The pains of divorce and exclusion - Back Burner

The devastating plague of sex abuse in our church has brought to light a major underlying factor: the lack of moral accountability on the part of too many priests and bishops. The resulting credibility crisis is leading to a rapidly growing demand that the clergy listen to the pain of our people, not only regarding this central problem, but also to other neuralgic issues that have long afflicted us, One prime candidate for a critical rethinking is the agonizing question of a marriage breakdown, divorce and a subsequent remarriage with, or increasingly without, an annulment. The unreality of the current theological and canonical response screams for reform.

When the divorce rate among North American Catholics is some 38 per cent--the same rate currently among those not of our faith--we have to ask serious questions about the contemporary "signs of the times."

Here are a couple of wrenching testimonies that demand a broader hearing.

"I have carried this problem for 27 years. As a youngster, I was baptized but had no Christian upbringing. An early marriage ended in divorce and, a year later, to fill the religious void in my life, I turned to the Catholic faith and was baptized and confirmed in Vancouver, B.C. When I decided to remarry I was refused marriage in the church, so I got married in a civil ceremony, as a diocesan pastor had advised us.

"Two years ago, as I lay in a Vancouver hospital, the priest who came to my bedside would not even say a short prayer for me because I could not receive communion. We have been trying for years to have our marriage blessed to no avail. It has certainly turned my husband against the system. We have a wonderful marriage, and had I remained in my first marriage, I would be dead. But it seems sad that my husband cannot receive communion, even if they refuse me. I will not give up my faith and prayers to Jesus Christ. I am 61 now, and it often frightens me to think that if we die, who can we turn to? Must we be buried with no service?

"We have discussed this and I would never say I was sorry that I married my husband, and he would never say that he was sorry for marrying me. For this reason, I am not sorry. How could I say such a thing after 27 years of happiness? He's such a wonderful person. I feel very sad about all this, simply because we feel unwanted by the Catholic Church. God bless you, Father, for being so understanding."

Responding to my article on divorce and marriage, a woman wrote:

"I was deeply moved by your article. It stirred within me deep crevasses of pent-up feelings that I have carried for 40 years. Our deeply devout and Catholic family was literally rent asunder by the incident of my sister who had married a divorced Protestant. The shock and cruelty of her being cast from the very pinnacle of the family into a void of hatred and rejection, worse by far than death, quite overwhelmed me, My reaction was to defend her and to condemn the cruelty of that rejection, wrapped in God's goodness though it was. At 20 years of age, I was the only one who had the courage to stand by her.

"If it had only been possible 40 years ago that I could have said these things to someone. But that was utterly impossible. To me, however, what is so marvelous now about that unhappy experience after 40 years--after my mother, father and sister are long gone--I will sit in my son's apartment and read your article. You say to me and to the world all of the things that I said and understood then, but could not express, and your words wash over me like a sea of absolution. I rejoice like a child. I am exhilarated. Suddenly, I have hope for the world. For you say that God is love, that dogma is transitory and that, at a point in its transition, it is cruel and unreasoning.

"I think that is a marvellous thing, and I felt that I had to sit down and tell you about it."

Fr. Jim Roberts writes from Vancouver, B.C.

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