Carolyn Ambler Walter, The Loss of a Life Partner: Narratives of the Bereaved.
Barusch, Amanda Smith
Carolyn Ambler Walter, The Loss of a Life Partner: Narratives of
the Bereaved. New York: Columbia University Press, 2003. $52.50
hardcover, $26.50 papercover.
Carolyn Walters is a professor at Widener University's Center
for Social Work Education. She was widowed at a relatively young age and
found that her experiences of grief and loss were not reflected in what
she had been taught about these life processes. Specifically, she felt
that it was important, not to "let go" of a deceased loved
one, but to find a way to hold onto--and relocate the memories while
moving on with life. This insight permeates the volume and (perhaps not
surprisingly) is reflected in the narratives. It is also reflected in
Walters' experience. She reports having successfully transformed
the relationship with her deceased spouse and being newly re-married.
The idea for this book took root when Walters realized, while
giving a workshop on loss of a young spouse, that there were no support
groups for domestic partners. This led to an exploration of
disenfranchised loss that focused on the work of Ken Doka. Many of the
narratives reported here confirm Doka's observation that acceptance
of the relationship by friends and family can facilitate the grief
process and reduce the experience of disenfranchisement.
The Loss of a Life Partner is a pleasant and interesting read, and
as Walters predicts," ... the narratives provide riveting examples
of the loss of a partner" (p. xvii). The book's organization
is satisfying, beginning with a review of classic and postmodern
paradigms for understanding grief (Chapter 1) and a summary of research
literature on loss of a partner (Chapter 2). These introductory chapters
are followed by four chapters: Loss of Spouse (Chapter 3), Loss of an
Opposite-Sex Partner (Chapter 4), Loss of a Gay Partner (Chapter 5) and
Loss of a Lesbian Partner (Chapter 6). The book closes with a discussion
of Similar and Diverse Themes (Chapter 7), examination of grief
interventions (Chapter 8) and an exploration of clinical implications
(Chapter 9).
The twenty four respondents whose narratives make up the body of
this work were recruited through announcements in newsletters of
organizations such as the Association for Death Education and Counseling
and from hospice organizations, augmented by a snowball technique. As a
result, the majority are therapists and counselors, all are white-collar
professionals, most are middle-aged, and it seems the vast majority are
white. These respondents are articulate and insightful. Many of them
sought therapy to cope with their losses. Those who mentioned hospice
organizations were glowing in their praise. All of this is not
surprising given the recruiting strategy. While one might wish for
greater diversity of class and race, Walters is not attempting a
comprehensive examination of grief and loss. Her intent is to build on
insights that have stemmed from her personal and professional
experiences and provide practical clinical insights for practitioners
who work with this population; and in this regard the book is an
unqualified success.
Disenfranchised grief is a central theme of this work. Walters
suggests that lesbians in particular benefit from telling trusted others
the nature of their relationships. And, for opposite-sex and for gay and
lesbian partners, she suggests that the presence of knowledgeable,
supportive friends and family members reduces the extent to which the
bereaved experience disenfranchisement. Walters notes the presence of
homophobia in the lives of her gay and lesbian respondents, but seems to
neglect the role of the broader community in disenfranchising
non-traditional relationships. Indeed, disenfranchisement is treated
here more as an interpersonal process, than as the result of social
norms and public policies. This view is common in the grief literature,
probably because of its focus on reducing the immediate suffering of the
bereaved. Yet those who view disenfranchisement as depriving a person of
privileges or legal rights may find it disconcerting.
Walters offered two especially touching examples of
disenfranchisement in relation to legal rights. In these cases, lesbian
women had medical power of attorney, but their views were ignored by
medical authorities. Treatment decisions that were carefully crafted by
a dying woman and her partner were overruled, despite the legal
authority of the power of attorney. Walter notes that this did not
happen to gay men in her sample, but does not draw the natural
conclusion that this may be yet another example of the subjugation of
women by the medical establishment.
Another poignant theme in the book is the transformative aspect of
grief. Time and again respondents reported that the loss of their loved
one had made them different--better--people. As one respondent put it,
"What doesn't kill you makes you strong." In a truly
post-modern interpretation, Walters describes this as the process of
"making meaning from the experience." Thus she deftly sidesteps the question of whether profound loss "really" does
make us stronger, more patient, more in tune with life's
priorities, more spiritually aware ... or whether we just need to
believe this to justify our massive suffering.
The reader will not find this book an outstanding example of
in-depth qualitative research. The sample is small and homogenous along
dimensions of race and class. Results tend to confirm the author's
expectations, and causal assumptions are not subjected to careful
critical analysis. This does not detract from the clinical and practical
significance of Walter's contribution. The book offers a strong,
clear theoretical framework, thoughtful integration of the relevant
literature, and unusually perceptive insights into the clinical
implications of the cases considered. The Loss of a Life Partner will be
a valuation addition to professional libraries and a useful tool for
instruction.
Amanda Smith Barusch
University of Utah
