We Lost It at the Movies: (with a special appearance by Rock Hudson).

Reyes, Guillermo

SCENE 2

NORMA and ROSALINDA shuck corn as they might have done twenty years earlier, but this time, it's clear ROSALINDA is overdressed, prosperous, and unhappy. ARMANDO'S back in his space.

NORMA: You have this young husband and yet you won't take advantage of him.

ROSALINDA: What goes on between two people is private.

ARMANDO: I undress myself in front of her every day.

ROSALINDA: That man's an exhibitionist.

ARMANDO: I love watching her reaction.

NORMA: You guys finally did it, didn't you?

ROSALINDA: Look--

NORMA: Right after the INS interview, the two of you went off somewhere--

ROSALINDA: To a movie, On Golden Pond.

NORMA: Don't change the subject. What's he like, you know ...?

ARMANDO: I'm a real man down there.

ROSALINDA: Don't be ridiculous. What did you think about Katherine Hepburn, huh?

NORMA: Send the bitch to a nursing home! What do I care?

ROSALINDA: She gets to win a fourth Oscar after all these years.

NORMA: I don't care. And stop keeping secrets.

ROSALINDA: It's a world of dangerous enemies. I learned it from the movies.

NORMA: You learned it from Ronald Reagan, and he's paranoid.

ARMANDO: I want my wife and she wants me. Why should we hate each other over that?

NORMA: Why are we doing this? I don't even like corn.

ROSALINDA: I want to cook today, that's all, for my little Memo.

ARMANDO: Everything's for her little Memo!

NORMA: He's going to San Diego--you need time alone with your husband.

ROSALINDA: He's got his whores. Let them cook for him.

NORMA: You're jealous.

ROSALINDA: I said I--

NORMA: Let me give you some advi--

ROSALINDA: Shut up, Norma! Don't ridicule me! I know what I feel! I know what I want and don't want!

NORMA: But you've been denying yourself--

ROSALINDA: I deny him!

ARMANDO: Passion ferments in the blood like booze itself, and it spreads through all our organs until too much of it kills you. Our love is an indulgence.

NORMA: The man actually loves you.

ROSALINDA: Don't be absurd.

NORMA: It's his one redeeming quality.

ARMANDO: Save me from this love, but don't leave me completely without it.

NORMA: He has found you, the most difficult woman ever, and he's willing to put up a good fight for you. He's dying to earn your respect but--like most men--he only knows how to make you jealous. Look, I give you permission to enjoy your husband.

ARMANDO: I want my seed swimming inside her.

ROSALINDA: We'll get divorced and that'll be the end of it. I get to keep the home, of course. That's part of the prenup along with other stipulations.

NORMA: What else is in that stupid prenup?

ROSALINDA: It's not for me, mind you; it's all for my son.

ARMANDO: What about our children?

NORMA: This marriage is for you, too!

ROSALINDA: What does--?

NORMA: Make love to him!

ARMANDO: Make love to me! Somebody!

ROSALINDA: Enough!

NORMA: Touch your husband, kiss him all over, luck his brains out!

ARMANDO: Fuck my brains out!

ROSALINDA: Norma! Please! Oh, oh, oh!

ROSALINDA runs inside crying,

NORMA: OK. Just kiss him. Lightly. On the lips. Rosalinda? Don't be like this. Bitch!

ARMANDO: Bitch! If I can't get a woman tonight, I'll go fuck a fairy!

Exits. MEMO walks in, in a rush.

MEMO: Hi.

NORMA: I thought you'd gone to San Diego.

MEMO: On my way. I had to go buy some camping equipment. I'm getting my camera, then gotta go pick up some friends--

NORMA: How nice. A girlfriend?

MEMO: More than one.

NORMA: Like father like son?

MEMO: No, nothing like that. I mean--we're all colleagues--

NORMA: No need to explain to an old lady. Give me details later after it happens. That's how I like my gossip.

MEMO: OK. Where's Mom?

NORMA: In there, feeling sorry for herself.

MEMO: Sounds like Mom, Well, I hope she'll be all right--

NORMA: You go and do what you do best.

MEMO: I'll get to interview a bunch of border patrolmen and women, and a coyote--

NORMA: A what?

MEMO: They're the ones who smuggle people.

NORMA: Oh. See how little I know, such a pea brain!

MEMO: You know, you haven't answered my call for an interview.

NORMA: Me? I'm just a simple woman.

MEMO: You're not the quiet type, Norma.

NORMA: Nothing I say matters, really. I just come by and listen to your mother, that's my purpose in life.

MEMO: False modesty, Norma.

NORMA: No, I'm glad to be her friend. She doesn't have many, you realize.

She turns people off, the poor thing. You're her only real purpose in life, you know.

MEMO: Well, she's a married woman now.

NORMA: Well, she seriously needs to screw her husband.

MEMO: (Laughing.) Ah, Norma, we can always count on you to put things in perspective. That's why you owe my camera some face-to-face.

NORMA: Look, I'm shy, dammit!

MEMO: I doubt that somehow.

NORMA: All right, then I'm afraid of being in front of a camera.

MEMO: You'll get over it very quickly.

NORMA: But I haven't done anything special.

MEMO: Don't buy into that big Hollywood lie that only pretty people matter.

NORMA: Are you calling me ugly?

MEMO: No, I'm saying most of us are not movie stars and we have stories worth telling anyway.

NORMA: I even immigrated legally! No crossing the desert in the middle of the summer, no dangerous fights with smugglers and drug dealing. How boring does an immigrant get?

MEMO: I think you're quite amusing, Norma.

NORMA: I should not be seen on the big screen.

MEMO: All right, fine, I'm outa here! And tell me why she won't let me drive that Mercedes.

NORMA: Mother knows best.

MEMO: I certainly hope so. What a family!

He exits.

NORMA: All right, are you coming out here? I'm gonna stay out here until you come to your senses! (Beat.) Hey, Rock Hudson? You really talk to her?

Rock? I'll talk to you. Rock? Rock? (No answer from Rock.) Well, the hell with you, maricon!

Lights out.

SCENE 3

Later that night, 1:00 a.m. ARMANDO is sleeping on the couch. MEMO sneaks in again, and on his way out is carrying a big box. ARMANDO catches him.

ARMANDO: Hey, where are you going?

MEMO: Ah ... just to San Diego.

ARMANDO: I thought you already left for San--what's in those boxes?

MEMO: None of your business. Where's Mom?

ARMANDO: Locked in her room, talking to Cary Grant.

MEMO: No, Rock Hudson.

ARMANDO: Whatever. Are you--are you moving out?

MEMO: Ah, what?

ARMANDO: And you weren't going to tell us, were you?

MEMO: I'm a grown-up, you know.

ARMANDO: Then announce it; be a man about it.

MEMO: That's hard.

ARMANDO: Being a man?

MEMO: No, announcing things to Mother. Look, I'll still be in town, closer to the beach. San Diego was just an excuse.

ARMANDO: But why are you--?

MEMO: I don't want to live among immigrants anymore!

ARMANDO: What about the documentary?

MEMO: You encouraged me to do something commercial. I'm going for teenage mutants and lots of chases with flying saucers.

ARMANDO: You need money?

MEMO: Yes, but not from you.

ARMANDO: You need it. Take my money.

MEMO: Look, I know you're deluded enough to think this might be a real marriage, but I'm not your stepson. You don't have to feel obliged to give me anything, certainly not fatherly affection, yuck!

ARMANDO: But I want to help.

MEMO: Just ... just be kind to my mother.

ARMANDO: I'm trying!

MEMO: Be patient. I suspect that deep down inside she likes something about you, something deeper than sex.

ARMANDO: I'm not just about sex, you know. God knows I can be, but with her ... how would you like a little sister?

MEMO: They've made great advances in artificial insemination.

ARMANDO: No! I mean it, Memo, I want you to have brothers and sisters--

MEMO: We're in the plurals now?

ARMANDO: Help me reach her ... I think I love her.

MEMO: I'll let the two of you play out your Spanish soap opera. I'm going prime time, baby. Great things are in store for me, just not here.

ARMANDO: I'll miss you.

MEMO: Don't say that.

ARMANDO: I'm your stepfather whether you like it or not! I have feelings! I'm not cold like you Hollywood people! I think of you as my son.

MEMO: This isn't the family life I envisioned for myself when I saw Life with Father starring William Powell! And please, just for Mother's sake, stay away from drugs and from the dangerous people who sell them.

ARMANDO: That's just an occasional thing. Please, just take my money.

MEMO: Oh, all right. Goodbye, stepdaddy. I'm sorry. (Exits.)

ARMANDO: Goodbye, son. (Beat.) Rosalinda, come on out here! Be my wife! That's it, I'm outa here. I'll do a three-way, a multiple-way with blonde Russian Jews on coke, all in one bed, one big luck-lest for me, you hear, all for me, because I don't spend time alone. Unlike you, I refuse to be alone!

He exits.

SCENE 4

Three days later, around 11:00 p.m. ROSALINDA paces around the room by herself. She picks up the phone and dials.

ROSALINDA: Hello ... pick up, pick up, pick up. Hello--You said you were coming back to pick up what's left of your things, Armando. That was three days ago. If you don't come by midnight, I'll throw them out the window. They'll be lying on the curbside and the bums in the street will get them, including your tank top, which you shouldn't wear in public anymore. You're getting pudgy; the love handles are beginning to show! It's 11:02 right now. You've got 58 long minutes and ...

She hangs up and looks desperate. She pours herself some wine.

ROSALINDA: OK, fifty-seven minutes now. And then it's over. Over.

We hear a man's voice.

VOICE: Hello out there ...

ROSALINDA: Armando?

Enter ROCK HUDSON.

ROCK: No, Doris, it is I.

ROSALINDA: Doris? No, I'm Rosalinda, remember?

ROCK: Oh, yes, the lady from Santiago.

ROSALINDA: No longer in Santiago. I'm right down the hill from where you live, but no, I get no visits.

ROCK: I'm here now; talk to me. Oh, and let me--of course--kiss that hand, I know how much you appreciate that, sweet, sweet lady. What are you thinking?

ROSALINDA: Frankly, I wasn't thinking about you, Rock, I'm sorry, not today anyway.

ROCK: My heart is broken.

ROSALINDA: Don't be silly.

ROCK: Have I lost the touch, the flair? The savoir faire? I was just a simple high school football player from Winnetka, Illinois. Gallant manners came later, part of the process of refinement. I've learned to sell this illusion of Rock Hudson. My real name was--

ROSALINDA: I don't want to know. Keep the illusion. I have other things to think about tonight.

ROCK: What's on your mind, then? How could it have strayed away from me?

ROSALINDA: How could I tell people what I really feel?

ROCK: You don't--I mean if you're not comfortable. Hide, if you must. It works for me.

ROSALINDA: But that's a double life.

ROCK: You can live with it and still thrive, and at the end of the day, at the end of the road, let them figure out what it all means. You gave it your best shot. You provided them with a certain veneer, a certain flair, something they liked to watch, but that's all you owe them. In your privacy, however, you must still strive for some form of truth.

ROSALINDA: Truth, yet hidden from view. That means I will never express what I feel, not to him.

ROCK: Then tell me.

ROSALINDA: Why should my feelings matter to you?

ROCK: I know, I'm a megastar, aren't I? Just try me.

ROSALINDA: He's my husband. Am I supposed to feel something for him?

ROCK: Some women actually love their husbands. I've met one or two. Is it the passion? The sex?

ROSALINDA: Sometimes I wish I could just tell him, "Fuck me and go home."

ROCK: Rosalinda! That's not very romantic.

ROSALINDA: No. And he lives right here, so I can't send him "home." But I'm having him move out, maybe then we'll finally have a sex life; separation worked for Kate Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. With some men, you have to use up their manly energy and then kick them out of bed.

ROCK: (Sighing.) I know the feeling.

ROSALINDA: Know what?

ROCK: I could never master the trick myself. Maybe I don't have the answers for you. I should leave now.

ROSALINDA: Wait.

ROCK: I mean it, Rosalinda. I've begun to feel some distance ...

ROSALINDA: Why?

ROCK: A man has finally come between us.

ROSALINDA: You think so?

ROCK: And I'm happy for you; I just wish you owned up to your feelings. It's all right to feel passion for a man even if he's not a 100 percent right for you, even if he's a bit of a bad boy. We're all sinners. So, my dear ... you won't be seeing me again.

ROSALINDA: What?

ROCK: My time is running out, in many more ways than one.

ROSALINDA: Why do you say that?

ROCK: I haven't been feeling like myself recently-ROSALINDA: No, let that boy from Winnetka, Illinois, fade away to age and illness. But Rock Hudson will always remain that beautiful gentleman who inspired me to dream in a shabby, rundown theater in Santiago.

ROCK: I'll remember that. There's no one else like you--you, my biggest fan.

ROSALINDA: (As he retreats.) Rock? Rock?

The phone rings with a deafening sound. Lights change. Rock exits. ROSALINDA reaches for it.

ROSALINDA: Hello ... Memo, darling ... it's OK. Yes. I'll be OK by myself. You enjoy that party, go out with your friends and be young. Watch the drinking, though. No, he was supposed to come by, and he hasn't, you know, not yet. Listen, I'm sorry to keep you, I needed to tell you ... What you should know is ... there are moments. Yes, moments when I can think beyond Armando's tricks, and I can think of him differently ... Not that I forgive what he does! The way he exploits immigrants, his own kind!--But honestly now, sometimes, I feel that, yes, I am his wife--I can have feelings for such a man, and they're not innocent little feelings. I have managed to marry a man I actually feel something for! Marriage wasn't supposed to be like this! This much emotion, this much unsettling lust for his passion and his body, and, yes, I am going to say it finally, if he ever gets here tonight. I am his wife, and the feds can rest assured, our marriage is not a lie! My entire life is not a lie! I lust after him! Does that mean I love him, too? Honey? Honey, wake up! No, I was just saying, never mind, such silly things I say! Yes, you've had a bit too many, I'm glad you're not driving. Just stay there at your friend's and take care of yourself ... No, I was just babbling on like a fool--I've gotta go. Bye, bye, baby.

She hangs up, looking relieved somehow. She goes to get another bottle of wine. She lights candles. She straightens her hair. She hears a noise. There's a knock. She approaches the door.

ROSALINDA: Armando? Did you lose your key?

POLICEMAN'S VOICE: Ma'am ... are you the wife ...?

ROSALINDA: Yes, officer, I am the wife around here.

POLICEMAN'S VOICE: Well, ma'am. It's about your husband.

Lights down on main stage. Lights on ARMANDO'S space as we proceed to a transition.

He exits. Lights down.

In the transition, the women change quickly to black clothing. Organ sounds, funerary music is heard.

SCENE 5

A few days later in the living room.

NORMA: Missing with Jack Lemmon is coming out, and it'll finally tell the story of what happened back in Chile, but the State Department's threatening to sue the filmmaker.

ROSALINDA: It's probably Marxist propaganda anyway.

NORMA: The truth hurts.

ROSLINDA: Hollywood people! I'd rather go see Julie Andrews play a drag queen anyway.

NORMA: You won't like it. Gender bending, you don't really approve of that.

ROSALINDA: I had a good talk with Rock. I'm a little more tolerant now.

MEMO enters.

MEMO: All right, I took care of it.

ROSALINDA: I don't really approve of cremation, but--

MEMO: It's the only way you'll be able to take the ashes back to Chile.

NORMA: But we're traditional about that, you know, the need to see the body--

MEMO: No, the cops warned us that we shouldn't see the body. Bad shape.

ROSALINDA: Fine! Look, I got a call. Some family member's flying in today.

MEMO: Who?

ROSALINDA: Ah--a cousin or something. She'll take the ashes back to Chile.

NORMA: But don't you think you should do that?

ROSALINDA: It's best that we put this entire episode behind us. Let his "cousin" or whatever she is take care of it.

MEMO: You're holding up well.

ROSLINDA: That's what I do always. I hold up well.

MEMO: Could we talk?

ROSALINDA: Anything, darling. What's on your mind?

MEMO: We need to make some decisions.

ROSALINDA: I trust you to make the right ones.

MEMO: No, you don't. You know quite well you're way too opinionated, so let's get it done now, shall we? I'd like to sell the Mercedes.

ROSALINDA: If it makes you happy.

MEMO: That's what I mean. What do you really think, Mother? Please just get to it.

NORMA: You should sell it and buy something less flashy.

ROSALINDA: Keep it, then!

MEMO: He was killed in that car, Mother, and you didn't want to drive it to begin with.

ROSALINDA: You should use it.

MEMO: Why?

ROSALINDA: To drive to business meetings, for instance.

MEMO: Mother ...

NORMA: That car is cursed. I wouldn't want my son--

ROSALINDA: The Mercedes will help you get a look, or get a job at least. A real job.

NORMA: I don't see how you could avoid seeing this dead man's face everywhere you go with that thing.

MEMO: We'll trade it in for a pickup truck or something.

ROSALINDA: My son is not a pickup-truck-type of guy.

MEMO: Well, it could hold film equipment--see? That's practical. Which brings us to the actual business.

ROSALINDA: You'll run Armando's business, of course.

MEMO: I'm a filmmaker, Mother. I don't want to run a cleaning service.

NORMA: He's right. I don't see him running a business like that.

ROSALINDA: I was hoping you'd be man enough to do it by yourself.

MEMO: See that, Norma? My manhood is being questioned now!

ROSALINDA: If that's what it takes to make you think seriously about your future!

Norma: Rosalinda, shut the fuck up. Just sell the business. Money was Armando's downfall.

ROSALINDA: Money makes film school possible.

MEMO: Money had him killed.

ROSALINDA: No, hoodlums killed him!

MEMO: Those stupid teenagers wouldn't have beaten his brains out if they hadn't wanted the car and what it represented.

NORMA: They just needed a car to flee from their crimes.

MEMO: They targeted him. It was a hate crime.

ROSALINDA: A murder is always a hate crime!

MEMO: No, they saw success and they also saw an immigrant, and they wondered, how does some foreigner get more money than we do?

ROSALINDA: If you're not going to take responsibility, then I will.

MEMO: There we got We finally get to the point where we should have started this talk to begin with.

ROSALINDA: And you will be there for the ride because you won't stop taking my money like a true hippie. Nancy Reagan has the same problem with her children.

MEMO: Then I will have to make it without you, Mother.

ROSALINDA: I'd like to see that.

MEMO: Not everyone wants to sell themselves, Mother!

ROSALINDA slaps him.

NORMA: That's enough. Memo, you should never speak to your mother that way, even if she's wrong most of the time.

ROSALINDA: (To MEMO.) I married a man for you!

MEMO: I didn't ask you to!

NORMA: You had feelings for him, Rosalinda, admit it!

ROSALINDA picks up her handbag and car keys.

NORMA: OK. Where are you going?

ROSALINDA: Julie Andrews stars in Victor/Victoria, and I'm not about to miss that.

She starts to walk out, leaving NORMA and MEMO looking on, aghast.

ROSALINDA stops. By the door stands HELENA, a woman in her early thirties.

HELENA: Hello ... is this ...?

ROSALINDA: Yes, it is.

NORMA: You're from Chile?

HELENA: Yes. You can tell?

NORMA: That scarf--I bought one of those in Santiago. At the Plaza de Armas.

HELENA: That's right.

MEMO: You must be Armando's relative.

HELENA: Ah, yes. May I?

ROSALINDA: Come on in, please. Sit down. Make room, Memo.

HELENA: Which one of you is la Senora Rosalinda?

NORMA: Coffee?

HELENA: Yes, thank you.

ROSALINDA: I'm Rosalinda. Nice to meet you.

HELENA: If you were on your way out--?

ROSALINDA: It's all right. I wanted to avoid these two, but I can't. Story of my life. Try to ignore them; they're irrelevant.

NORMA: You're cruel and pathetic.

MEMO: But we love you anyway!

ROSALINDA: Shut up, both of you! (Smiles at HELENA.) So ...

HELENA: Well ... it's a nice home. But so much of this city looks incredible ... I am overwhelmed.

MEMO: When did you fly in?

HELENA: Last night. I'm staying with friends in the San Francisco Valley.

ROSALINDA: San Fernando. We live in the San Fernando Valley, too, right here. This area's called North Hollywood.

HELENA: Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

NORMA: First time?

HELENA: First time outside of Chile altogether. If I could stay, I would.

ROSALINDA: Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

HELENA: Sorry.

ROSALINDA: Tomorrow's the ceremony, and you're invited, of course.

HELENA: Will there be a viewing?

ROSALINDA: No, he's being cremated.

HELENA: Oh. I see. Well, we should talk alone.

NORMA: Why?

HELENA: (To ROSALINDA.) I mean ... it's between you and me, isn't it?

NORMA: Didn't you just come here to pick up the ashes?

HELENA: I didn't even know about any ashes, but I can if you want me to.

MEMO: Aren't you a cousin?

HELENA: No. I'm Armando's wife. (Pause.) Didn't you know?

MEMO: No.

NORMA: Fuck, no!

ROSALINDA: I did.

MEMO: Mother!

NORMA: You didn't say anything, Rosali--

ROSALINDA: I know.

HELENA: So ... can't we talk alone?

ROSALINDA: Like I said, it's hard to get rid of these two peasants. Ignore them, go on.

HELENA: I don't know all the laws in this country, but I am entitled to some ... compensation. I have our marriage certificate.

MEMO: Damn, that would mean that ...

NORMA: How can some marriage certificate from a faraway country count for anything here?

HELENA: I am a little lost just by walking the streets ... but my cousin ... he had me talk to a lawyer in Chile, one of those who volunteers for the poor.

ROSALINDA: How quaint!

HELENA: He helped collect the money for me to buy a ticket to fly out here. He said there's no bigamy law in the U.S., and that the first marriage is the only valid one.

ROSALINDA: Really? Is that so?

HELENA: Well, yes. And the coffee's cold! But ... I have a son by him, twelve years old. Armando owes us support. My friends here in L.A. are telling me I should get an American lawyer who knows the law in California and I told them I don't want to do that.

ROSALINDA: You don't?

HELENA: Yours is a marriage, too, and I'm sure you--you loved him, and it's not your fault he lied to you. My friends say we could claim your marriage to him was false, that he married you for papers. I mean, you're an older woman--it's what they said. I mean, they said I could make a claim that his entire property belongs to me, his first and real wife. I really hope we don't have to go through all that, but it's important that we talk this out, you know.

MEMO: The marriage certificate looks real enough.

NORMA: We're fucked.

HELENA: I'm sorry--

ROSALINDA: Don't worry so much about us, Helena. We won't have to go through all that.

HELENA: Really?

ROSALINDA: Yes, because I have a lawyer who does not volunteer for the poor. He gets paid, big time.

Memo: Mother, could we not--?

ROSALINDA: Please, I'm prepared.

HELENA: Good, then we can talk.

ROSALINDA: First of all, I got the truth out of him very early on in this marriage. I needed to know everything, and I needed to know what on earth could possibly affect my well-being and that of my son. HELENA: And I'm doing the same with mine, that's all.

ROSALINDA: Except you left a few details unfinished.

HELENA: Excuse me?

ROSALINDA: A few letters carelessly sent to the wrong people.

HELENA: I don't understand.

ROSALINDA: Armando knew you'd come sooner or later. You met him when he'd just left the monastery. He was in need of women, and you were clearly the most insistent one, the one who got pregnant. He went ahead and married you, still enough of a Catholic boy to trade celibacy for monogamy. He, however, found copies of your love letters written to several other boyfriends. And their replies. You had a penchant for repressed celibate boys from fairly well-off backgrounds.

HELENA: Wait a second. Armando was my husband, and he abandoned us. I'm the victim here.

ROSALINDA: He felt betrayed, of course, because when he read your letters, he didn't believe any longer he'd left you pregnant.

HELENA: Why, he never mentioned--

ROSALINDA: The dates coincide with your pregnancy. Any of these other men could have knocked you up. My goodness, so many lovers. How greedy! He made copies of these letters as evidence. He thought it best to leave the country as soon as he could, and he did. It took you years to track him down to L.A. He knew you'd want to.

HELENA: I admit I was born poor and that I needed a man to take care of me at the time.

ROSALINDA: You don't deny having other boyfriends.

HELENA: Armando reserved the right to have all the women he wanted, but a woman is suddenly a whore--

ROSALINDA: You said it!

HELENA: He was not faithful to me, either! I can prove that, too. And what about you, Rosalinda?

ROSALINDA: What about me, dear?

HELENA: My friends tell me that he rented an apartment and that he stayed there most of the time--

ROSALINDA: He had mistresses; I don't deny that. But the will was specifically drawn up to benefit me. I made certain of it.

HELENA: I'm sorry, but my friends even doubt your marriage was even consummated.

ROSALINDA: And how will you prove that?

HELENA: He liked young women, young! Especially Russian girls from the Fairmont District,

ROSALINDA: Fairfax!

HELENA: Fine, Fairfax! He told them you were planning to divorce as soon the papers came through. This is what I've found out, and I am his wife. I have the truth on my side. I think you are false and you've cheated the United States of America with a phony marriage. I'm sure the government won't take kindly to that when they consider how to split up the property.

ROSALINDA: You might be entitled to one thing.

HELENA: I'm not making any deals with you, I'm just here to--.

ROSALINDA: I recognize the power of a marriage certificate, if only for sentimental reasons. I know what it might mean to you and to your son. I also know all about poor people. They have a thing about other people's money; they ask for it all the time-HELENA: When we're entitled to it!

ROSALINDA: I don't blame you for trying, dear. So tell you what, I'm willing to let go of that Mercedes Benz.

MEMO: Mother--

ROSALINDA: Take it! You could sell it, do with it what you will. It's more than you'll get, really. And I'll get the satisfaction of knowing you'll be taking care of his son, if by any chance he is his son.

HELENA: I don't think you have the upper hand here. I can prove that son is his.

ROSALINDA: We're even, then. A paternity test can be run on mine.

HELENA: (Meaning MEMO.) He's a stepson.

ROSALINDA: Not him ... I'm carrying his latest child.

NORMA AND MEMO: What?

HELENA: Even they're surprised.

ROSALINDA: It's news to me, too ... I'm pregnant.

NORMA: No shift

ROSALINDA: He did want me after all. I also have a copy of the will that leaves everything to me--well, except for a part of the life insurance generously left to his stepson.

MEMO: Righteous.

ROSALINDA: Armando was entitled to leave his property to whomever he wanted. You can, of course, go through years of litigation, which will be very costly, definitely more expensive than the Mercedes Benz I'm willing to endow to you, as a parting gift. It's my one and only offer. What's it going to be?

HELENA: What? I ... I ...

ROSALINDA: Say it!

HELENA: I ... I'll take cash!

ROSALINDA: Good choice!

HELENA: I wouldn't know how to sell a car around here, it's so frightful this city, this country--

ROSALINDA: Oh, yes, be afraid of me!

HELENA: My mother put me up to this, really, I just--

ROSALINDA: The car was worth $10,000.

HELENA: How much is that in--

ROSALINDA: That's plenty of money for a peasant like you, a small fortune really. Don't even think about getting more.

HELENA: Just put what you think is fair in an envelope--and, and I'm not a puss--peasant! I live in Santiago, and my priest is teaching me about the Vatican and Michelangelo, real high-class stuff. These earrings were gifts from a French hypnotist. He goes around the world hypnotizing women--not just women, of course, but the public, and he taught me about the world, and the only reason he left me is because his work requires travel, but thanks to him and my wonderful priest, I learned to read, and I now enjoy translations of Agatha Christie and Jacqueline Susann. I've got culture in me, and--oh, forget it! You're all a bunch of Hollywood help! That's what you are! (She exits, crying.)

NORMA: Rosalinda ... that was so ...

MEMO: So Joan Crawford.

ROSALINDA: Well, I didn't lie. Armando was my husband. That I allowed him to come near me ... once! (to NORMA) yes, after the INS interview, Miss Busybody, that was my prerogative. Well, forget Victor/Victoria, I'm in the mood for Scarface.

Lights down.

Transition to the ceremony. ROSALINDA picks up the urn, touches it, and then hands it over to HELENA--along with an envelope full of cash.

HELENA exits with them.

ARMANDO is back in his space. ROSALINDA joins him in a hotel bar in the afternoon. MEMO as NARRATOR reveals to the audience:

MEMO: The viewer will forgive a much delayed scene. A few months earlier.

ARMANDO: Sit down, we're having a drink.

ROSALINDA: I just want to go home and watch The Thorn Birds.

ARMANDO: We're celebrating. Tequila shots! Double!

ROSALINDA: You got your papers; aren't you satisfied?

ARMANDO: Yes, I always get what I want! And it's not the only thing I want.

ROSALINDA: I'm warning you! I am Catholic and I--

ARMANDO: Drink up.

ROSALINDA: I don't dare "imbibe" in the middle of the afternoon.

ARMANDO: This hotel's got a great bar, don't you think?

ROSALINDA: No, we'll save money for Memo's film supplies. And I usually make dinner for him on Tuesday nights. He likes grilled salmon with baked potatoes (as ARMANDO touches her somewhere intimate), you know these baby potatoes--

ARMANDO: Let the brat get takeout, sweetheart.

ROSALINDA: Oh! Why? Why are you doing this?

ARMANDO: Because I want to work your body over, something I learned after the monastery, the female orgasm, man, what a discovery! You're America and I'm Columbus, exploring your continental ridge, learning how it functions, stimulating it, making it explode. Implode! I'm at the service of your clit.

ROSALINDA: OK, thank you.

ARMANDO: Save your thanks for the aftermath.

ROSALINDA: For once in your life, a woman will walk away now. The answer, Armando, is ... (She downs her shot and there's a second of hesitation, in which the answer could easily be yes; instead she says) No! Come pick up your things and go. You're out of my life!

ARMANDO: Rosalinda ...

ROSALINDA: NO! NO! NO!

MEMO/NARRATOR: They checked into the hotel a few seconds later.

Montage of some 80s films, starting with Scarface, Victor/Victoria, Missing, Tootsie, Yentl, Black Widow, and, of course, Mommie Dearest with its classic line, "Don't luck with me, fellas." There's also Gena Rowlands protecting a boy in the original Gloria, and Sigourney Weaver protecting a little girl from the monster mother in Alien. In the background, a child is born. We see a silhouette of DOCTOR and NURSE birthing a child, handing him over to MOTHER.

SCENE 6

VLADIMIR enters composing one of his letters. In the background, PROTESTERS, played by the ENSEMBLE, carry anti-Pinochet placards.

VLADIMIR: Dear Rosalinda: I own ten liquor stores throughout Santiago. As you can imagine, my time is all consumed by business. My wife spends hers protesting against the dictator. Pinochet's secret police have come into our house looking for evidence of "terrorist activities." I have to tell them I'm a respected businessman; we're not terrorists just because my wife campaigns for human rights. A couple of kickbacks and I take care of them. We've been lucky, really. Activists have disappeared, their bodies found by the road, throats slit. Some bodies are never found at all. Still, I have managed to keep it together for the sake of the kids. I've heard your son is making movies ... somehow, that seems to make sense. I've always felt that I lost you, Rosalinda, at the movies and maybe to the movies.

SCENE 7

At a restaurant in Santa Monica, overlooking the beach. MEMO is doing lunch with a Hollywood woman. ROSALINDA enters.

MEMO: You came!

WOMAN: So this is your mom. !Mucho gusto!

ROSALINDA: (Not in the mood.) I speak English.

WOMAN: Ah, OK. I was just leaving.

MEMO: You don't have to--

WOMAN: It's OK. I've got a full day ahead--

MEMO: Mary Ann works for ICM.

WOMAN: An agent in training, but that's just a formality, really. (To MEMO.) Anyway, Phil wants us by the dock at 7 sharp--drinks and appetizers on the boat--oh, and one of Sophia Loren's hunky sons is joining us. We'll go off to Catalina Island, to Avalon, I think--

MEMO: Cool, that's hot.

WOMAN: Uh-huh--and then we'll have a lobster dinner, and more drinks and stimulating conversation till late night. Wear something stylish, if you don't mind, but coastal and comfy. Anyway, so nice to meet you, Mrs., ah--

ROSALINDA: Rosalinda.

WOMAN: Yes, Rosalinda. You have quite a talented son there. (To MEMO.) And we'd really like that rewrite by next week, if you don't mind.

MEMO: I'll send my courier.

WOMAN: Fabulous. Bye. (Exits.)

ROSALINDA: (Mocking him.) "Cool, that's hot?" "I'll send my courier?"

MEMO: You have to learn the lingo, Mother.

ROSALINDA: Shouldn't you be shopping in Beverly Hills for something more "coastal and comfy"?

MEMO: After lunch, you can come with. Anyway, you should try the crab cakes here, and the mimosa comes in a birdbath.

ROSALINDA: Is this why you brought me out here? To show off the mimosa?

MEMO: No, I just haven't seen you recently, Mommie dearest.

ROSALINDA: Your stepfather left you money for you to use wisely--

MEMO: I'm trying to network--

ROSALINDA: To party! To waste money on expensive clothes and--

MEMO: To meet people in this business.

ROSALINDA: And to drink from birdbaths, apparently? Drugs maybe?

MEMO: No! No drugs!

ROSALINDA: What ever happened to the documentary?

MEMO: It hasn't gone anywhere, obviously.

ROSALINDA: I'm the one who made Armando name you as one of the beneficiaries for the life insurance.

MEMO: Who's sorry now, baby cakes?

ROSALINDA: I didn't think he'd die this young.

MEMO: Besides, he's the one who encouraged me to work on a more commercial type of film--action, chase, criminals fleeing from the law, with helicopters filming the escape.

ROSALINDA: But what about the documentary?

MEMO: You never liked my docum--

ROSALINDA: No, but it was more you, idealistic and hopeless. I don't like this new commercial Memo. Even your clothes are all wrong. You were more like a bohemian, a hippie--

MEMO: And you don't like those kinds of people.

ROSALINDA: No, but it was you, my son. I could get used to the idea that your ambitions were limited, independent, not likely to go anywhere.

MEMO: But thanks to this money, I can work on improving myself. For instance, I hired a professional screenwriter to polish the dialogue in my action-chase adventure screenplay.

ROSALINDA: Use the money to finish the documentary!

MEMO: Mother, it's already been rejected at Sundance and everywhere else I've sent it to, no matter who I've slept with!

ROSALINDA: You mean you're not "innocent" any longer? Oh!

MEMO: You're not going to cry about that, are you?

ROSALINDA: Yes, I am.

MEMO: Mother, I'm a grown-up.

ROSALINDA: I know that! I just always saw you as this nice, asexual type of boy.

MEMO: I desperately need to work on my image.

ROSALINDA: What can I do to--?

MEMO: To do what? Restore my virginity?

ROSALINDA: No. I mean about the documentary, Sundance-MEMO: Nothing! You can't be involved! You need to let me do things my way, and if I make mistakes, then they're my own, not yours. You have Armando's son to spoil now, and you were left fairly well off thanks to the excellent job you did impersonating Attila the Hun. You own your day care center now like you always wanted. We're all doing quite well, thanks to you, so let's just leave it at that, Mother, please. You really have done enough. Really!

ROSALINDA: I am losing you.

MEMO: Mother ... it's normal for a twenty-three-year-old to be on his own.

ROSALINDA: After you finish this action chase thing, whatever it is, promise me you'll try again to finish the documentary.

MEMO: I can't promise that.

ROSALINDA: Look, Memo! Get debauchery out of your system, even if it breaks my heart to think of you as a sexually active person, but that's my problem, not yours! Meanwhile, you were meant to chronicle the lives of the immigrants! Somebody's got to do it! Fuck action-adventure! Fuck the entire system of Hollywood trash scumbag cinema, and take your work seriously for once because that's what my son was meant to do! (Shocked at her own language, she runs off.) Oh! Such language! I'm not myself any longer, not myself at all, damn it! (Exits.)

MEMO: Well ... thank you for sharing!

Lights down.

SCENE 8

At the home in North Hollywood. NORMA and ROSALINDA are shucking corn as they might have done years earlier.

NORMA: I'm dying.

ROSALINDA: You've been saying that since you turned fifty.

NORMA: Too many aches all over.

ROSALINDA: Go to the doctor and stop talking about it.

NORMA: I don't go to doctors. I don't believe in them. I want you to take me back to Chile and spread my ashes all over the Pacific.

ROSALINDA: I saw Debbie Reynolds on TV--

NORMA: So?

ROSALINDA: She's who-knows-how-old, and she's still doing shows in Las Vegas.

What does she know that you don't?

NORMA: Both my parents died of cancer in their fifties. The curse is on me.

ROSALINDA: First, let's go to Las Vegas and see Debbie Reynolds before you die.

NORMA: OK, let's.

ROSALINDA: That was easy.

NORMA: In exchange, there's Vladimir.

ROSALINDA: Vladimir?

NORMA: His wife left him.

ROSALINDA: This is why you're dying, Norma, so that I can go back to Chile to see your brother again? Vladimir with a pot belly?

NORMA: Not true, he still plays soccer. He's in shape.

ROSALINDA: I don't live in the past.

NORMA: You're still watching The Sound of Music. Let's just go see Fatal Attraction again.

ROSALINDA: Once was enough! That movie's an insult to all the women who've ever been in love with married men. I gave birth to my son without having to harass the father. That man died, by the way--

NORMA: He did?

ROSALINDA: Yeah, so did the black janitor in Maryland.

NORMA: And Armando. You're a black widow.

ROSALINDA: No, a femme fatale. And then there's Rock Hudson.

NORMA: He wasn't a real man.

ROSALINDA: That's rude!

NORMA: I don't mean because he was, you know, but because he was a fantasy.

ROSALINDA: I met him once.

NORMA: In your dreams!

ROSALINDA: Briefly, but I did. The agency sent me to interview with him and I told him I was the best nanny ever. It turned out he didn't have any children.

NORMA: Duh!

ROSALINDA: I didn't know. I didn't realize. It explained a lot of things. He only needed maids, and as you know--

NORMA: I know.

ROSALINDA: He wasn't looking very good. And only a few months later, I heard it on the news.

ROCK enters.

ROCK: I want to thank the American people for all their support. I, of course, cannot rejoice at the news that I have AIDS, but if it helps the public become aware of this disease, then I am glad I've told the truth about it. I've had a good life, a great career, and great friends who've been by my side, like Doris and Liz, and my only regret is that I won't see any more of them in this life. Otherwise, no regrets. (Exits.)

NORMA: Imagine, you could have been by his side. He probably could have used someone like you.

ROSALINDA: But like he said, no regrets. I was still his fan till the bitter end.

Goodbye, Rock Hudson.

Lights down.

SCENE 9

NORMA on her deathbed in a hospital, a year or so later. ROSALINDA is by her bedside.

NORMA: You have to go shout at the nurses.

ROSALINDA: Why? What's happening?

NORMA: I don't know. It's something you would do, like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment. "My daughter needs her shot--now!"

ROSALINDA: You've had your shot.

NORMA: I know! But it's something you would do.

ROSALINDA: Well, if I can shout at them for any other reason, I will, OK?

NORMA: OK. You do that. You didn't believe me. I told you I was dying.

ROSALINDA: Well, why should I have believed you? We're still young.

NORMA: Not in my family. This is the lifespan that's normal for us.

ROSALINDA: I know. You rest, OK? Memo called and said he has some surprises.

NORMA: More than one, huh?

ROSALINDA: That's what he said.

MEMO enters.

MEMO: Aunt Norma ... you're looking well today.

NORMA: He calls me "Aunt" Norma now.

ROSALINDA: To me, you're a sister.

NORMA: A sister-in-law, that's what I wanted to be. And no, I'm not looking better, you fool.

MEMO: You're not as pale as you were a few days ago.

NORMA: It's illusion, I'm not doing better; I'm feeling no pain. The medicine is very strong, keeps me from feeling, but at least it doesn't hurt. You have some news, right?

MEMO: Well, Norma, it's not a surprise to you ... but for Mom here ...

ROSALINDA: What?

MEMO: We have a special guest.

VLADIMIR walks in.

VLADIMIR: Hello ...

NORMA: He made it!

ROSALINDA: My God!

NORMA: I told you he still looked good.

VLADIMIR: Norma! I'm glad, Norma, I'm glad you're still, well, here. I didn't know what to expect--

NORMA: I'm not dead yet!

VLADIMIR: Same old Norma. And you, Rosalinda ...

ROSALINDA: Yes, I'm still here. So how did you...?

VLADIMIR: I can afford it now.

NORMA: Things are looking up.

VLADIMIR: Rosalinda ... don't mind Norma.

NORMA: So, while he's in L.A. waiting for me to die, why don't the two of you go to--the movies!

ROSALINDA: Norma!

VLADIMIR: After all these years, Rosalinda, do you still want to go to the movies with me?

ROSALINDA: Well, Baby Boom features Diane Keaton playing a corporate executive who's forced into taking care of a baby.

NORMA: That's nice. A feel-good comedy.

VLADIMIR: Taking care of babies has been good to you, I hear.

MEMO: Well ... I have to go now, but--

NORMA: You said you had another surprise.

MEMO: Is this the right m--?

NORMA: This is the perfect moment and I'm pressed for time! So hurry up!

MEMO: OK. Well, it looks like I got my documentary into Sundance.

ROSALINDA: What? Really?

VLADIMIR: What is that?

NORMA: Sounds great, whatever it is!

MEMO: It's a festival. It's run by Robert Redford.

NORMA: He was so good-looking. I chose him for my night fantasy whenever I needed to finish myself off.

ROSALINDA: Norma!

VLADIMIR: Yes, Norma!

NORMA: What? God gave us hands! My only regret is that I never did an interview.

MEMO: Well, it's not too late. I've got my camera outside and you're looking great. I don't need days, just a couple of hours.

ROSALINDA: That's a great idea.

NORMA: No, I couldn't!

ROSALINDA: Norma, you will finally get your say.

NORMA: I don't know. Movie stars need their makeup artists.

ROSALINDA: I'll do your makeup, don't worry.

NORMA: I must look like shit.

VLADIMIR: Rosalinda will fix you up.

MEMO: So, for real? I get one final shot?

ROSALINDA: He's been re-editing the old interviews forever, even I'm in one of them.

VLADIMIR: You're the star, Rosalinda.

ROSALINDA: Yes, I am.

NORMA: So there's still room for one more? You're serious about this?

MEMO: If you are.

NORMA: All right, but I get to approve the final cut--if God allows, that is.

MEMO: Whatever you want. I'll go get the camera. Thank you, Aunt Norma.

MEMO exits.

ROSALINDA: I don't believe it, Norma. You've made me so happy!

NORMA: Why are you so happy at my deathbed?

ROSALINDA: We get to help the boy. What are you going to say in your interview?

NORMA: Let's see. I'm going to tell the world that I had a friend once--

ROSALINDA: A what?

NORMA: A friend who sacrificed for her son, immigrated for her son, married a man for her son, and worried and worried about him until she even stuck her nose in his business.

ROSALINDA: Stuck her nose?

NORMA: Ah, let's see, she got her friend Dorothea to get in touch with people at that Sun-Dancer thing.

ROSALINDA: Sundance. That was to make sure the right people got to see the documentary, really, just a couple of phone calls.

VLADIMIR: Just don't tell him. A man has his pride.

ROSALINDA: The film made it on its own merits, really. I just thought, use the people you know.

NORMA: The point is now that he's doing well, maybe it's time for my friend to finally get her own life.

ROSALINDA: I have a second child now.

NORMA: Fine! Love your little Tito, but without your usual tricks! You're only in your mid-forties, you own a successful day care center, you can even afford your own nanny now. Enjoy yourself. Besides, Vladimir's here.

ROSALINDA: There was no need to stage this reunion, really.

NORMA: I will say it to the camera. Let this woman take pleasure in this world!

God allows it! Life can be as light and breezy as ... as a romantic comedy.

ROSALINDA: With Irene Dunne.

NORMA: With Molly Ringwald! Pretty in Pink! Get up to date, girl! Vladimir, help this woman, please!

ROSALINDA: Does it matter now? We'll both have interviews in Memo's documentary. Yes, you and I, women who only went to the movies once, now will get to be in them.

VLADIMIR: Stars on the big screen, the two of you!

VLADIMIR kisses her on the lips very spontaneously.

ROSALINDA: What was that?

VLADIMIR: I'm just happy all of a sudden. Don't let us ask for the moon.

ROSALINDA: You hear that, Norma? He's quoting from ...

ROSALINDA AND NORMA: Now, Voyager!

NORMA: Yes! Now I can die in peace in a hospital in Hollywood.

VLADIMIR: (As he pulls out a pack of cigarettes.) Sorry to violate hospital rules, but ...

ROSALINDA: Ah, yes. Let's just have a cigarette on it.

He lights a cigarette and hands it to her a la Paul Henreid in Now, Voyager.

VLADIMIR: We don't have the moon.

ROSALINDA: But we shall always have the movies.

Lights down. End of play.

Appendix B

WE LOST IT AT THE MOVIES

Additional Cast and Production Information

We Lost It at the Movies (with a Special Appearance by Rock Hudson) was originally presented at Arizona State University's New Works Festival in November 2005; it was directed by Erma Duricko with the following cast:

ROSALINDA Edith Donoghue-Chavez
MEMO/NARRATOR Aaron Wester
NORMA Maria Enriquez
ARMANDO David McCormick
VLADIMIR/ROCK HUDSON Adam Solon
GRANDMOTHER/DOROTHEA/ENSEMBLE Angela Giron
HELENA/ENSEMBLE Avery Yanez

The play was further developed during the summer of 2007 for the Arkansas Repertory Theater's Voices at the River; also directed by Erma Duricko, it had the following cast:

ROSALINDA Annette Cardona
MEMO/NARRATOR Orlando Rios
NORMA Jessica Peterson
ARMANDO Dominic Comperatore
VLADIMIR/ROCK HUDSON Jim Ireland
GRANDMOTHER/DOROTHEA/ENSEMBLE Vivian Morrison Norman
HELENA/ENSEMBLE Marissa Duricko

Guillermo Reyes is a Chilean-born writer whose plays include Men on the Verge of a His-Panic Breakdown, Deporting the Divas, The Seductions of Johnny Diego, Mother Lolita, and various others. Two of his plays, Places to Touch Him and Miss Consuelo, were featured in the anthology Borders on Stage: Plays Produced by Teatro Bravo, published in 2008 by L&S Books. His autobiographical work, Madre and I: A Memoir of Our Immigrant Lives, was published by the University of Wisconsin Press in 2010.

Madison, a historical comedy, won first prize in the Premiere Stages New Play Development award competition and was produced at Premiere Stages in Union, New Jersey, in 2008. Other productions include Blend, which was performed at Theatre Three's One-Act Festival; Mend, performed at the Sands Theater in Deland, Florida, in February 2008; Farewell to Hollywood, which debuted at Bloomington (IN) Playwrights Project; The Suspects, which premiered at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis in April 2005; and Sunrise at Monticello, a historical comedy about Thomas Jefferson, which appeared at the Playwrights' Theater of New Jersey in October 2005. A sketch comedy entitled The Hispanick Zone was produced at Teatro Bravo in Phoenix, Theatrikos in Flagstaff, and East L.A. Rep in Los Angeles in September 2007.

Earlier productions include Chilean Holiday, which was produced at the Actors' Theater of Louisville and published in Humana Festival '96: The Complete Plays, and Men on the Verge of a His-Panic Breakdown, which won Theater L.A.'s Ovation Award for Best World Premiere Play and Best Production in 1994. It has since played across the country, most importantly in New York City, where it also won the 1996 Emerging Playwright Award and was produced off-Broadway at Urban Stages and at the 47th Street Playhouse.

In the Phoenix area, Reyes founded the bilingual theater company Teatro Bravo, where he has produced and directed dozens of productions, including the recent American Victory by Jose Zarate. Based on the autobiography by Olympic wrestler Henry Cejudo (with Bill Plaschke), it premiered at Arizona State University before playing at Teatro Bravo. In 2012 Reyes received a Best Director nomination for this production from the Phoenix ariZoni Awards.

Guillermo Reyes received his MFA in playwriting from the University of California, San Diego. He is currently a professor in the School of Theater and Film at Arizona State University in Tempe, where he heads the Dramatic Writing program.