Faithful Fathering in Trying Times: Religious Beliefs and Practices of Latter-Day Saint Fathers of Children with Special Needs.

Dollahite, David C. ; Marks, Loren D. ; Olson, Michael M. 等

This paper presents the findings from an exploration of religious beliefs collected from narrative accounts from 16 Latter-day Saint (LDS or Mormon) fathers of children with special needs. Six themes were created to organize the narratives as a result of coding. The first three are M explicitly religious in nature: (1) choosing to care, (2) dealing with today's challenges, and (3) building love through play. The second three themes were explicitly religious: (4) having faith in God's purposes, (5) giving priesthood blessings, and (6) accepting help from the church. These themes are connected to the literature on special-needs children and are related to the conceptual ethic of generative fathering (Dollahite, Hawkins, & Brotherson, 1997).

While there has been no shortage of scholarly work on fathers and fathering in recent years, relatively little research has been done on the influence of religious beliefs and practices on fathering (Dollahite, 1998, this issue). Indeed, religion has rarely been included as a variable of interest in studies of fathering (Marciano, 1991). When religion is studied, it is typically limited to quantitative assessments of "religiosity" (frequency of church attendance) rather than more personal or familial beliefs and practices (Michello, 1988; Sorensen, 1989). Given the abiding importance of religious belief and practice in American life, it is surprising that scant scholarship has been done to ascertain whether religious beliefs and practices can be beneficial in helping parents raise children, and if so, which are most beneficial.

This paper presents the findings of an exploration of religious beliefs and practices from a collection of narrative accounts from 16 Latter-day Saint (Mormon) fathers of children with special needs. We begin with brief reviews of the literature on faith and fathering and special-needs children. Next, we present the conceptual ethic of generative fathering (Dollahite, Hawkins, & Brotherson, 1997) that serves as a theoretical framework for the study. We then present the narrative accounts and discuss them in the context of Latter-day Saint religious belief and practice, findings from research on stress and special-needs families, and ideas from the generative fathering perspective. Finally, we discuss the implications of our findings for fathering and faith.

CRITICAL REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE ON FAITH AND FATHERING

Scholarship that has treated fathering and faith can be loosely categorized into three genres: (a) theological discussion and pastoral counsel found primarily in religious journals, (b) psychological and philosophical critiques, and (c) quantitative research in family studies that examines intergenerational transmission of religiosity.

Theological and pastoral work. Hundreds of articles exist in religious magazines and journals that approach fathering from a theological and pastoral perspective (e.g., Falwell, 1987; Heinrichs, 1982; McCoy, 1986; Stolt, 1994). Christian theological discussions typically center around God's "divine fatherhood" and the relationship of this doctrine to earthly paternity. Pastoral articles relating to fathering typically include admonition that encourages fathers to incorporate various facets of religious beliefs and ethics into their father-child relationships.

Psychological and philosophical critiques. Psychological and philosophical explorations of the influence of religion on fathering that are either neutral or positive are somewhat sparse (Abramovitch, 1997; Kass, 1994; Miller, 1983; Vergote, 1980). Critiques of religious fathering are more abundant (e.g., Eilberg-Schwartz, 1995; Foster, 1994; Hook & Kimel, 1995, Schwartz-Salant, 1987). Freudian and subsequent pyschodynamic thought has impugned religion as "an obsessional neurosis" that spawns the "oppressive religious father" (Vergote, 1980) and is harmful to mental health. This view is highly problematic in light of Matthews, Larson, and their colleagues' (1993a, 1993b, 1995, 1997) four-volume review of nearly four hundred empirical studies on religion and health that shows religious faith to be either neutral or beneficial to physical, mental, and relational health.

Another critique of religious fathering is found in the literature of feminists, whose deep concern is that religious beliefs and practices that encourage fathers to believe they should have authority over other family members may lead to inequity, oppression, or abuse (Jantzen, 1995; Lee, 1995; Pannenberg, 1993).

Family studies. In family studies, both theoretical work and quantitative research on the influence of faith on fathering is quite limited, and qualitative research on the topic is nearly nonexistent. The past 15 years demonstrate increased interest in the intergenerational transmission of paternal religiosity, but little research seems to go beyond the quantitative relationship between father religiosity and child religiosity and values (e.g., Clark, Worthington, & Danser, 1988; Giesbrecht, 1995; Petrillo & Smith, 1982). Fathers' religiosity has been found to influence adolescents' religiosity, but not much is known about how or why religious beliefs and practices influence fathers' conduct or which religious beliefs and practices are most helpful and influential. A narrative approach maybe especially useful for research of this kind (Webb-Mitchell, 1993). Marciano (1991) stated that the research on the religion-fathering connection was scant and in her review of that literature concluded:

 The impact of religion on fatherhood is one that needs closely detailed,
 including qualitative, study, to determine whether and how religion can
 enhance that role for the father, and for his children. (p. 159)

PREVIOUS RESEARCH ON FATHERING AND CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

The amount of scholarship on fathers' experiences with special-needs children is relatively small but is growing (Fewell & Vadasy, 1986; Frey, Fewell, & Vadasy, 1989; Greenfeld, 1972; Hannam, 1975; Hornby, 1992, 1994; Lamb & Laumann Billings, 1997; Lamb & Meyer, 1991; May, 1996; Turbiville, 1994; Turnbull, 1985). Lamb & Laumann Billings (1997) conclude that the few studies to date are limited in a variety of ways, including over-reliance on observations of fathers, research based on clinical impressions, maternal reports of paternal reactions, and focus on fathers' reactions to diagnosis rather than ongoing adaptation. Scholars in the special-needs area now acknowledge that, until recently, families with special-needs children were perceived, studied, and treated as if they were "distressed, burdened by sadness and stigma" (Bennett, Deluca, & Allen, 1995). Evidence suggests that while about one-third of parents with special-needs children may fit this generalization, the majority of such parents, in spite of and because of these challenges, adapt, grow, and come to feel gratitude for the privilege or "blessing" it is to parent a "special child." In addition to these findings, little research on the father's role in the development of special-needs children has been done (Beail & McGuire, 1982); studies do show, however, that fathers who are involved in the lives of their children with special needs when they are infants tend to remain active in their children's lives (Parke, Power, Tinsley, & Hymel, 1980); and numerous studies have shown that experiences are different between mothers and fathers of children with special needs (Bailey, Blasco, & Simeonsson, 1992; Beckman, 1991; Frey, Fewell, & Vadasy, 1989; Goldberg, Marcovich, Macgregor, & Lojkasek, 1986).

Scholars have called for research to understand the needs and patterns of fathers in accessing support resources (Bristol & Gallagher, 1986; Lamb & Meyer, 1991) and to study factors relating to successful adaptation by fathers of special-needs children (Bristol & Gallagher, 1986). There has also been a call to study fathers of special-needs children from a generative, positive perspective, rather than from a deficit model, that is extant in studies of fathers in general (Hawkins & Dollahite, 1997) and fathers of children with special needs in particular (Brotherson & Dollahite, 1997). This study addresses these issues.

There is a small literature on religion and families with special-needs children (e.g., Bennett, Deluca, & Allen, 1995; Rutledge, Levin, Larson, & Lyons, 1995; Schmitt, 1978; Webb-Mitchell, 1993; Weisner, Beizer, & Stoltz, 1991). Typically, religious beliefs and supportive religious communities are seen as coping resources for religious families in both the initial acceptance of, as well as in the ongoing coping with, the challenges of raising a special-needs child. We found no research that focused specifically on religious influences on fathering in families with special-needs children. This study begins to fill this gap.

THE CONCEPTUAL ETHIC OF GENERATIVE FATHERING AND FAITHFUL FATHERING

This section suggests some connections between the conceptual ethic of fathering as generative work proposed by Dollahite, Hawkins, and Brotherson (1997) and Dollahite and Hawkins (1998, this issue) and the concept "faithful fathering." After a brief description of the framework, some connections will be made with religious belief and practice.

The conceptual ethic of fathering as generative work draws from the developmental conceptual work of Erik Erikson (1950, 1982) and John Snarey (1993). The generative framework is based on the idea that universal human challenges create needs in the next generation that fathers have the ethical responsibility and capability to work to meet, and that fathers and children both benefit and grow from this work.

The generative ethic conceptualizes fathering as generative work, rather than as a social role embedded in a changing sociohistorical context. Fatherwork is a term Dollahite et al. (1997) and Dollahite and Hawkins (1998, this issue) use to describe the conduct of generative fathering. The conceptual ethic suggests seven areas of fatherwork that fathers should be involved in:

 1. Ethical work. Ethical work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to commit (to pledge to ensure the child's well-being) and
 to continue (to be an enduring presence in the child's life).

 2. Stewardship work. Stewardship work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to consecrate (to dedicate material resources to the child)
 and to create (to provide possibilities for the child to achieve).

 3. Development work. Development work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to care (to respond to the child's needs and wants) and to
 change (to adapt in response to the child's needs).

 4. Recreation work. Recreation work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to cooperate (to relax and play together on the child's
 level) and to challenge (to extend the child's skills and coping
 abilities).

 5. Spiritual work. Spiritual work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to confirm (to affirm his belief and confidence in the
 child) and to counsel (to guide, teach, advise, and inspire the child).

 6. Relational work. Relational work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to commune (to share love, thoughts, and feelings with the
 child) and to comfort (to express empathy and understanding with the
 child).

 7. Mentoring work. Mentoring work consists of the father's ability and
 responsibility to consult (to impart ideas and stories when asked) and to
 contribute (to sustain and support generative work of the child).

The generative ethic and faithful fathering. Faithful fathering refers both to fathering that is faithful to children and fathering that is enlivened by religious belief. The term faithful fathering captures what the generative ethic calls for, since the term faithful connotes a committed, involved, responsible, caring, loving, responsive father. Indeed, the term faithful is used explicitly in the generative framework to describe the desired result of spiritual work, namely faithful fathers (Dollahite & Hawkins, 1998, this issue). In general, the conceptual ethic of fathering as generative work seems consistent with religious emphases on caring for the dependent and needy, working to serve others, meeting obligations toward others, and striving toward an ethical ideal. Spiritual work is, perhaps more than the other seven types of generative work, consistent with religious emphasis on spiritual matters and providing meaning and guidance. Spiritual work does not necessarily imply religious belief or practice; however, religious beliefs and practices can be helpful in facilitating generative spiritual work (Dollahite et al., 1998). Ethical work, with emphasis on commitment, is consonant with the idea of covenant in religion. Stewardship work stresses dedication to the child's physical well-being that is consonant with religious emphasis on caring for other's material needs. Development work's emphasis on attention to growth through responsive care and adaptation seems similar to religious injunctions to care and change for others. Relational work, which includes "communing" and "comforting," is reminiscent of religious teachings to love and succor others, especially those who are alone or in pain. Mentoring work, with its emphasis on passing on wisdom and supporting others in their work, is similar to pastoral teachings to bless and assist others in their burdens. Recreation work's emphasis on playful cooperation in the midst of stress and challenges is consonant with religious teachings that hold out the possibility of peace and joy even while surrounded by difficulties and pressures.

METHOD

SAMPLE

The sample consisted of sixteen married, middle-socioeconomic-status fathers of children with special needs from central Utah. Most were involved in a support program for such families. The types of special needs in the children in our sample included such things as mild intellectual and emotional limitations, serious emotional physical disabilities, and life-threatening chronic illness. Fathers were generally between 20 and 30 years of age (mean, 26 years) with between two and four children. The majority of the special-needs children were under age three, but many of the families involved had older special-needs children as well. The sample was mainly Caucasian, with one African-American father and one native Chinese father.

All participants were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon or LDS), which teaches that fathers should place their highest priority on their work as husbands and fathers (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Rhoades, 1993). A unique aspect of fathering for Latter-day Saint fathers is that the church has a lay priesthood in which most fathers are also elders or high priests in the church. Church teachings and practices are designed to strengthen families, and for Mormon men, the most important Mormon religious obligations, covenants, and involvements are family-centered. In practical terms, this means Latter-day Saint fathers are strongly encouraged and motivated to lead their families in home-based family devotional activities (e.g., daily prayer and scripture study and weekly religious family gatherings called "home evenings") and to serve as spiritual leaders in their families, including, when needed, performing "priesthood blessings" for their children. In a priesthood blessing, the father lays his hands on his child's head and pronounces a blessing of "healing" or one of "comfort and counsel."

DESIGN, PROCEDURES, AND ANALYSES

Our research method was qualitative, using fathers' narratives gathered through in-depth interviews of one-and-one-half to two hours in length. Two-person teams, usually a man and a woman, conducted interviews. Questions were designed to elicit from fathers narratives that illustrated times when they felt closest to (and most distant from) their children, times when they felt they met (and didn't meet) their children's needs, their most (and least) enjoyable experiences with children, and ways they tried to develop a good relationship with them.

A growing body of literature in the social and behavioral sciences focuses on the narrative approach to understanding people (Brotherson & Dollahite, 1997; Josselson & Lieblich, 1993; Kotre, 1984; McAdams, 1985; Palus, 1993; Polkinghorne, 1988; Riessman, 1993). Narrative accounts are stories that describe events and typically give personal interpretation of those events (Brotherson & Dollahite, 1997; Dollahite, Hawkins, & Brotherson, 1996). Palus (1993) found that lasting transformative experiences in adulthood are narrative in nature and are incorporated into the "life story" of the person, and McAdams (1985) found that identity is formed and changed in a "life story." Narrative accounts partake of the unique advantages of qualitative research that Miles & Huberman (1994) mention: natural setting, local groundedness, richness and holism of data, flexibility, emphasis on meaning, and usefulness for hypothesis development and testing.

The questions asked were intended to draw out personal experiences, along with personal meanings of those experiences. Our purpose in performing these analyses was to better understand some of the specific ways religious beliefs and practices help fathers who face the challenge of raising a child with special needs. However, in the original interviews, no questions asked specifically about religious beliefs, practices, and experiences. Although some questions asked about negative experiences with their children, we did not explicitly ask fathers about possible negative effects of religion on their fathering, although questions did not foreclose this issue.

The analyses sought to describe and interpret the meaning in the fathers' experiences and the fathers' own interpretations of their experiences. Other analyses of these data for other studies had indicated that, without having been asked specifically about religious matters, these fathers often spoke about the value and meaning of their religious beliefs, practices, and communities in helping them father a special-needs child. Atheoretical coding of the interview transcripts (approximately 450 pages of dialogue) was conducted. The approach was to attempt to understand whether and in what ways these fathers referred to religious beliefs and practices in discussing their experience as a father of a special-needs child.

Reflexivity. Qualitative researchers act from a subjective, interpretive position (Hammersley & Atkinson, 1983; Miles & Huberman, 1994; Riessman, 1993). Thus qualitative researchers typically believe it is important to discuss reflexivity, or the potential impact of the researchers' personal contexts and worldviews on their analyses and interpretations. This is particularly important if researchers are "insiders" in relation to the group they are studying (Daly, 1992; Farnsworth, 1996). Each of the authors is a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is understanding, appreciative, and supportive of the LDS perspective on fathering. All three authors are fathers, and the first author has a child with special needs. Like many other qualitative scholars, we desire to convey clearly and honestly the values, meanings, and experiences of members of the group we are studying to the broader community of scholars, rather than to take a traditional scholar-subject stance in relation to our respondents. We further acknowledge that we are predisposed to see the positive value of religious beliefs and practices; however, we also seek to learn if there are ways that faith may not be helpful to fathers of children with special needs.

RESULTS

This section presents fathers' narratives arranged into the six themes that emerged from atheoretical coding of the narratives. The first three themes mentioned are not explicitly religious, but the latter three themes clearly are. Given the overall religious nature of the interviews and of the ways Latter-day Saints tend to make everyday things sacred, we also place some religious interpretations from the first three themes in footnotes for the interested reader. Although the themes vary in their explicit focus, all give insight into what faithful fathering involves.

THE SIX THEMES FOUND IN THE NARRATIVES

1. Choosing to care

2. Dealing with today's challenges

3. Building love through play

4. Having faith in God's purposes

5. Giving priesthood blessings

6. Accepting help from the church

Choosing to Care. Fathers of special-needs children are often challenged to overcome the initial shock and heartbreak of a "less-than-perfect" baby, followed by unexpected demands, complications, and challenges that crowd into all areas of personal and family life. The stress literature demonstrates that a sense of personal efficacy or empowerment in challenging circumstances is very important in whether a person successfully copes with stresses and crises (Dollahite, 1991).

The fathers we interviewed faced disappointments, limitations, frustrations, and griefs that tried their patience and sometimes seemed to limit their options. However, a belief in their ability to choose both their attitude and their actions seemed to empower them and to prevent a sense of victimization through emphasizing choices instead of constraints. In the following example, the father knows he can control his emotions, and he expresses the joy he feels when he chooses to do so:

 Interviewer: Can you tell us about an experience when you felt especially
 close emotionally to Kristine?(1)

 Father: It would be one of those times when I feel that I'm getting
 frustrated at something she is doing, or she is waking us up at night ...
 but decide not to. You feel a bit more love in those instances when you
 decide not to get mad.

 Interviewer: Can you tell us about a time when you felt especially distant
 emotionally from Kristine?

 Father: The times that I didn't decide to not get frustrated--not making
 that decision [to stay calm].

Despite the difficult situations fathers are presented with, if they do what they feel is best, in spite of challenging circumstances, they feel responsive to moral calls from their children. The next two narratives exemplify such "calls" from children and their fathers' responses:

 One of my sons the other day, Russell, said, "Dad, you never play catch
 with me." That's when you know that you're spending too much time at work.
 If parents would only listen, they've got warning signals out there in
 their kids.

 I drove a truck for a while and I think that has contributed to our being
 distant. She felt like she didn't have a daddy. I came home and told her to
 clean something up, and she said, "You can't tell me what to do. You're not
 my daddy." That ripped me apart ... I stopped driving a truck really fast
 and brought myself back home [more]. She was more or less saying, "You
 should be home."

In the following example, a father chooses to care for his young daughter who is dying from leukemia; he views a potentially distasteful chore as a meaningful relational experience:

 I've just about spent my life caring for and nurturing Megan, when I wasn't
 at work. Maybe the hospital is the part we like to forget but can't. When
 her pain got to the point that she couldn't go to the bathroom, I was the

 one that got to do her bedpans for her. She would only let me do it; I was
 the one that did that. It wasn't a thing for Mom, and she didn't want
 anybody else in the room. She kicked everybody out of the room--nurses, Mom
 (Mom had to be outside the door), and I would get the bedpan as best as I
 could under her bottom without hurting her. Moving the sheets hurt her. It
 was not a good thing. But she let me do that for her, and I was able to
 take care of her needs, and it helped me that I was the only one she'd let
 do it.... You wouldn't expect bedpan shuffling to be a wonderful memory,
 but it was. She trusted me to do my best job not to hurt her, and that was
 special to me that she let me do that.

Thus, faithful fathering partly involves exercising power of choice to commit to be an enduring presence in a child's life and to care for a child even when that care is difficult and one is discouraged.(2)

Dealing with Today's Challenges. The research on special-needs families has found that dealing with life "one day at a time" is an almost universal way of coping. Many of our fathers sounded similar chords when asked about their approach to the challenge of raising a special-needs child. Frustration and overwhelming strain can accompany the effort to meet all of life's challenges at once. The following narratives illustrate the important and difficult work of dealing with "today's" challenges today and not being overwhelmed or distracted by far-off problems:

 Immediately after Jerran's birth in the hospital, ... [the medical staff]
 were talking about his sexuality, about getting married, and all kinds of
 things that you don't even worry about with a normal kid, let alone a
 handicapped kid, when they are born. We were trying to decide whether to
 get him circumcised or not, and the things that they were talking about in
 the hospital had nothing to do with us dealing with today.

 For the longest time, life has been a series of
 let's-try-to-get-through-today experiences.

 I think that the most important thing and the biggest change that McKay has
 made in our life is that he's made us realize that there are no guarantees
 in life and that we can't see till tomorrow. Something could happen to my
 other kids at any time. I think that the thing we don't want to happen, and
 I don't want to happen, is that I don't want my last thought or my last
 experience with my children to be one that is negative.... We can't stop
 the arguments, and we can't stop the fights, ... but the thing that we've
 tried to do the most is to be able to handle those as quickly as possible
 so that we can go on in a positive way from there.

This theme relates to fathers' involvement in generative, development work through daily responsiveness to a child's immediate and changing needs. Thus faithful fathering partly involves consistent effort in paying direct and immediate attention to meeting a child's daily needs.(3)

Building Love Through Play. One of the consistent findings of child development research is that fathers' play and recreation with children are associated with a variety of positive outcomes for children, fathers, and the father-child relationship. Recreation literally means "to create anew." Recreation recreates bodies, minds, spirits, and relationships and sometimes has a spiritual dimension, particularly with children that have physical, cognitive, or emotional limitations.

The fathers we interviewed described playing with their children as deeply meaningful experiences. Many, if not most, responses to the questions, "When do you feel closest to your child?" and "When do you think your child feels closest to you?" were similar to the response by this father: "When I'm playing with her and she [his special-needs daughter] laughs."

Play was also dominant when fathers discussed their "most enjoyable experiences" and "the most important things they do to meet their child's needs." One father conveyed his purpose in play as follows:

 You can't very well pick a baby up and say, "I love you. You know what that
 means? OK, good!" Letting him know he is loved is the most important
 [thing]. The whole idea behind playing with him ... is that it develops
 love.

One father explained how play helped his relationship with his special-needs son: "I try and play basketball with him.... He talks and opens up a lot more when we are playing basketball or doing things."

O'Keefe (1994) explains that although play can serve as a pillar of joy, "the joy is centered not on the activity but on the joy of being together." This joy of being together is apparent in father/special-needs-child play of many varieties.(4) When asked what were some of the most enjoyable experiences fathers had with their children with special needs, one father responded:

 Changing his diaper, because you can get in his face and be fairly close to
 him, and he's actually started talking or babbling for me. On the changing
 table I can usually get him to start babbling right back at me.

And another said:

 One of the most enjoyable experiences that I remember is that we would play
 hide-and-go-seek. He couldn't talk and he couldn't walk but he could crawl.
 I would hide and say, "Okay, Brandon, come and find me!" and he would come
 and find me. When he'd find me, he would laugh, and we had a really fun
 time doing that. I think about that a lot.

A primary reason for the power of play between a father and his child may be that it allows the father to commune on the child's level. A father's responsibilities as teacher, provider, disciplinarian, etc., put him on a different level than his child. In play, however, they can be buddies, teammates, equals.(5)

The generative practice of ,recreation work" can bring not only occasional fun or relaxation, but also deep and abiding joy, to those facing significant challenges. Faithful fathering thus partly involves joyful, playful activity and conversation with one's child. In fact, the metaphor of the Special Olympics is an apt metaphor for fathering children with special-needs. Fathers can coach children to develop skills and confidence, provide opportunities for accomplishment, give encouragement and supportive cheering along the way, and present them with rewards for effort and accomplishment. Every special-needs child deserves a father that runs and jumps with her through the challenges of life, one that enthusiastically hugs him at the end of each little success, one that hangs medals on his neck with pride and love in his eyes, and one that, through his constant encouragement and love, places a continual stream of flowers in her hands.

Having Faith in God's Purposes. Fathering a child with special needs can be a series of challenges and trials that leave those involved forever changed. For some, this work is a perpetual torment, "an affliction that continually unfolds" (Greenfield, 1972). Yet, for others, the trials and challenges that surround their special-needs child generate something more--life becomes more meaningful, more cherished. In a study comparing religious and nonreligious families with a special-needs child, Weisner, Beizner, and Stolze (1991) found that religious parents more often referred to caring for the child as an "opportunity" rather than a burden.

Stress theory suggests that the way that a situation is perceived and defined has a tremendous impact on whether or not the situation becomes a "crisis" (Dollahite, 1991). One of the potential benefits of religious belief is that it can bring coherence and meaning during difficult times. For example, Bennett et al. (1995) found that religious beliefs give parents a sense of meaning and hope.

Most of the fathers we interviewed expressed an optimism and hope that is relatively absent in many earlier narrative-based publications (e.g., Greenfield, 1972; Hannam, 1975; Turnbull, 1985). Religious faith was a significant part of that hope. For these fathers, their initial "trials" were later recalled as blessings in embryo. Faith in a divine purpose can give fathers who parent children with serious challenges a way to define the situation that brings meaning, comfort, and hope. One father discussed how his son has influenced many for good and how this gave meaning to the father:

 McKay was brought into this world for a special purpose, and that was to
 bring people together.... I could probably tell you ten or fifteen
 different instances where just this little boy has added light and brought
 people together for a common cause. I think that is one of the biggest
 reasons he is here with us today.

Many of the fathers from our sample gave personal examples of how their religious beliefs about all people being children of God, the potential for family relationships to continue beyond the grave, and the reality of perfect bodily resurrection in the future for their child with special needs help them to find meaning and hope.

 I think the most important thing that helps me [to be the kind of father
 that Wei Pan needs] is the realization that Wei Pan is not my property. He
 is not my son, per se, but is a son of God and a child of God. He is given
 to me so that I can raise him. That realization reminds me that I am
 responsible to the Heavenly Father for him.

 You read the Book of Mormon, you read the Bible, and you know that we are
 all children sent from heaven down to earth. Also, being able to
 participate in temple ordinances,(6) you learn that families can be
 together forever. However, there is a condition that you have to hold
 together and be worthy together. That is the ultimate motivation.

 The most important thing in the universe, really, is your family, because
 it's the only thing that goes on past this life, meaning the relationships
 we develop. Megan knew about death. She knew about bodies and spirits. We
 had another talk with her the night before she died. When we knew it was
 coming, we talked with her. She was prepared. One of the deepest insights
 that I think I got through this whole experience is that, as we sent her
 off into the next world, I was so happy for her because she was going to go
 on and get a perfect body. That body will never hurt her again and betray
 her, never fail her. No broken bones, no shingles, no leukemia.

Another idea that emerged from the fathers' narratives was the peace and strength that their faith in God's divine purposes provided for them and their families during and after the birth of their children with special needs. The following are examples:

 We do have a faith, and we do have a belief in Christ. We believe in a
 hereafter, and we believe in a resurrection. Because of that we don't
 center our lives in trying to ask why it isn't fair or why things have to
 happen. We know that in our own due time, or in Christ's time, those things
 will all be answered.

 We did our best to make sure that we got through it well. We weren't going
 to say, "Why me?" and that is something I spent very little time on ... I
 still wondered from time to time why she had to go through this, but I
 didn't spend any time being mad at God that we were chosen to go through
 this. I decided early on that we were going to tackle this with faith and
 determination, and we were going to make it. We were going to come out
 being in love with God and not hating him.

In generative fathering terms, religious beliefs form part of the core of meaning that fathers pass on to children through the counseling and comforting that fathers do as part of their spiritual work. The generative ethic is based on the concept that the human condition is inherently challenging and that generative, faithful fathering can meet the needs that are associated with these challenges. When met with faith and determination, trials, including those that accompany the special needs of a child, have become blessings that fathers and families would not surrender. Faithful fathering thus partly involves drawing on one's personal faith to give one the strength and hope to give one's child the lasting care and compassion be or she needs.

Giving Priesthood Blessings. Fewell and Vadasy (1986) mention that disproportionately high desertion rates by fathers of handicapped children have been reported. They believe that such rates will continue unless a significant father-child bond develops early. Research on fathers and their children with special needs shows that a father who establishes a strong connection with his child and is actively involved with his child during infancy is far more likely to be meaningfully involved throughout the child's life (Parke et al., 1980). Marciano (1991), in her review of the literature on religion and fatherhood, mentioned that the LDS faith is unique in that it is based on a lay priesthood, and fathers are generally priesthood holders who administer to their own families. The LDS priesthood practice of a father giving a name and a blessing is one way LDS fathers minister to their families and helps create a meaningful bond between father and newborn.

When a baby is born to an LDS family, church members and the child's extended family place great importance on the ceremony of the father giving the child a name and a blessing. Family members and friends travel (often from some distance) to be present at the blessing. In front of the congregation during a Sunday service, the father and other family members and friends who are elders in the church form a circle facing each other and support the newborn with their hands in the center of the circle. The father then gives the infant a name (decided by the parents ahead of time) and blesses the baby (with things such as health, spiritual gifts, and talents). The naming and blessing is a rite by which the child is "introduced" to the church family in the local congregation, and by which the child's name is placed on church records (following the blessing). The naming and blessing also makes public and symbolizes the commitment that the father has made to provide for, protect, teach, love, and serve the child throughout the child's life.(7)

In these next narratives, two fathers explain how the experience of giving their child a name and a blessing helped them to bond with their newborns.

 Interviewer: Can you tell us about a time when you felt especially
 emotionally close to Luke?

 Father: The day I blessed him, when he was really little.... I think I was
 more jazzed than Teresa [his wife].... I remember just how neat it was.
 There was my son. I was pretty emotional. I don't think he was, but I was
 really emotional over that.

 Interviewer: Can you tell me about a time when you felt especially close to
 Trina?

 Father: That would be when I blessed her as a baby. That's one of those
 times that I felt extremely close to Trina.... I learned that I would die
 for this person. I learned that from this moment on we will be linked
 forever. This child is my responsibility forever, to guide, to direct, and
 to nurture.

To these and other fathers who were interviewed, the experience of giving their child a name and a blessing was transcendent, a formal commencement of paternal devotion. This practice is one way these fathers did ethical work by being there from the beginning and publicly committing to be involved continually.

Other than the naming and blessing of infants, other blessings fathers give include blessings of healing (when someone is ill or has had an accident) and blessings of comfort and counsel (when someone is discouraged or needs guidance). For Latter-day Saints, the practices of praying and giving blessings have special significance with afflicted children (Richards & Ports, 1995). This next narrative is from a father whose child was sick:

 Last night I stayed up till about 4:00 a.m. because Wei Pan was having a
 high fever, etc. When a kid gets sick, you really reach out to him, and I
 asked him whether he would like me to give him a blessing, and he said,
 "Yes." That was at about 3:30 in the morning. I went downstairs and prayed
 to my Heavenly Father that my sins would be forgiven, so that the Spirit
 would be able to bless my son through me, and the blessing would be able to
 reach him through me, and I would be clean enough to do that. Then I came
 up to give him a blessing. Of course, that makes you feel very close to
 your children, because that's exactly what fathers are meant to be, the
 patriarchs of the family, so that you are there when your children need
 you.

The following poignant narrative comes from a father who had pleaded with God in prayer and through priesthood blessings to sustain the life of his daughter during the years she was struggling against leukemia. He and others had given Megan numerous priesthood blessings and offered numerous prayers to try to heal her during her long and painful ordeal. After all these pleadings for God to spare her life, after their daughter had been in great pain for some time, he and his wife felt inspired to "release" Megan from what they believed were life-sustaining influences of the previous blessings. This was their way of letting God know that they were ready to accept that God's will might be to allow her to die and to be released from all her pain. In Latter-day Saint practice, a blessing to release other blessings is an extremely rare event, done only in extremely unusual situations, and likely only under the influence of inspiration from the Holy Spirit, that Latter-day Saints believe can give a person guidance from the Lord.(8)

 [Megan had] been in a lot of pain from this infection, and they'd given her
 a painkiller, and it didn't always work. It would work for a while, and
 then it wouldn't. That morning we'd been wrestling with the doctors and
 nurses trying to get her more painkiller, and nothing was happening, and
 she was just crying for me to give her some sort of relief. I was helpless.
 What could I do? Sandra said, "Release her from her blessings," and I
 thought, "You know, that's the only thing that I can do for her." So I laid
 my hands on her head and released her from all the blessings that she'd
 been given, and it was an hour later that she died. Up till that point
 there was no clue she was so close to death. I really feel that releasing
 her from her blessings did something, because although she had been
 plugging along and slowly losing the battle, it really surprised me that
 she could go from okay to gone in a mere hour. One of the most tender
 moments I may have ever had was holding her after she was finally gone. She
 had been in such pain that we hadn't been able to hug or hold her for a
 week and a half. She was so sensitive that if you sat down on the bed next
 to her, it hurt just from the motion of the sheets against her skin. This
 infection was spreading all through her tissues, making her red and swollen
 everywhere. But after she was gone, the nurse disconnected all the tubes
 and wires, and I got to pick her up and hug her and hold her. It was very
 much like holding my Megan, as if she were only asleep. As a matter of
 fact, as I picked her up, the shifting caused her diaphragm to move, and a
 little sigh escaped her lips. I knew it wasn't Megan doing it, but it was
 Megan's sigh. It really sounded like Megan. That's kind of funny.... but
 that may actually have been the closest I ever felt to Megan, and she
 wasn't even there. She might have been in the room....

These parents believed that if their daughter were released from all the previous blessings she had received, if it was God's will, she would soon die. This illustrates the profound love this father and mother have for their daughter, since they were willing to let her go, rather than keep her on earth any longer under such persistent agony. They affirmed their religious belief that they could be with her again in the next life, so they were not saying goodbye forever.(9)

Accepting Help from the Church. Stress theory and research suggest that crises, such as the birth of a special-needs child, can be more easily met if one has abundant resources to meet the demands of the situation (Dollahite, 1991). Religious communities can provide significant resources for parents trying to be generative (Dollahite, Slife, & Hawkins, 1998). Faith communities can serve as a "healing community" (Bishop, 1985) and a source of strength for parents of a special-needs child (Bennett et al., 1995; Webb-Mitchell, 1993). Latter-day Saint belief strongly emphasizes the importance of self-reliance and helping others as part of one's religious responsibilities, and LDS men are encouraged to give service and assistance to others in many tangible and intangible ways. Accepting help from others may be difficult for men who believe they should be self-reliant. Thus, being willing to accept help when needed can be a challenging but necessary part of :fathering a child with special needs. A religious community can provide moral, spiritual, social, and tangible support (even when a father may be distanced from its direct personal influence). This next narrative is from a father who initially perceived that his family had not been accepted into his new neighborhood and religious community, but later realized his perception may not have been accurate.

 We were kind of the outcasts in [a very religious] neighborhood, because
 I'm a truck driver and I didn't go to church, so I wasn't active [in a
 church]. We had a lot of people that sort of turned up their noses and
 ignored us, and hoped we'd go away, but we didn't and stayed around. It was
 surprising to see [after the birth of a special-needs child] how many of
 them were like us. It was more of a perceived wall that wasn't really
 there. We've had people slip ... cash under the door, and we have no clue
 who it was. It's been really neat.

The father who relates this next account gratefully received help after the birth of his special-needs son, who long remained in infant intensive care. The help came from unlikely "angels," teenage girls and boys:

 We went to the hospital every night for ten weeks and we had a lot of help
 from the youth in the ward [congregation]. A different youth would come to
 our home every night and watch our kids for the two-and-a-half hours that
 we went to the hospital. I think it was very positive for the youth, also.
 We had different youth nearly every time, and I think they looked at it as
 a service. In fact, a lot of them that volunteered to come were the young
 men.

This next father called upon his religious leader in the middle of the night to come and assist him in giving his wife a blessing while his wife was still pregnant with their child that they knew would be born with significant disabilities:

 My wife went into the hospital after being transferred, ... but before she
 delivered McKay and she knew the condition of his body, she had the faith
 to ask me for a blessing. I called up our bishop at 2:00 in the morning and
 said, "Bishop, I need you down here".... He came over, and we gave Alison
 the blessing, and at that time she was blessed that McKay would live and
 that things would work out.... I felt impressed to say those things, but I
 think that more than that my wife was prepared to hear those things.

Generative fathering involves the realization that no father can always meet the needs of all his children. In such times, fathers must actively accept assistance for the good of their children, themselves, their spouses, and even the good of those who are serving. Faithful fathering includes establishing and maintaining meaningful connections with a supportive community so that one's child will have the many benefits which that community provides.

CONCLUSIONS AND IMPLICATIONS

In summary, these LDS fathers strived to help their children with special needs by drawing on the hope and strength their faith gave them to choose to care for their child, to focus on dealing with daily challenges, to build love between them and their child through play, to overcome the anxieties and griefs they experienced, to try to heal and comfort their child through priesthood blessings, and to be willing to accept help from their religious communities.

There are several conclusions and implications from this research. The fathers from our sample provide a clear contrast to the long prevalent image in prior literature of special-needs fathers as being beset by despair and likely to abandon their families. This "deficit perspective" on fathers (Hawkins & Dollahite, 1997) is by no means limited to special-needs fathering. Fatherwork with special-needs children should and can be as wonderful and varied as special-needs kids themselves are. Fathers of special-needs children are ordinary men doing both ordinary and extraordinary things, since parents of special-needs kids do the same things other parents do, but usually have added burdens (and, often, added joys).

Although the "conceptual ethic" of generative fathering (Dollahite et al., 1997; Dollahite & Hawkins, 1998, this issue) has been presented as an ideal rather than a descriptive model, the men from this sample seem to father in a way that is consistent with the generative perspective. Probably the most important way this was true is the focus the fathers placed on meeting the needs of their children rather than their own needs or issues. This is consistent with the definition of generative fathering that focuses on fathers working to meet their children's changing needs.

Religion was an important resource for these fathers. It influenced how they coped, the perspective they took, the way they experienced their fathering, and the way they "told their story." Remember that we did not ask these fathers specifically about religious matters, so anything they said was offered spontaneously. They reported how they drew on religious beliefs, practices, and communities, and their narratives suggested that they believed that they received significant assistance in their fathering and that the influence of religion was very positive. Bahr and Bahr (1996) discuss the importance of transcendence as a core dimension of family life. Religious faith is one of the most likely ways that transcendence in family life can be experienced. Religion helped these fathers establish and maintain a deep and meaningful relationship with their children that helped them transcend the very real griefs and challenges of child disability or illness.

These accounts show fathers who have weathered these challenges and who have allowed the spiritual and moral calls from their children and their faith to help them to "turn their hearts to their children" (Malachi 4:6). Generative fathering involves fathers turning their hearts, minds, hands, spirits, and lives to their children in ways that consistently and continually meet the child's needs.

Professionals who work with families of special-needs children report that most parents say that while they would not have chosen to have a child with significant challenges, they would not trade that child for anything; deep meaning and connections have resulted from their experiences. And religious beliefs, practices, and communities can serve as one of the most meaningful resources in helping people transcend the normal questions, doubts, and fears that parents with special-needs children often experience.

While LDS theology and practice is unique in some ways, it shares many elements with other faiths. Nearly all the themes that emerged from our data have analogs in other Judeo-Christian perspectives. This suggests that in any authentic religious tradition there are likely similar types of benefits to fathers facing trying times. These may include faith in something greater than oneself, a coherent set of meanings and explanations for trying times, religious practices that bring continuity, comfort, and connection with God and others, and a community of believers from which to draw encouragement and assistance. Yet there are likely also unique benefits from different religious perspectives as well. For fathers in this study, their belief in a literal bodily resurrection in which disabilities and diseases would be done away with and their belief in the potential for family relationships to last beyond death seemed particularly important to them. In addition, these fathers' belief in their ability to access directly divine power and inspiration through priesthood blessings provided them with a way to connect with and serve their child.

Our work is relevant to the growing "men's movement" that now includes a number of religious groups and has been successful in influencing broader religious institutions as well. National groups like Promise Keepers and the St. Joseph Covenant Keepers, as well as local religiously-sponsored men's and father's support groups, are part of the larger men's movement, but are unique in placing at the center of focus men's moral and religious obligations and commitments. Many men find purpose, direction, moral guidance, support, and a chance to make a meaningful contribution to others through their religious communities. We believe that religious traditions and institutions can have significant lasting impact on encouraging men to be responsible, involved, caring, faithful, generative fathers (Dollahite et al., 1998), and that those who work with fathers should facilitate religious devotion and connection for the good of fathers and children.

This study suggested ways that religious belief and practice are related to fathering a special-needs child for fathers in one faith. There is much need for future research on the influence of religion in general on fathering. That work should try to better specify the particular ways that various religious beliefs and practices are helpful or hurtful to fathers and should ideally include fathers from a variety of faiths. Studies should try to understand the influence of religious beliefs, practices, and communities in the lives of fathers who are dealing with a variety of challenging circumstances.

NOTES

(1.) All names were changed, unless participants specifically requested otherwise. (Megan's father requested that we use her name so she would be remembered, and we chose to honor that request.)

(2.) The importance of choice or agency is also taught in both the Bible (e.g., Joshua 24:14) and the Book of Mormon (e.g., 2 Nephi 2:27). Latter-day Saint religious belief includes the importance of using one's "moral agency" to do good for others in general, and one's family members in particular.

(3.) Taking life one day at a time is not only a type of folk wisdom, but is also found in Christian teachings. In Matthew 6:34, Jesus counseled, "Take no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

(4.) Heintzman, Van Andel, and Visker (1994) have made the somewhat counterintuitive case that leisure and play are important to Christianity. Consistent with this, Latterday Saint faith and practice emphasizes the value of play to the extent that LDS fathers are encouraged to play with their children in various ways. The church sponsors many recreational activities, and most LDS chapels have a basketball court and a stage for theatrical performances. The Proclamation on the Family by the First Presidency and Council of Twelve Apostles of the Church mentions that successful family life includes "wholesome recreational activities."

(5.) In relation to this, Jesus said that his followers should "become as little children" (Matt. 18:3), and when fathers play with their children, they are becoming like them as they bond with them.

(6.) Latter-day Saints believe that sacred ordinances performed in LDS temples allow marriage and family relationships to transcend death and last eternally.

(7.) Although this LDS practice is unique in some ways, the practice of the father naming and/or blessing his child has parallels in broader Christianity (christening, dedication of infants), in Judaism (circumcision), in Islam (the Shiite bestowal of the sacred name), and in other traditions and cultures. These sacred practices are meaningful partly because of the father-child bond they foster.

(8.) "A fundamental doctrine of the [LDS] Church is a belief that a worthy priesthood bearer, when giving a priesthood blessing, will receive promptings from the Holy Spirit regarding what is to be spoken--not necessarily the exact words, but ideas or thoughts that he will express as clearly as he can in his own words" (Ludlow, 1992, p. 129).

(9.) This story illustrates the challenge it sometimes is to present respectfully sacred or religious experiences in social science scholarship. For some, it is an example of a story that may be too personal or too sacred to tell. We were concerned about this issue and wanted to honor this father's trust by asking him if he felt this story was too sacred to be included in this publication. He expressed that he was happy to have this experience told, and he read and said that our interpretation of it was accurate.

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David C. Dollahite is an associate professor of family sciences, adjunct associate professor of religious education, and founder of the Institute for Faithful Fathering at Brigham (Young University, Provo, Utah. He received an M.S. in marriage and family therapy from BYU and a Ph.D. in family social sciences from the University of Minnesota. He has served as co-chair of the Men in Families Focus Group of the National Council on Family Relations and is president of the Utah Council on Family Relations. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Marital and Family Therapy. He and his wife, Mary, have six children. (Dave_Dollahite@byu.edu)

Loren D. Marks is a graduate student in family sciences and human development at Brigham Young University. His primary research interest is the influence of religious beliefs on fathers. He has presented on this topic at state and national conferences. Marks plans to begin doctoral work in family studies next fall. He is married and is the father of one child.

Michael M. Olson is a second year master's student in marriage and family therapy at Brigham Young University. He will begin his doctoral work in marriage and family therapy at Kansas State University in the fall of 1998. His research interests include fathering--in particular, how fathers of children with special needs are able to meet their children's needs in such challenging circumstances. Olson is married to Camille Springer Olson, and they have one child, Taylor.

The authors are grateful for research support funds from the Camilla E. Kimball Chair of Home and Family Life and the College of Family, Home, and Social Sciences at BYU. We would like to thank Alan Hawkins, Edward Kimball, Darwin Thomas, Don Swenson, Wade Horn, and Allison Marchant for helpful comments and suggestions and Katie Baird for editorial assistance on a previous draft. We express special thanks to Karen Hahne, Director of Kids On the Move, for allowing us to interview fathers who participated in her program. Above all, we are grateful to the fathers who took time to open their homes to us and share their stories.

Correspondence concerning this article should he sent to David C. Dollahite, Department of Family Sciences, Brigham Young University, Provo, UT 84602, or dave_dollahite@byu.edu.