Couples in Conflict: A Family Systems Approach to Marriage Counseling.

Beck, John

Couples in Conflict: A Family Systems Approach to Marriage Counseling. By Ronald W. Richardson. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2010. ISBN: 978-0-80069628-3. x and 249 pages. Paper. $25.

Richardson's previous books have helped shape my approach to ministry, as has this volume, which consists of two parts: an introduction to couples therapy alongside a primer on the main elements of Bowen Family System Theory, followed by a quite detailed case study of "Martha and George." Richardson chronicles their highly conflicted marriage, systematically unfolding his approach as he tells their story through narrative and verbatim excerpts from their several-year journey. His approach to his clients, like his narrative style, is enlightening and easy to read.

Richardson offers a succinct, practical primer on many Bowen concepts. His sections on anxiety and emotional systems are quite elegant and particularly helpful. For example, in his discussion of "Emotion, Thinking and Feeling in Bowen Theory" (17-20), he suggests that if we recognize ourselves as part of powerful of emotional systems we "have a better chance of managing our selves, of being different in our relationships, and of developing some degree of mastery over our automatic emotionality." His distinctions, especially between emotion, feeling, thinking and emotionality, help clarify that Bowen was not against human feeling as he is sometimes accused. Pastors who can recognize the systemic patterns in their own families and in the families of the congregation have a powerful tool for promoting healthier functioning, especially with couples in conflict.

For most families, when a difficulty occurs in the relationship system, one of four processes kicks in: (1) emotional distance; (2) marital conflict; (3) emotional, social, or physical dysfunction in one partner; or (4) projection of anxiety to a child (69). Richardson shows how all these responses become part of pastoral work with conflicted couples. As couples discover awkward differences in their relationships, they utilize patterns from their earlier lives to try to navigate the rapids. Richardson's aim in the therapy is to help clients slow their automatic triggers, while encouraging greater self-focus. His four counseling goals are: reducing anxiety, altering the emotional climate, being in charge of process, and tracking the emotional process. Tracking refers to "how people get from the perception of what the other has done or said to the decision to behave a certain way in response. I want to introduce the idea that there are choice points in the process" (127).

Richardson has invited me to slow down and pay more attention to the steps of interactional processes, both my own internal process and those of the couples I work with. For this I am grateful.

John Beck

Lebanon Lutheran Church, Chicago