Moving away, against and toward God: Karen Horney's neurotic trends and relationship to God.

Parker, Stephen ; Dewberry, Justin ; Lloyd, Brooke 等

In recent years Christian counselors have been offered a variety of lenses for understanding how clients relate to God: attachment theory, object relations theory, faith development theory (e.g., Fowler, 1981; Kirkpatrick, 1992; Rizzuto, 1979). The purpose of this article is to demonstrate the usefulness of Horney's (1945) characterization of three "neurotic trends" as a way for the Christian counselor or therapist to understand a person's way of relating, especially to God. More specifically, this article will help counselors and therapists to identify the fears and anxieties that lie behind the adoption of these trends; to recognize these trends when they are manifested in relationships toward God; and to offer suggestions for working with these various patterns as they manifest in Christian clients.

Karen Horney's (1945) well known triad of neurotic attitudes--moving toward, away, and against others--has proved a useful rubric for explaining a variety of human behavior and relationships, including interactions between married couples (Horwitz, 1994; Lyon 1991), parents and children (Feiring, 1984), clients and therapists (Zimmerman, 1956), group therapy members (Maiello, 1996), and employer and employees (Allcorn, 1992). However, little has been written using this rubric as a means for understanding people's relationships with God (Cooper, 2003; Kirwan, 1984). While several of the post-Freudian theories have been used to expand our understanding of religious behavior and relationships with God, Horney's triad of neurotic attitudes has not seen wide use. The authors of this article propose that Horney's triad of neurotic trends provides a useful and simple rubric for assessing religious behavior and will prove an effective, yet easy to use diagnostic tool for Christian counseling and therapy.

Although Horney's language of neurotic trends belongs to an earlier time and a particular theoretical perspective, current therapists may benefit from her insights by thinking of these trends as interpersonal or relational patterns. Alternately, they might be seen as coping styles or ways of viewing self, others and world. Those with an interest in attachment theory may find her categories a useful adjunct to the various attachment styles.

Horney's Three Neurotic Trends

In her early work, Horney (1937, 1942) initially described ten neurotic needs. Later, these were grouped together and modified to reflect three neurotic trends or stances in relationships with others (1945). Horney dubbed these patterns moving toward, moving away and moving against others. These patterns of relating were considered neurotic because of the disproportionate, indiscriminant, and compulsive ways in which they were employed. It was the inflexible and exclusive use of a single pattern that Horney saw as unhealthy.

It is important to keep in mind that for Horney (1945), all of these trends are neurotic; that is, they are unhelpful ways of relating. Thus, while one might assume in common sense language that moving toward God would be a good thing, while moving against or moving away from God would be bad, for Horney, moving toward (others or God) is also neurotic when characterized by certain compulsive and inflexible attitudes.

By the same token, all of these patterns can have a measure of healthy relating when used with flexibility and in appropriate regard to setting (Horney, 1945). For instance, the hostility and competitiveness that accompanies the tendency to move against others can foster an appropriate desire to be strong and avoid over-dependence in certain relationships. Similarly, the submissive and compliant behavior of moving toward others, when used in proportion with other interaction styles, can foster the normal human needs for belonging and connection. All people employ these three interpersonal solutions to some extent, and the normal person is able to integrate and balance the use of these solutions rather than exclusively use one pattern.

For Horney (1945), people employ these various ways of relating as a way to cope with the sense of being "isolated and helpless" in a hostile environment (p.41). Inevitable failures in the child's environment (what she called "basic evil"--Horney, 1937, p. 80) create a basic anxiety in the child. To cope with this foundational anxiety a child engages in the various interpersonal strategies of moving toward, moving against, or moving away from others.

In employing Horney's three-fold pattern there is always some danger of oversimplifying complex human strivings and interactions. One must remember that these three patterns were a way of gathering together a longer list of ten neurotic needs which offer expanded insight into the patterns involved with the three trends. See Table 1 for an arrangement of how these earlier needs are grouped together under the three trends. One also must remember that these three patterns might co-exist in a single person so that one could be described as moving away from others in some areas of life while primarily characterized as moving against in others.

While these neurotic trends manifest in a variety of ways, one key manifestation is the creation of an idealized self that embodies the shoulds, musts, and oughts that one desires to live up to and be (Horney, 1950). Horney once famously spoke of the "tyranny of the should" (p. 65). The idealized self will vary with each trend because the imagined ideal is different for each. For instance, the idealized self of those characterized by moving away is a self free from dependency on others, someone who remains serene and aloof at all times, able to be unmoved by strong emotions. These manifestations of the idealized self will be explored further in the section on working with each neurotic trend.

The Neurotic Trends in Relationship to God

Since these patterns form a person's basic ways of relating, it is understandable that they would manifest in a person's relationship with God. A basic anxiety about feeling isolated and helpless in relationship to God also may develop into these various maladaptive neurotic trends. This section describes ways in which these patterns might manifest in one's relationship with God.

Moving Away From God

This style of relating is characterized by an emotional detachment toward others and a fierce need for independence. Also known as the resignation or withdrawal solution, in this pattern the environment is experienced as intrusive and the characteristic style of interaction to defend against the anxiety generated by this intrusion is to withdraw from others. There is a great fear of needing or being dependent on others and intimacy is anticipated and experienced as very threatening. Because of these fears and discomfort, the moving away person has a great need to be self-sufficient and to not need others; one would rather avoid pleasure than rely on others for enjoyment (Horney, 1942, 1945).

This type of person is not motivated by desire for belonging. Such a one often feels misunderstood and as though one does not have much in common with others. It is quite common for this type of person to be uncertain about what is to be believed, enjoyed, despised, and feared. Although it may appear that this person maintains positive interactions with others, often there is deep anxiety over these interactions. This individual avoids those things the moving against person thrives on such as competition and prestige. There is a major need for privacy; this person is surrounded by secrecy and finds personal questions intrusive. In contrast to the moving toward type, this person prefers to sleep, eat, and work in solitude (Horney, 1945).

This person has a great sensitivity to anything similar to persuasion and obligation. Lasting commitments are avoided which makes extended contracts and marriage difficult. Advice is experienced as control and listened to with resistance even if compatible with one's desires. A tendency to restrain and deny emotions is reflected in attitudes toward others; to love or hate someone would result in feelings that are too intense, and signal that one is too close to another. One with this interaction style, while ordinarily quiet and rational, may experience intense anger or become abusive and offensive if one's autonomy is threatened. This individual is surrounded by an impenetrable barrier designed to protect against the strain that relationships can foster (Horney, 1945).

In terms of relationship to God, one might see this trend in those who find trouble committing to God. God, like others, may be experienced as intrusive, as frightening or threatening with demands for intimacy or as needing more than the person is willing to give. Emotional distance or detachment toward God becomes the way to cope with the basic anxiety around these fears of dependence and intimacy.

Those who detach from God, like those who create emotional distance with others, might be fleeing an anticipated hurt from God. Perhaps this individual decides it is better to stay away from God rather than be hurt by God. Past occurrences such as abuse, violence, financial strain, death, and physical or mental illness may have caused this type of person to wonder why God allowed such hardships. This type of person might also wonder why God did not intervene to prevent such agonies. This person begins to think that if God really cared, God would have done something to bring aid in the person's time of need. The moving away person has been disappointed by God (cf. Yancey, 1988), and the way to cope with this disappointment is through emotional distance.

Another way one might see this style is in the Christian tendency towards self-sufficiency. This individual may believe one must learn to depend and rely on the self since God was not present in the past. Dependence, even on God, implies a type of inferiority for this person. The very nature of Christianity, with its encouragement to trust in God, puts one in a dependent relationship which feels at odds with the independent resignation one lives by in the manifestation of the moving away trend. This person is apt to think God especially values independent children who ask for little. Thus, petitionary prayer may feel strange to such a person.

Other ways that this style of relating might manifest in Christians include the one who does not want people in the church invading one's private space. Requests to serve on committees or to be in contact with others would be experienced as psychically threatening and thus avoided. For the worship service, this person might arrive late, tend to sit near the back, and exit soon after services are over, so that contact with others is minimal. Since contact with others is frightening, this type of person will remain uninvolved in many of the church's activities. In a like manner, the person with this style of relating would find it hard to commit. Such a one would see others as needing that which one does not wish to give: time and interaction.

Moving Against God

A chief characteristic of this style of relating is aggression or hostility toward others. Such hostility is a defense against the perceived hostility in others. That is, in this style of relating, the basic anxiety is experienced as powerful and hostile; the characteristic response is to fight back. The person who employs this style of relating implicitly distrusts the feelings and motives of others. Such a person fears weakness in oneself and despises weakness in others. Also known as the expansive or aggressive solution, in this style of relating, one seeks to overpower others and become stronger as a means of protection. This person considers the world a place where the best equipped survive and the strong destroy the weak. This type of relating is characterized by competition, control, and a demand for power and prestige. This attitude may be obvious at times, but also may be masked by a facade of sophisticated courtesy, impartiality, and good companionship. But such behavior is also characterized by the compulsivity of all the neurotic styles. This person's main need becomes dominating others. This need may be manifested in several ways including placing others under obligation. This person needs to achieve excellence or gain prestige as a way to be strong (Horney, 1945).

External approval is the center of this need. This type of individual possesses a strong need to exploit, overcome, and use others for personal gain. Because this person believes all people act in exploitative and competitive ways, it is important to perform better than everyone else. One employing this style will always be able to identify the presence of greed, determination, and ignorance in others, as this may interfere with accomplishing one's own objectives. Although the intelligence and passion this person places in work makes for an honored employee or entrepreneur, this is deceptive because this person does not have love for or find enjoyment in the work (Horney, 1945).

One might see this style of relating in relationship to God manifest in several ways. For instance, one might move against God because God, like others, is perceived as hostile and antagonistic. God is seen as an unrelenting or vindictive task master against whom one can only rebel. A way to keep from being controlled by such a task master is to be in rebellion against such a master. Conversely, one might work hard in Christian service as a way to ward off a vengeful and hostile God. Service to God and others is done, not with a motive toward helping others so much as in attempts to avoid God's wrath.

Control is a very critical issue for this type of person; they deeply fear a lack of control and experience it as unbearable emotionally. Because control is so important, this type of person is apt to get angry and belligerent when things do not go their way. This need for control can extend even to one's relationship with God. For instance, one might see this style manifest in relationship with God through attempts to make God obligated to one through one's efficient and multiple works. Hard work or perfectionism in character might be tied to attempts to control, exploit and use God. Such persons would see spirituality as some sort of contest which must be won.

Similarly, such a person may perceive God as unwilling to use one because one is such a dreadful sinner, fearing God's anger because one is not good enough to live up to Godly standards. This type of person might choose to consistently and deliberately participate in a sinful lifestyle. Or the person might rebel by knowingly choosing not to fulfill a God-given task or calling. This person purposely neglects to use talents and gifts. Such a one believes that by rebelling against God, one can be protected from God's wrath. That is, one may seek to hurt God before being hurt by God.

Moving Toward God

While moving away and moving against are more easily seen as "neurotic" responses, moving toward seems intuitively less neurotic to many people. However, it is important to keep in mind, that Horney (1945) also includes this among the neurotic responses. The neurotic character of this style of relating is in the indiscriminant and exclusive use of this style of relating as a way to cope with the experience of basic anxiety. Also known as the self-effacing or compliance solution, in this style of relating, the basic anxiety is experienced as unpredictable, overwhelming or overpowering, and the characteristic way of coping is to submit or comply, becoming dependent on others. This person fears being abandoned by others and so complies or submits to the demands of the other as a way to keep the other from leaving. In this style of relating, the person seeks constant approval from others as an assurance that the other finds them pleasing. This person deeply fears being abandoned and left to overwhelming circumstances.

Because the threat of the other's leaving always seems to be a possibility, one using this interaction style fears one's own aggression since it might drive the other to leave. Such a person represses anger and angry feelings, or often turns such anger inward upon oneself, as depression or self-denigration. Often, one allows others to denigrate or to use one much like the proverbial doormat. But this is preferred to feeling alone. Complying with the desires of others becomes the exclusive means to gain the affections and support of others; it makes one feel less fragile and isolated, even if more dependent. This person must feel liked, accepted, needed, cared for, and safe. Such a one tends to overlook personal feelings and provides for others what oneself desires. Thus, at times, the motive behind the moving toward behaviors may be the desire to manipulate others into caring for oneself. When this fails to achieve its objective sufficiently, there may be hidden aggression (Horney, 1945).

Individuals who exhibit this pattern attempt to relieve the anxious need for protection from relational disappointments by moving toward God in search of love and affection. A person who relates to God in a neurotic moving toward pattern may appear to have many Christian attributes. One may be utterly dependent on God, never express anger toward God, rigidly avoid sin to avoid displeasing God, always appear humble and generous, blindly and perhaps irrationally give more to God, and feel that any endeavor in which God does not appear to be present is worthless.

Yet such behavior may be motivated by a deep anxiety of being abandoned by God if one expresses any personal feelings. One way this style might manifest among Christians includes the person who can never get angry. One might even seek to justify this with a theology that prohibits the expression of anger in Christians (ignoring Paul's comment about being angry but without sinning--Ephesians 4:26). This person might try to compensate for angry feelings by being super nice. Similarly, because this person is constantly seeking the approval of others, this person might be unable to say "no" to any request made by the pastor or church members.

Additionally, this person may have difficulty accepting grace from God to the point that displeasing God would be a shattering experience. However, one might surmise that underneath the appearances, a moving toward individual hides aggression and a need to manipulate and control God. There is a lack of awareness of this need, and hard work is put into avoiding such feelings. Ultimately feelings of being mistreated by God show only in the person's overall discontentment as well as physical symptoms like stomach problems or headaches. The characteristics that are truly admired in God are those one lacks including God's power, perceived ambition, and ego-drive (Horney, 1945).

Conversely, this trend might manifest in relationship to God through the tendency of this pattern to believe one is weak and helpless. If one is utterly helpless and weak, then one need not be counted on; failure belongs not to one's own lack of effort, but to God. As with

relationships with others, there also may be hidden aggression or desires to manipulate God that lurk behind such feelings.

Working With Clients Who Manifest the Various Trends

Working with the various neurotic trends is aided by an awareness of the dynamics that lie behind each of the interactions styles. Understanding these dynamics gives insight into the way God is apt to be perceived in relationship to the person. From an understanding of the intrapsychic dynamics counselors can understand the aspects of God that may have been overlooked, or missed experientially, in the person's experience. Clinically, we may use a client's position in relationship to God as a form of insight into an expression of one's essential psychological needs. This section will identify some of these aspects and suggest ways to work with the various neurotic trends. These ways include identifying the idealized self that accompanies each neurotic trend, the extent to which God is experienced as endorsing or demanding these idealized selves, and exploring a client's identifications with biblical characters that illustrate the various interaction styles as a way to address the anxiety surrounding these neurotic styles.

One must remember that what makes all the styles "neurotic" is the compulsive activity used to ward off the deep fears of isolation and helplessness (Horney, 1945). Work with these types of clients will involve helping to free such individuals from the compulsive nature of the interactions associated with each style, whether that be compulsive volunteering for church jobs (the moving toward style), compulsive hostility and need for control (the moving against style), or compulsive withdrawal and self-sufficiency (the moving away style).

In reflecting upon the idealized self that accompanies each of these neurotic trends, it is important to remember that for Horney (1950), the idealized self is a psychological construction that allows one to escape the deep (basic) anxiety connected with the real self. That is, one's idealized self is an anxiety defense that often becomes tyrannical and insatiable.

Those Moving Away from God

In the moving away trend, the basic anxiety is experienced as intrusive so that the characteristic coping style is that of withdrawal from others. This person is well-defended against strong feelings. Thus, one might read Scripture or sing songs, but these no longer motivate or inspire because one has become emotionally numb, perhaps from disappointments with God. But the expression of such disappointment has no outlet, and so one moves away from the deep feelings that surround such experiences, and away from the God who allowed them. God, like others, may be experienced as intrusive and oppressively demanding.

The idealized self that accompanies this style of relating is one that is wise, self-sufficient, competent, serene, unflappable, and free of dependency on others (Horney, 1950). Christians who struggle with these anxieties often experience God as endorsing or requiring such idealized self-images.

In working with this type of client, one can help them to become familiar with the inviting side of God, the God who is "present" in all things, even when not rescuing one. Such clients need to learn to experience intimacy and connection with God and others as rewarding and non-threatening. As Crabb (1988) notes, sincere salvation and transformation into the new Christian nature calls for the willingness and courage to let down self-protective layers. This is not always easy but one can be encouraged in this direction. As part of this, Christian clients can be encouraged to express feelings, disappointments, even numbness to God rather than deny or retreat from such feelings.

Scripture examples that might invite dialogue around these issues include a person's identifications with characters like Jonah, who obviously moves away from God and from having to interact with those of Ninevah. Jonah demonstrates the moving away themes of avoiding attachment and being unwilling to put himself in a place of dependence on God, at least initially. He may have feared the people's response more than he was willing to rely on God's protection. In the New Testament, the young ruler might illustrate one who moves away from Christ's invitation, finding it too demanding (Matt 19; Mark 10; Luke 18). Similarly, Agrippa in the book of Acts moves away from further involvement with Paul and the Christians (Acts 26). Both of these might illustrate the trouble of committing to others and provide opportunity to dialogue with clients about God's demands and one's idealized self-images.

Those Moving Against God

In the moving against trend, the basic anxiety is experienced as hostile, often powerful, so that the characteristic style of relating is to fight back, or to fight the other preemptively. This style of relating is characterized by a fear of weakness in self, and often a despising of weakness in others. This person is highly competitive and demands to have power and prestige as a way to avoid the fears attendant to their absence (Horney, 1945).

The idealized self that accompanies this trend is one that is smarter, tougher, stronger, never soft, free of weakness, perfect, especially in self-mastery and control; the hero that everyone recognizes for his or her achievements (Horney, 1950). For the Christian, God is often experienced as desiring and requiring this kind of idealized and perfect self. However, a God who demands absolute strength and perfection also is experienced as a hostile God if these qualities are not present.

In working with this type of person, the goal is for the individual to come to understand and experience God (and others) as one who is not out to get them. One must find ways to introduce the moving against person to the 'nonretaliatory' side of God. A person may adopt this style because one cannot see oneself as winning against a hostile God. Conversely, one may vacillate between seeing oneself as a dreadful sinner who is rightly in need of God's punishment.

Scripture examples that might help a person explore this interaction style might include Cain and his actions. Cole (1978) outlines Cain's moving against tendency by showing that he offers the fruits of his own labors in an attempt to please God. Cain's hostile action in killing his brother reflects a moving against pattern of distrust and rejection. In the New Testament, examples might include Herod's actions against the child Jesus as a moving against (Matt 2). Similarly, some of the actions of the Jewish leaders could be seen as moving against the actions of God in Jesus (Acts 5). They might also be illustrations of those who fear loss of control; the obsessive attachment to rules might be seen as a way to maintain control in relationships with others (cf. Jesus' comment about burdening the people--Luke 11:46).

Those Moving Toward God

What makes this style of relating to God neurotic is the compulsive activity designed to avoid being abandoned by God. The basis for this response to God is the fear of being separated from God during a difficult situation. For the moving toward person, God is experienced as fickle and/or overpowering.

The idealized self associated with this neurotic trend is one that is selfless, never presumptuous, always generous, is free of conflict, never "prideful," and always sees the best in everyone, no matter how malicious (Horney, 1950). Again, the reasons for such beneficent behaviors is to avoid the terrifying anxiety that comes from thinking one might be abandoned by the other. For the Christian, God is apt to be experienced as inflexibly requiring the qualities of such an idealized self.

In working with this type of person, one can be alert to ways that this trend might manifest in the person's spiritual life. For instance, those with this interaction style might compulsively volunteer for all kinds of church activities as a way to guard against the feelings of abandonment. One must help this individual find the steadfast presence of God, the God who is not threatened or destroyed by one's anger or who does not retaliate for one's failures to get all things right. This person needs help to re-discover the joy and freedom to worship, read Scripture, and pray without an overwhelming anxiety regarding slipups in regimen around these activities.

One might be especially sensitive regarding those suffering from depressive symptoms. Moriarty (2006) describes the tendency of depressed Christians to become overly compliant to God. This struggle to comply can be especially salient in those with a neurotic trend of moving toward. In a slavish preoccupation with winning God's approval, a depressed Christian might put him/herself in the position to be overwhelmed by church, family, and work duties while never voicing distress, frustration, or pain to God. This reaction stems from the fear that any negative response to God would lead to rejection by God. Therefore, praise, thanks, and a deeper commitment to please God are the most common expressions that are made while the deepest and most honest needs are suppressed.

When one looks for Scriptural examples that a client might identify with to discover something of one's own interactional style, one might point to Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) or Simon Magus (Acts 8) as examples of those with some of the tendencies characteristic of this type. Ananias and Sapphira illustrate those who want others to be pleased with them, who appear compliant with the apostle's instructions but whose heart is not in it. Simon is illustrative of one who has an underlying desire to manipulate the others and the power of God to serve his own ends. This type of devotion may have been driven by an anxiety that if one is not thought well by others, one is utterly alone or abandoned. Similarly, one might identify certain characteristics of Saul of Tarsus, before his conversion as having moving toward characteristics in his relationship with God. While he clearly manifests neurotic moving against tendencies in his relationship with others (cf. Acts 7, 9), his hostility towards the early Christians might be seen as an anxiety motivated attempt to gain favor and power with God.

Concluding Comments

It is important to remember that all of these trends have a measure of health in them. When not characterized by a disproportionate and indiscriminate compulsivity, the moving against style enables one to be strong and to achieve, the moving away style facilitates appropriate self-determination and competence, and the moving toward style engenders a tenderness toward and an ability to get along with others. Healthiness involves being able to use all three rather than exclusively and inflexibly relying on one solution.

Although it risks imposing categories onto the biblical text to identify examples of someone who blends all three perspectives appropriately, one might point to the character of Job as an illustration of someone alternately able to express tempered autonomy, understandable anger, and utter trust and dependency. Thus at various times, Job is seen to move away from God ("Let me alone" [7:16]), against God ("Why have you made me your mark?" [7:20]), and toward God ("I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes" [42:6]) without becoming locked into an inflexible and singular pattern.

In terms of one's relationship with God, this type of flexibility would suggest that a healthy relationship would be one in which all three movements have the potential to be present. These three solutions work as a flexible interrelated system with each other, with no one style of coping being used compulsively or indiscriminately when relating to God. Perhaps one moves toward God in seeking to understand and accept God's providence; at other times one might move against God by testing the limits of the relationship through questionings; while at other times, one may move away from God to find the detachment necessary to separate God from one's projections about God.

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Stephen Parker

Justin Dewberry

Brooke Lloyd

Jessica R. Smith

Regent University

Correspondence regarding this article should be sent to Stephen Parker, Ph.D., School of Psychology and Counseling, Regent University, 1000 Regent University Dr., Virginia Beach, VA 23464; steppar@regent.edu.

Authors

Stephen Parker (Ph.D. in Theology and Personality Studies, Emory University) is Professor in the School of Psychology and Counseling, Regent University. He is a licensed professional counselor and former chaplain at a psychiatric hospital. His research interests include models of spiritual/religious development and the interface of theology and personality theory.

Justin Dewberry is a third year doctoral student in the clinical psychology program at Regent University. His interests are organizational development, program evaluation, and talent management.

Brooke Lloyd is a third year doctoral student in the clinical psychology program at Regent University. Her interests are in marriage and family therapy and ADHD research.

Jessica R. Smith is a third year doctoral student in the Clinical Psychology program at Regent University. Her interests include group therapy, working with the juvenile population, and theories and practical implementation of models of religious development. Table 1 Horney's Ten Neurotic Needs Arranged under the Three Neurotic Trends Moving Toward Moving Against Moving Away (Self-Effacing (Expansive, Aggressive (Resignation, Compliance Solution) Solution) Withdrawal, Detachment Solution) 1. The neurotic 4. The neurotic need 3. The neurotic need need for affection for power, control, to restrict one's x and approval. omnipotence and/or to narrow boundaries. perfection. 2. The neurotic 9. The neurotic need need for a 5. The neurotic need for self-sufficiency "partner" who will to exploit others. and independence. take over one's life. 6. The neurotic need 10. The neurotic need for social for perfection and 3. The neurotic need recognition or unassailability. to restrict one's prestige. life within narrow boundaries 7. The neurotic need for personal admiration. 8. The neurotic ambition for personal achievement. Adapted from Horney (1942, 1945, 1950).