Distract ornery spouse from blues

By KENT S. COLLINS

Q. Winter is coming, and my husband's mood is going down. He used to grouse a lot about the cold weather when he worked. But now that he is retired, the winter weather depresses him. He eats more. He drinks a bit too much. He complains a lot.

What is a retired wife to do --- ignore him, cuddle him or go visit my sister in Rochester? --- Mrs. J.E.

A. Most any lunch-counter psychologist will advise you to distract your husband from the cold weather blues. Give him something else to think about. Give him a good reason to challenge the inconvenience of the weather. That is easier said than done, but here are ideas taken from letters to the Senior Forum, written by retired wives like you: Make a schedule of things to do away from home --- same day, same time each week. Ask him to escort you. Tell him you need his assistance and company. Take him to the library, the supermarket, the senior center, a grandchild's basketball game, a volunteer project. Then ask him to take you to lunch on the way home.

Start a small-scale home improvement project with his help. Tackle a simple painting or picture-hanging project first. Later, ramp up to wallpapering and changing bathroom fixtures.

Go visit your sister, but take your husband with you. Take him to visit family members or an old military buddy.

Travel with him to a place he loves, as a Pennsylvania woman wrote: "We've visited some of the places important in the early years of our marriage --- the resort where we spent our honeymoon, the Colorado Springs hotel where we conceived our first child, the fishing camp in Texas where we long ago vacationed with his parents. All these places had meaning for him, thus a built-in reason to go." Send him back to work. A part-time job might give him a sense of purpose --- and something else to grouse about. Sign on at a workplace together --- for pay or as volunteers.

"Just don't expect him to take your orders," warned one retired wife.

"Expect only that he might follow your lead. If he's depressed and ornery, he won't do what you say, but might agree to what you ask --- for help."

Los Angeles Times Syndicate

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