Look at the Lighter Side

Computer lingo is filled with serious-sounding terminology. Networks come down with viruses. Hard drives crash or die. Messages pop up on your screen, warning of fatal errors. Fortunately, everything isn't so solemn in the world of computers, networks, and electronic communications. This month we take a look at some terms that are more of the tongue-in-cheek variety or otherwise have origins on the lighter side.

Sneakernet

No, this isn't the unauthorized use of your employer's computer network to buy comic books on E-bay. Sneakernet refers to the use of a person's feet as a substitute for a computer network. Using the sneakernet approach, you simply store documents or other information on a diskette and then take the diskette from one computer to another as needed. This method can be a lifesaver when a computer network is down for repairs. It can also be a workable substitute, on a small scale, for a network.

Smoke test

This is the first thing you do when a teenage boy appears at your door to take your daughter on a date. Smell his breath; if he's been smoking anything, you decide he's a bad bet for your offspring and send him on his way. Old-fashioned, maybe, but it's a parent's prerogative. In the computer world, a smoke test is also a bit old-fashioned. If you power up an electronic device and smoke pours out, something is wrong! Of course, such a crude test may not indicate the details necessary to fix the thing, but at least you know to unplug it.

Ransom note typography

If you're sitting at your computer at 2:00 a.m., keying in a ransom note, we don't want to know about it. Ransom note typography refers to using too many different fonts within a single document. The allusion comes from the practice of cutting out different-sized letters from newspapers or magazines and pasting them onto a sheet of paper to make ransom demands while concealing a kidnapper's identity. The practice works--at least in the movies--but it isn't pretty. When a computer-generated document features too many font styles, the effect is similar. Those who are inexperienced with desktop publishing often fall into this trap, thinking that if two fonts are attractive, four or six are even better. In truth, simpler is better both in terms of attractiveness and readability.

Kludge

This term calls to mind that old televison series Hogan's Heroes and its ineffective commandant; Colonel Klink. In cyberspeak, it also refers to something a few notches short of perfect. When someone comes up with a poor design or a cumbersome solution to a problem, it may be called a kludge. It's like a high-tech version of a duct tape repair, and the connotation is usually negative.

Bootleg

Remember the stories of Prohibition, when the buying and selling of illegal alcohol made efforts to eliminate drinking about as effective as today's attempts to stop Allen Iverson from scoring? The problem with bootlegging is that it's basically stealing. This may seem insignificant when a single user copies a friend's program, but it's a major problem for software developers. American companies lose millions of dollars due to bootlegging, especially in foreign countries. If you want to make a few million bucks, invent a foolproof way to prevent illegal software duplication.

Unprintable character

Unprintable characters are not related to unforgettable characters. Those are the people you talk about at class reunions or at other nostalgic moments. An unprintable character is information that won't appear in a document once you print it. Normally, such characters serve as commands to the printer, telling it how to format a document. For example, if you hit the "enter" or "tab" key, it will provide the printer with the necessary command to perform these functions. When your document is printed, you don't see the command, just the result.

COPYRIGHT 2001 Quality Publishing
COPYRIGHT 2002 Gale Group