A QUESTION AND ANSWER DISCUSSION WITH MARY PIPHER

On Saturday, Mary Pipher, author of the bestseller "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls" will present a special talk for teenage girls on surviving the turmoil of adolescence.

I recently had the chance to talk with Pipher on the telephone about her work and her presentations (she does about two a month to girls). Here's what she had to say.

Q: What message do you most try to impress upon the girls at the talks you give?

A: Well, there's really two things I try to get across to the girls. First, I want them to know that they have more control over their own lives than they think they do. I tell them to be hopeful. And second, I tell them don't just help yourself, help other people. I want them to leave thinking, `How can I help people in my community?' I want them to know that when they help other people, it's good for the people they help, but it's really good for them too.

Q: What do you think is the biggest problem facing teenage girls today?

A: The biggest problem, I think, facing teenage girls is that they come of age in a junk culture. What I mean by that is, the messages girls are getting, mostly from the media, is telling them that the secret to happiness is consuming -- consuming drugs, consuming products, consuming designer clothes etc. This message is very hurtful to girls.

Q: How does this problem compare with the problems that teenagers faced 20 or 30 years ago?

A: Well, when I was a teenager, 35 years ago, it was, of course, important to be pretty and important to be popular, but there wasn't the amount of mass media that there is today, and the media we did have was less sexual and so much quieter that it's hard to describe to teenagers of the '90s. Also, 30 years ago more girls lived in communities where everyone knew everybody else. People were interconnected. A girl didn't just have her parents, she had her neighbors and her friends' parents, and her friends' neighbors...today, you see that closeness sometimes, but definitely not everywhere.

Q: What is the best way for parents and teachers to help girls succeed?

A: They can help girls develop their talents and expand their interests. Girls should be educated about the culture which they are growing up in, and should be taught ways to cope with stress. If they don't have a positive way to cope with stress, then they find negative ways.

Q: Do you think it's important for girls to have an adult, other than their parents, to talk to?

A: Yes, but it doesn't have to be a therapist, though sometimes it is. Maybe the mom of a good friend or a Girl Scout leader or a neighbor, just somebody who listens to what the girl says and how she feels. Also, I've found that girls who are surrounded by extended family tend to be happier and have a greater sense of belonging.

Q: What is one thing you wish you had known when you were a teenager, that no one ever told you?

A: When I was growing up, I was a bookworm, a serious, idealistic reader and I didn't know lots of people like me. I wish someone had said to me, `When you get to college, you'll meet more people like you.' One of the messages I try to convey in "Reviving Ophelia" and a message that I tell the girls at the talks I give is that, even though it's sometimes hard to believe, LIFE GETS EASIER!

Copyright 1998 Cowles Publishing Company
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