My life as a human shield

SIX weeks ago mother-of-four Grace Trevett left her home in Britain knowing she may die in the cause of peace.

Grace, 45, is one of 300 people who have travelled to Iraq determined to act as human shields in the event of Allied attacks.

To reach the desert country, Grace and her peace colleagues from the UK endured a gruelling three-week journey in a double decker "peace" bus that took them through France, Italy, Turkey and Syria.

Now she and the other campaigners, from 20 countries all over Europe, plan to camp near key targets such as power stations in an attempt to prevent them being bombed.

Grace's student daughter Cher, 21, pleaded with her mother not to go - and even tried to hide her passport, but to no avail. She says: "I have tried talking her out of it, but there is no doing it. She is a very strong-willed person."

In her remarkably frank diaries, Grace, an artist from Stroud, Gloucs, whose other three children - aged 26, 14 and 12 - live in Chicago with their father, speaks of her terror of what might happen to her, and how she constantly wants to return home. But she also says: "I'm staying. I feel it is just something I have got to do."

This is her diary...

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 15

WE finally arrived at the Iraqi border at 3am. But we had to wait another six hours for our visas to be issued.

As soon as we got in to Iraq we stopped off at a motorway service station. It had a huge TV there where I watched the London peace march.

Staring at the screen I thought "if I wasn't here I would be there too. But I'm not. I'm in Iraq". It was an amazing feeling. Arrived in Baghdad at 8pm and checked into our hotel the Andalus just off Abu Nawas street in the city centre.

We must be the only people in history who celebrated getting into a war zone. I felt like 'Oh my God we made it'.

The food doesn't seem too bad. Most nights it will be a buffet with mezze, including humus, beans and salad. Strangely, beetroot appears to be served with everything. The main courses will be grilled meat such as lamb or chicken kebabs.

There are only two TV channels here. Iraq TV is the main one. It basically tells you what Saddam Hussein has been up to that day.

The other channels show bad soap operas and films that Iraqi satellite systems have illegally intercepted from international satellite channels. Lots of the films are badly dubbed.

Had a simple meal of chicken, rice and salad before collapsing in bed.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 16

THE issue this morning was the amount of organisation which is needed. I still felt weary and brain numb after the journey.

What was interesting was how some people kicked in. How people who had been sat at the back of the bus for three weeks suddenly snapped into life. Ate minced lamb kebabs, rice and vegetables for dinner.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 17

AM slowly finding a sense of normality here. The three weeks of travel on the bus felt like it broke me down. I'm starting to put myself back together. But really felt lousy later on and had an early night with no dinner.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 18

WOKE up still feeling a bit awful, but decided that getting up was better than staying in bed all day. A group of us went to the Saddam Hussein hospital to visit children there.

I felt such a sadness in the eyes of the poor mothers, gazing at their innocent children, in hospital wards where the doctors do not have the drugs to treat them because of the sanctions. I wept.

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 19

HAD breakfast of hubs - the local bread - tea, olives and fetta cheese. There is no milk so we have to drink black tea with lots of sugar in it.

I felt a desperate urge to call my family so went down to local phone exchange and called my daughter. What's very strange is that the man in the exchange dials the number, hands you the receiver, then sits next to you, so you have no privacy.

I'm sure he knew more English than he let on. I told my daughter that I was safe, that the people here are just amazing and to ignore the media.

She told me she felt even better about what I was doing and that she was happy. And then she told me that she was pregnant. 'Wow', I thought. 'I'm a grandma!' There was a big celebration in the phone exchange.

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 20

ONE thing that is increasingly striking me is the powerful role the army have. They are everywhere. It makes me a little uneasy. One of the issues for me about being here is not having any involvement with the military in that way. But realistically it is inevitable.

After all, we are being hosted here. I've spoken to a number of people about this and I am becoming a little more comfortable with those issues. The other thing that strikes me very powerfully is that a lot of Baghdad still seems to be under construction in the wake of the last war.

There is rubble all over the place. There seems to be building work going on everywhere. The sheer size of Baghdad is something as well. It is highly built-up and not at all like Afghanistan. How can Britain and the US consider bombing here?

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 21

LEFT hotel at 6am before trip to Mosul. We flew from Baghdad's Saddam International Airport. I was surprised at how well-kept and modern it was. Mosul airport was the same. It was a 55-minute journey in a really old plane, probably 1970s. The Iraqi air hostesses were very glamorous, although the women here really do wear a lot of make- up - not like in other more traditionally Muslim countries. Went to Mosul hospital. I spoke to doctors and nurses and saw mothers and babies in the most harrowing conditions.

There's a sense that this is a bit of an exhibition though. That we are all walking around looking. Spectators really.With all the photos and filming going on, this is just overexposure. This makes me feel very uncomfortable. There has been some dispute among the Human Shields about whether we should protect sites of cultural and archaeological importance.

We visited a monastery about a 40-minute drive outside Mosul. It was incredible, thousands of years old. There were 18 turns of the winding path to the top where there were the most beautiful and unspoiled views. No buildings. I looked out and thought that the view here can't have changed much since the place was built.

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 22

HAVE a bit of time to ourselves today. I go to an internet cafe to try and send some emails. I am desperate to find out how my family are. but Hotmail is blocked. Apparently we can't access it from here.

Looking forward to tomorrow which will be our first day of shielding. Around 20 of us will be living in an energy plant for a couple of days.

The idea is that we'll spend a few days doing this before coming back and working in hospitals. That is one of the most important things about being here for me.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 23

TODAY is the day the first shields will be deployed at Baghdad South Power station. It is a total media circus outside our hotel.

About 15 volunteers are going to sleep in a room at the electricity production plant until the threat of war has ceased. I have been thinking a lot about which sort of place I would like to deployed at. I'm not sure yet. Something with a community focus - perhaps a school or hospital.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 24

I HAD to go to renew my visa today - the ones we got at the border expire on Friday. This makes me ask how long am I going to stay here. I want to leave today - yet want to stay indefinitely.

Every morning I ask myself what I'm doing here and at night I want to pack up and go. Nevertheless, I go to the Immigration Office and my visa is renewed until March 18.

I really need to buy some new clothes. I only brought two pairs of socks and two pairs of knickers. I wash these every night and put them out on my hotel balcony window. the socks are starting to develop holes.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 25

DID a live interview for GMTV this morning. They wanted to do a link-up with my daughter Cher. But at the last moment she pulls out because of nerves. This relieved me in a way. Another shield I know here did a live TV link-up with her mother and it all got too much. Too emotional. I didn't want that.

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 26

WE had a very fraught discussion at our daily meeting tonight. It has emerged that the Iraqi authorities are paying our hotel bill and other costs. What does that make us? I'm not interested in the government-related aspect of all this. I am here to represent my community.

Some people suggested that we pay for our food, while lots of us are very uncomfortable with the bill being paid for by "our hosts".

I agree that it could be an image problem, but its really a matter for each individual person. Many people do not have the resources to be here otherwise.

But if I had known this was the case I would not have come. We also hear tonight that Winnie Mandela is supposed to be joining us out here as a human shield. This is a bit of a weird thought.

I haven't felt well today - for the second time in a week. Start to ask myself what I'm doing here, whether I'm making a difference.

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 27

DECIDED to have a walk around some of Baghdad's backstreets. I took some pictures. The children have such big smiles and are so friendly. But the women and the elderly are much warier and private. I can understand that they don't want to engage with us.

Some of the shields went to Babylon - site of the Hanging Gardens, one of the wonders of the ancient world. It didn't appeal to me.

I feel a little bit better and eat some plain rice for dinner - the first thing I have managed to eat for several days.

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 28

WE'VE been taking steps to start stockpiling food, water and medical supplies in the event that anything kicks off. The Iraqi authorities have said that some of us can use air raid shelters although I don't feel comfortable with that.

A group of shields left today for the Al-Durah power plant. But I don't know if I'll be here then. It's a terrifying thought.

Copyright 2003 MGN LTD
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