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (To CALAVERA NURSE. La Oprah Winfrey. Que mujer. Today she's gonna try to turn these ugly ducklings into beautiful women con un "makeover." Lots of luck, Oprah, porque estan mas feas que mi wife, Mictecacihuatl. (Shudders.)

CASIMIRO: Bueno, pues, since I've agreed to take your next four bodies to Mictlan, I think you should explain your beeper system to me mientras que esperamos los cuerpos, ?no?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Shows CASIMIRO his beeper.) You see, Casimiro, everything's high technology now. Tu sabes, high tech. Todos tienen sus beepers, ?no? (CASIMIRO nods yes.) Pues, yo tambien: caller ID, call waiting, cellular phones, conference calls, call forwarding, tengo todo. So that makes my job much easier. Este numero es de la Rocky Road.

CASIMIRO: Rocky Road? La nieve?

CALAVERA NURSE: No, no es la ice cream. Asina se llama, Rocky Road. Bueno, mils bien es un nickname que se puso ella misma ... (Reads description from her Rolodex.) "Rocky Road, age twenty-five, but looks younger--or older depending on makeup. Somehow manages to live dangerously and to fall in love with rats. Married rats. She's a 'party animal,' dances salsa--or punk--all night, smokes, drinks tequila, has a black belt in karate, hang-glides, bungee jumps--"

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Bungee jumps? ?Que es eso?

CALAVERA NURSE: Pos, the way I understand it, se suben en un platform bien alto--y se ponen un harness, un cinturon, yo creo, y luego--brincan!

MICTLATECUHTLI: ?Brincan? ?A poco? (Beat.) Just like the voladores de Papantla, ?no? It pleases me that something has endured from the greatness of the Aztecas (with sarcasm) even if it's only jumping off high platforms.

CASIMIRO: (Curious.) This Rocky Road sounds like a real interesting person. Me hubiera gustado conocerla.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Oh, don't worry; you'll be meeting her soon enough; they're bringing her here, to this hospital. (Musing.) La Rocky Road. (To CALAVERA NURSE.) Lo que no dice en tu Rolodex es que she has a special laugh that sounds like bells ringing. And a throaty voice. She likes to give a "dramatic pause" and makes circling motions with her hand while she searches for just the right word.

CALAVERA NURSE: Asina: "Death is just an (stops; makes three circling motions) ... experience." Pero, this time, you might say she took a (stretches word) 1-o-n-g dramatic pause and died before she found the word she wanted! (Giggles at her wit until MICTLANTECUHTLI'S glare stops her.)

MICTLANTECUHTLI: "An experience." Pero no se crean; at the end, they're all afraid. And they exit kicking and crying. Chillones. Pero como dice mi paisano, Jose Alfredo Jimenez: "la vida no vale nada."

CASIMIRO: (Suddenly, to break silence.) !Un brindis! (Quickly pours three shots of tequila.)

ALL: (Toast.) !A la vida! (Drink tequila with salt and lemon with very synchronized movements.)

They keep drinking and immediately become sentimental drunks.

CASIMIRO: (Singing.) "No vale nada la vida, la vida no vale nada--

CALAVERA NURSE: (Hugs him and sings with him.) "Comienza siempre llorando, y asi llorando se acaba--

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Hugs CASIMIRO on other side and also sings.) "Pot eso es que en este mundo--

ALL: "La vida no vale nada."

They end the song with more hugs and maudlin statements of love and friendship. Beeper goes off.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Sobers up instantly. Reflectively.) La Rocky. So she finally did it. Vayan por el cuerpo de Rocky Road; esta en el corridor outside the Emergency Room. Y tu, Casimiro ... (Referring to CALAVERA NURSE.) Cuidala. She loves to go into the Intensive Care Unit and play with the heart defibrillators.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Still tipsy.) O, si. Especially when it's full of chief executive officers. (Demonstrates.) Agarro los defibrillators--asina--place them over the heart, como el doctor George Clooney en E.R. y luego: z-z--z-z-z-z-z-z-zz!

MICTLANTECUHTLI: !Apurense! You've wasted enough time already.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Saluting like a soldier, but still drunk.) Adelante, mi comandante. (Takes CASIMIRO by arm.) Vamos, Casimiro. !Por el cuerpo de la encantadora Rocky Road!

CASIMIRO and CALAVERA NURSE: (Exit, embracing, singing and staggering.) "Por eso es queen este mundo, la vida no vale nada."

Lights down and music up. TV still on and the Oprah theme is heard.

SCENE 6

Lights up. CASIMIRO is standing over a covered body on a gurney. The CALA VERA NURSE is standing next to him, holding the old book, giving CASIMIRO instructions. Applying what he learned on the Oprah Show, MICTLANTECUHTLI is raptly giving himself a "makeover."

CASIMIRO: (Repeating an invocation, hands over the body.) "Les imploro: al dios Mictlantecuhtli y a la diosa Mictecacihuatl--"

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Applying makeup.) Mi wife, la Mickey. Hijo, que si me hace nag. All day long. (Mimics.) Mictlantecuhtli, go see why Huitzilopochtli and Quetzalcoatl are fighting; las milpas de aguacate no tienen agua porque Tlaloc trai pleito casado con el senor Cesar Chavez y--

CALAVERA NURSE: "--que Cantinflas se puso de tour guide, pero se la lleva platicando and ends up getting lost, y que los babies en Chichihuacuauhco no tienen Pampers--" (Stops sheepishly. To CASIMIRO.) Sorry, sigue.

CASIMIRO: (Continues invocation.) "To the water gods, Tlaloc and Chalchi-salchichas!"

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Correcting him.) Chalchihuiticue.

CASIMIRO: Esto es demasiado dificil. I can't even pronounce these gods' names. Chal-chi-hui-ti-cue. Why don't you just say "water gods"?

MICTLANTECUHLI: (Angry, explosive.) ?Y como si puedes pronunciar los nombres de los dioses aqui? The powerful gods of capitalism? El poderoso (pronounces as one word, Aztec-sounding) let's-go-shopping-charge-it-Jerry-McGuire-getthe-money-get-the-money god?

CALAVERA NURSE: (To CASIMIRO, placating.) Go on; los nombres de los dioses get easier the more you say them. (Reads.) "Al dios de las flores, Xochipilli--"

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Xochipilli, my favorite. God of the flowers. Did you know, Casimiro, that every flower here on earth is someone's soul?

CASIMIRO: No, no lo sabia, Pero it makes sense. Somehow. Mi abuelito, Tata Remigio, always talked about a flower world. La sea ania. (Beat.)

CALAVERA NURSE: (Reading.) "Y Iztapapalotl--"

MICTLANTECUHTLI: "God of the butterflies." ?Sabias que de ahi viene la palabra papalote? Kites. And that our warriors who die in battle return to earth as hummingbirds or butterflies after traveling with the sun por cuatro anos?

CALAVERA NURSE: Mictlantecuhtli, he's never going to finish the invocation si nomas lo estas interrupting.

Beeper is heard.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Reads number on beeper.) 578-1311. ?Quien es?

CALAVERA NURSE: (Puts down the old book and reads from her Rolodex.) Es "el Mad Dog Sanchez."

MICTLANTECUHTLI: "Mad Dog?" ?Estas segura que no es el numero del dog pound? Muy pronto hasta los perros van a trair sus "beepers." Ya ni la friegan.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Defensively.) Hey, I don't make these names up; nomas estoy reading what it says here: el Mad Dog Sanchez.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Bueno, Florence Nightingale; no te aguites. With a name like that tiene que ser un bona fide gang member, o otro stupid "wanna be."

CALAVERA NURSE: Neither one. Ni gang member, ni "wanna be." Era un "gonna be." He was supposed to prove himself tonight. Pero, he didn't make his initiation. You could say que one of the other gang's members--El Peewa o El Tanque--put Mad Dog to sleep. (Giggles.)

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Vamos por el. (He and CALAVERA NURSE start to exit.)

CASIMIRO: Hey, wait! ?Pa' donde creen que van? You can't leave me with ... her. (Gestures to body on gurney.)

MICTLANTECUHTLI: ?Y por que no? She's dead; ?que te va a hacer? (Beat.) Maybe if you had met her when she was alive, de seguro she would've broken your heart, Casimiro. ?Pero muerta? Here, you can do the invocation without help. (Tosses the old book to him.) Page 287.

CASIMIRO: !No! No puedo y no quiero.

Throws book down. A horrified CALAVERA NURSE quickly picks it up and hands it to MICTLANTECUHTLI.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Unruffled.) You really don't have any choice, do you? We have to go pick up this "Mad Dog" for you, and you can continue the invocation and bring her back to life, or, quedate con ella asi--muerta. (Beat. CASIMIRO takes the book. MICTLANTECUHTLI continues, giving instructions.) You start by imploring to the gods, you call their names as you called mine-pero no les digas dioses chingones, they're not as tolerant as I am--and then ... you wait. (CALAVERA NURSE and MICTLANTECUHTLI start to exit.)

CALAVERA NURSE: (Stops and turns to CASIMIRO.) Oh, one more thing, Casimiro. Use maracas. The gods love to hear maracas. Cha cha cha. (Both exit.)

CASIMIRO: (Mimics.) "The gods love to hear maracas." Chistosa. Page 287. (Finds page.) Orale, Rocky, here goes. (Reads.) "Les imploro: al dios Mictlantecuhtli y a la diosa Mictecacihuatl ..." (Looks down at ROCKY. Nothing. Continues.) "Al dios de las flores, Xochipilli, and to the god of the butterflies, Itzapapalotl--" (GERALDINE moves convulsively,) "Yo, Casimiro Flores, implore you to lift this body--" (Unseen by CASIMIRO, ROCKY sits up. CASIMIRO continues the invocation) "--and take it to Mictlan, the land of the dead."

Beat. ROCKY falls back. CASIMIRO looks away from the book and looks at ROCKY lying down. Gives ROCKY a dirty look, crosses to the table, and starts to put all of his ofrendas back into the box. The photo of his friends is the last item and CASIMIRO holds it, meditatively.

CASIMIRO: (Continues. Turns to ROCKY.) Mictlantecuhtli said you would break my heart, pero he was mistaken; no tengo corazon. ?Me olstes, Rocky Road? !No tengo corazon!

ROCKY ROAD, hearing her name, sits up, sheet to her waist, and looks around.

ROCKY ROAD: Ya pues, you don't have to shout; aqui estoy, mi rey.

ROCKY jumps off the gurney, flinging the sheet aside. She is wearing a striking outfit of tiger, leopard, or zebra skin.

ROCKY ROAD: (Continues directly to audience.) Orale, raza; it's party time! (Toward sound booth.) !Musica, maestro, o me voy!

A sensual danzon plays in the background.

ROCKY ROAD: (Hand out to CASIMIRO, invitingly seductive.) ?Bailamos, mi amor? Lights go down as music goes up.

SCENE 7

Danzon continues. ROCKY ROAD and CASIMIRO are dancing, ROCKY is leading. Danzon ends. ROCKY lets go of CASIMIRO abruptly; he almost falls but catches his balance.

ROCKY: Not bad, partner; pero you do need more practice.

ROCKY looks around, sees the tequila, serves herself a shot, and drinks it expertly and with great thirst. Picks up the photo.

ROCKY: (Continues.) Cute; estan guapos los ... chavalones. ?Quienes son? Parecen part of a soccer team. Ah, there you are. Te ves bien joven; when was this picture taken? (Reads the date on the back.) April 1977. How old were you? Fifteen, sixteen? Uuuuh, you've got your arm around someone. ?Quien es la cheerleader? (Shows CASIMIRO the picture.)

CASIMIRO: (Tightly.) Mariel.

ROCKY: (Laughs her tinkling laugh, which annoys CASIMIRO.) Mariel. Bonito nombre; I like it. Sounds ... cosmic. ?Es tu girlfriend?

CASIMIRO doesn't respond but takes the photo from her and places it the box. ROCKY checks out CASIMIRO.

ROCKY: (Continues.) ?Y tu? What's your name?

CASIMIRO: (Somewhat formally.) Casimiro Flores, para servirle. (Puts out his hand for her to shake but she ignores it.)

ROCKY: Casimiro? Sounds ... traditional. (Puts her fingers around her eyes like eyeglasses. Teases,) Doctor Oculista, casi miro, pero no miro. I think I need glasses. !A lo mejor estoy ciego!

CASIMIRO: ?Y a poco crees que tu nombre esta muy pretty? Rocky Road. Mejor te hubieras puesto pistachio nut.

ROCKY: (Ignores his remark.) Bueno, si ... Mariel no es tu novia, entonces (crossing to GERALDINE) maybe she is ... (Facing CASIMZRO.) ?Como se llama mi rival? (CASIMIRO refuses to answer her.) Anda, don't be mad. (Referring to GERALDINE.) No esta fea, pero she looks like she's been on a diet too long. (GERALDINE hits ROCKY on her shoulder.) Ow! (To GERALDINE.) No es pa' tanto, cara de espanto. (To CASIMIRO.) Parece que 'sta jealous la girlfriend. C'mon, she's gotta have a name; ?Como se llama?

CASIMIRO: (Blurts out.) Geraldine. Nomas Geraldine.

ROCKY: (Laughing.) Geraldine! Que ... precious. Well, I hate to kiss and run, pero there's no action here, so ya me voy. Arrivederci. (Crosses to exit.)

CASIMIRO: (Very quickly.) ?A cual kiss?

ROCKY: Dices bien; no hubo kiss, just a dance and good tequila. Pero eso se remedia easily, ?no?

(Crosses to CASIMIRO, dips him backwards, and gives him a nice, long, passionate kiss. He is too astounded to respond and almost falls when she finally lets go of him.)

ROCKY: There. Para que no digas que no pague pot el tequila.

ROCKY heads toward one of the room dividers leaving an open-mouthed

CASIMIRO. Gets confused when she can't find an exit.

ROCKY: Hey, where's the exit? ?Por donde salgo? Where am I, anyway?

CASIMIRO: En el basement del hospital.

ROCKY: Hospital? (Beat. Starts to remember slowly. Crosses to CASIMIRO. Points upward.) Alla arriba 'sta el Emergency, ?no? I remember waiting hours and hours before ...

ROCKY: (Continues.) ... they finally got around to pumping my stomach, para sacarme las pildoras. But it was too late, ?verdad?

CASIMIRO: (Nods yes. Beat.) Why did you take the pills?

ROCKY: ?Por qua? Why does anyone take too many pills? (Crosses to gurney.) Because I wanted to die; I was ready to die. And maybe I thought that the old viejito downstairs would see me in time, but he didn't look up. (Climbs up on the gurney.) He was enjoying Xochil's visit, probably describing his aches and pains to her. (Starts to cover herself with the sheet.)

CASIMIRO: I still don't understand why you--

ROCKY: ?Sabes qua? You're boring me, and if I had wanted to be bored, I wouldn't have taken the pills. Life bored me, OK? So, dejame en paz. (Lies down, covers her face with sheet. Beat. Sits up again. Uncovers her face.) And one more thing, Casimiro; I know that this ... dump ain't heaven or hell, so don't you dare bring me back, unless you've got a good reason. ?Me ofstes? A damn good reason. (Covers head and lies down.)

Lights go down as Danzon music goes up.

SCENE 8

Lights up. MICTLANTECUHTLI and CALAVERA NURSE wheel in MAD DOG, who is covered with a hospital sheet, and place him next to ROCKY ROAD.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (To CASIMIRO, referring to ROCKY,) ?Que paso? Didn't you try the invocation?

CASIMIRO: (Calmly drinking coffee.) Oh, I got her up alright, pero she got mad y se volvio a acostar.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (To ROCKY.) ?Es cierto, Rocky? (ROCKY nods yes under the sheet.) Ay, ?que voy hacer contigo? I know you're gonna raise hell in Mictlan if I don't find something to occupy your time there. (ROCKY nods another yes.)

CALAVERA NURSE: Why don't you introduce her to Selena? Ella siempre esta complaining queen Mictlan nadie tiene rhythm y que los concheros need to update their steps--

Beeper sounds.

MICTLANTECUHLI: You were right, Casimiro; we'll have four bodies very quickly. (Reads number on beeper.)

CALAVERA NURSE: ?Otro gang member? ?EI Tanque? ?El Peewa?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Very sad.) No. I don't have a complete number yet, pero no es un gang member; it's one of the Innocents.

CALAVERA NURSE: Es Xochil, ?verdad?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Nods yes.) It won't be long now, le falta poco. (Gets angry.) Parece que'l mentado Mad Dog wasn't satisfied to seek his death alone, tambien se lleva a una de las inocentes, one who wasn't even expecting death. (To CALAVERA NURSE.) Vamos, we don't have much time, pero maybe we can still help. (Both start to exit.)

CASIMIRO: (Stops them.) Hey, wait! You can't just keep waltzing in here with dead bodies and leaving them here with me. Este hospital--believe me--tiene proper procedures con el required paperwork, processing, death certificates--

Beeper goes off.

CALAVERA NURSE: ?Xochil?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Without reading beeper number.) Si, es Xochil.

CALAVERA NURSE and MICTLANTECUHTLI gross to exit.

CASIMIRO: ?Y ahora pa' donde creen que van?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Softly.) A recoger una flor. Xochil Martinez. (Rhetorically.) Would you believe it? A fower blossoming aqui, entre las espinas de tu barrio? (Suddenly very angry.) Una flor, cut down by a bullet aimed at this scum: el Mad Dog Sanchez. (Pushes gurney toward CASIMIRO and exits with CALAVERA NURSE following him.)

Lights down.

SCENE 9

ROCKY: (Sitting up.) Uhhhh, he sure is mad.

CASIMIRO: I thought you weren't getting up again.

ROCKY: Te dije que nomas for a good reason, remember? Besides getting to finally meet Selena, yo digo que finding out who got Mictlantecuhtli so pissed off is a damn good reason, verdad? Let's meet el Mad Dog Sanchez! (Jumps off gurney.) Levantalo, Casimiro.

CASIMIRO: Oh no; Yo no levanto a nadie. Never again.

ROCKY: Andale, don't be such a ... piss-ant all your life. (Looks around for the book and finds it.) ?Que page?

CASIMIRO: (Reluctant, but curious.) 287.

ROCKY: 287? Aqui esta. (Reads.) "Les imploro: al dios Mictlantecuhtli y la diosa Mictecacihuatl--"

CASIMIRO: (Crossing to her.) That's his nagging wife, la diosa reganona. Can you believe it? She sends Mictlantecuhtli to buy Pampers.

ROCKY: Good. All husbands should be sent to buy Pampers. Shhh. (Continues reading.) "Created by Ometeotl; les imploro a los water gods, Tlaloc y--"

CASIMIRO: (Pronounces expertly to show off.) "Chalchihuiticue."

ROCKY/CASIMIRO: (Together,) "Al dios de las flores, Xochipilli, and the god of the butterflies, Iztapapalotl." We, Rocky Road and Casimiro Flores, implore you to lift the body of Mad Dog Sanchez 'MAD DOG rises) and lead him to Mictlan!

MAD DOG jumps off gurney. He is dressed in typical "cholo": plaid flannel shirt, baggy pants, neutral-color headband, shades, etc.

ROCKY/CASIMIRO: (Together.) We did it! (High five.)

In the background, rap music is heard.

MAD DOG: (Rapping and break dancing.) Yo soy el Mad Dog Sanchez, and that's easy to say; me gusta matar people in a major way. Yeah, I know that killing's no game, but here in the barrio, it's the quickest road to fame; un hero no llora so don't mention my pain, when you're writing a poem or a very triste cancion, just remember my name; ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lie, I don't know the reason, so don't even ask why, I just know that today El Tanque y el Peewa will have to die!

MAD DOG whips out a knife and advances toward CASIMIRO and ROCKY.

CASIMIRO places ROCKY behind him in a protective gesture, but ROCKY steps around him.

ROCKY ROAD: (Executing fancy preliminary karate steps, yells.) Ki-ya! (Ready to knock the knife out of MAD DOG's hand.) Lights go down as a contemporary rap plays in the background.

SCENE 10

Lights up and music down. CASIMIRO is reading the old book, ROCKY is pacing impatiently, and the CALAVERA NURSE is placing an ice pack on MAD DOG's wrist. He is sitting on the gurney.

MAD DOG: (Wincing in pain.) Owwww! That hurts.

ROCKY: Don't be such a ... puppy dog. You sound just like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz. (Mimicking.) "Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding?" MAD DOG: Lady, you're dangerous; you shouldn't be allowed out on the streets.

ROCKY: Neither should you--without your rabies shots. (To CALAVERA NURSE.) Pues, ?cuando regresa Mictlantecuhtli? He should've already been back, no? How come you came back by yourself?

CALAVERA NURSE: He'll be here soon. It's just taking him longer porque Xochil was one of the Innocents.

ROCKY: Innocents? Who are they?

CALAVERA NURSE: Los inocentes son the ones you least expect to die. Or that you think shouldn't die porque they haven't really lived their lives, nor reached their potential. Estan floreciendo, dice Mictlantecuhtli, ROCKY: Pues, why do they die?

CASIMIRO: Who knows why anybody dies? Maybe es como dijia mi tata Remigio cuando no sabra la answer: nomas porque si. Just because.

MAD DOG: Or like one of my foster mothers always said: quien te manda. Shit, that would make me mad. No matter what happened to me, she would just say: quien te manda. She could never explain anything.

CALAVERA NURSE: Oh, sometimes it can be explained. An unknown virus, bad luck, human error, a drunk driver, or, in Xochil's case (directly at MAD DOG), a stray bullet meant for someone else.

MAD DOG: Hey, it wasn't my fault! El Tanque y El Peewa started to shoot wild--Don Prisciliano tried to stop Xochil--

CALAVERA NURSE: (Ignores him.) And, when it can't be explained, there's always the "Pobre, ya le tocaba."

ROCKY: El "yale tocaba." That sounds so ... existentialist.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Continues explaining.) The Innocents are always confused, scared. And angry. Por eso it's taking Mictlantecuhtli so long to bring Xochil. She's very angry, but he'll calm her down; van aver. He has a way with words.

ROCKY: Well, you'd think that by now, a god as powerful as Mictlantecuhtli--or any other god--would've figured out a way to protect the Innocents, no?

CALAVERA NURSE: (Beat.) Yes, you would think so. Pero nadie puede proteger a los inocentes. Not even a god as powerful as Mictlantecuhtli. (Sensing without seeing.) Ya viene Mictlantecuhtli con Xochil.

Soft music is heard in the background. All stand and turn toward ramp/ step unit as MICTLANTECUHTLI leads XOCHIL by the hand. She is dressed in a school uniform. A calm and smiling XOCHIL looks around CASIMIRO's room.

CALAVERA NURSE: ?Que les dije? Xochil ya no esta tan enojada como estaba before Mictlantecuhtli had his talk with her.

XOCHIL, still smiling beatifically, crosses to MAD DOG and gives him a resounding slap that knocks him down.

CALAVERA NURSE: Well, I did say not as angry, didn't I?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Sorry, Mad Dog, I did have to promise her that one slap.

(Beat.) Bueno, you have a lot of things to do before you leave--

CASIMIRO: Pero nomas son tres cuerpos; didn't you say I had to take four? (Gets suspicious.) Hey, I'm not gonna be the fourth body, am I?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: No, Casimiro, trust me; you're not the fourth body. (Beat.) As I was saying, you have a lot of things to do before you leave, pero primero, let's introduce ourselves. Como los gringos en sus meetings: (With accent.) "Give us your name and tell us a little something about yourself." (Beat.) Ya saben quien soy yo. (Nods to ROCKY to begin.)

ROCKY: My real name is Raquel Castillo, but I changed it to Rocky Road. Not for the ice cream, pero for my philosophy on life. it's a rocky road; get it?

MAD DOG: Yo soy el Mad Dog Sanchez. And let me tell you right now antes que somebody else decides to give me another karate kick or a slap. I never meant to hurt anyone. I was ready to join the gang nomas porque no soy un coward. With my luck I figured I was gonna get killed before I killed anyone--just like it happened. And if I was gonna get killed, pues at least maybe someone in the 'hood would write a corrido about me.

XOGHIL: You went out to shoot someone for a corrido? Pues why didn't you just go fix a horse race instead? Como en "el moro de Cumpas."

MAD DOG: The who?

CALAVERA NURSE: "El moro de Cumpas." El moro was a very famous horse from el pueblito de Cumpas, en Sonora. (Singing. Pantomimes riding a horse.) "El diecisiete de marzo, en la ciudad de Agua Prieta, vino gente de 'onde quiera--"

XOCHIL: I remember that song. It's my Dad's favorite corrido, porque el era de Cumpas. He claims to have been there, at the horse race, when the horse, "el moro," won--or lost, I forget which. But he always said he thought that the race was fixed. (To MAD DOG.) Anyway, I can't believe I'm here, stuck with a bunch of losers, just because you wanted a corrido named after you.

MAD DOG: Who you calling a loser? ?Que te crees? You and your friends. Stuck up como si you owned the world. I used to watch you, en la elementary, before you transferred to your fancy private school, but you never once looked at me. Un dia, we were gonna have a test, and the vieja teacher said we had to use a number two pencil. Pues, I didn't have a pencil--number two or any other number--so I asked you to lend me one of yours and you just looked at me like you were smelling a fart.

All turn to XOCHIL, who has a fart-smelling pose.

MAD DOG: Yeah, just like you're doing now.

XOCHIL: (Quickly changes her fart-smelling expression and smiles sweetly. To the others.) My name is Xochil Martinez--

CASIMIRO: Named for the god of the flowers, Xochipilli!

XOCHIL: No, I wasn't! Me nombraron por la "Panaderia Xochil," where my mom worked when she got pregnant with me. Anyway, as I was saying, my name is Xochil Martinez; tengo catorce anos, pero soon to be fifteen--I'm already planning my quinceanera ... (Beat. Realizing.) No, I guess not. Fourteen. There, I'm done.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Bueno. You are now heading to Mictlan, place of the dead. Your journey will be long and difficult, pero las ofrendas de su familia y amigos will help you. (Lectures.) In our world, how you died determines where you'll end up in Mictlan. Xochil, you're going to be with the children en Chichihuacuauhco--

XOCHIL: Yo no quiero estar con los ninos; I'm too old for that, and I don't want to be stuck babysitting.

ROCKY/MAD DOG: (Together.) ?Y nosotros?

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Ay, Rocky y Mad Dog, todavia no se where you'll be porque we don't have a place in Mictlan for persons who die como ustedes dos: de puro stupidity.

CASIMIRO: Bueno, let Mictlantecuhtli finish lo que 'sta diciendo, so we can leave. Yo tengo mucho que hacer and you're holding me up. Mictlantecuhtli, sigue.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Before reaching Mictlan, you must cross nine levels--eight, really, because your life here, on earth, is the first level. You will encounter many dangers: eight deserts without water; ocho montanas de alturas peligrosas; and you must cross eight rivers. Encontraran jaguares, winds as sharp as obsidian knives, flechas que vuelan por el aire, green serpents and lizards, and in Teocoyllqualoyan, your hearts will be eaten--

Beeper sound is heard.

CALAVERA NURSE: (Annoyed.) !Ay! Just when he was getting to the good part! (Sadistic. Demonstrates.) En Teocoyllqualoyan les arrancan el corazon--

MICTLANTECUHTLI: (Reading beeper.) 893-43--

CALAVERA NURSE: (Interrupts and completes the number by memory.) 36. It's 893-4336. (To MICTLANTECUHTLI.) Es Don Prisciliano.

XOCHIL: Don Prisciliano? I know him! (To others.) He lives down the street from me, and he's always sending me to the tiendita to buy things he needs. Rocky, you know him, too; he lives downstairs, across from your apartment.

ROCKY ROAD: ?El viejito que se la pasa siempre sentado afuera? Is that his name, Don Prisciliano? I could always see him from my window, just sit ting there. Watching the world go by. I always had this weird feeling that he was looking out for me, you know, that he worried about me when no one else gave a damn.

CALAVERA NURSE: Pues, he was looking out for you. Don Prisciliano's a very caring person.

MAD DOG: Oh, yeah? He's always hated my guts. When I walk by, he always mumbles in Spanish: "desgraciado pachuco." What's that, anyway?

CASIMIRO: (Impatiently.) Bueno, pues, is this Don Prisciliano the fourth body we're waiting for?

CALAVERA NURSE: Maybe. Don Prisciliano siempre se anda muriendo--

MICTLANTECUHTLI: But he never dies! Puro false alarms. Los paramedics ya ni quieren ir a su casa.

CALAVERA NURSE: Mictlantecuhtli, it looks serious this time. Tiene pneumonia.

XOCHIL: No wonder his chest hurt! And that's why he was sending me to the tiendita to buy him some Vicks. Pobrecito. This time he was really sick.

CALAVERA NURSE: Aqui esta, en el Emergency. I don't think he's gonna make it this time.

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Bah. Siempre dices eso; but the old man ya me canso. Casimiro needs to take four bodies to Mictlan. Aqui estan tres; Don Prisciliano will be the fourth one.

CALAVERA NURSE: But, Mictlantecuhtli, he's not dead!

MICTLANTECUHTLI: Not yet, pero he will be. This time, Don Prisciliano, ready or not, I'm taking you with me!

Lights go clown.