IN OTHER WORDS, TED SIMPLY CAN'T STAND PAT

"Nightline" anchor Ted Koppel, displaying his keen political insight, reveals that President Clinton "is a much older man today."

Oh, yeah, he also has "clearly developed a spine" and could "turn out to be quite a remarkable president," Koppel tells TV Guide.

Bob Dole, on the other hand, has "a sarcastic, edgy sense of humor" that comes off as mean: "It was very hard to love (Richard) Nixon. Obviously, it's very hard to love Bob Dole."

Then there's Pat Buchanan, whose campaign manager/sister, Bay Buchanan, blasted Koppel as a "two-faced, anti-Catholic bigot."

Says Koppel: "This from a candidate who routinely refers to Hispanics as `Jose' in a disparaging fashion, who frequently makes what I perceive to be anti-Semitic references. I don't need to be lectured by Pat Buchanan on bigotry."

Loose talk

Comedian/actor Richard Belzer ("Homicide"), on his greatest fear: "That I'll be stuck in coach class on an airplane next to Newt Gingrich ... on the window seat ... in a holding pattern in the rain over Germany."

And all she wants to do is fly around, Sally

Sally Ride turns 45 today.

We can hardly wait for the swimsuit competition

Bob Dole, who's been showing up sans tie at casual campaign stops, explained his sartorial manuevering in the Washington Post: "It's sort of a game. You need to have two wardrobes with you. You may have to change in an instant."

Next thing you know, there's bimbos everywhere

Living in the White House can be a culinary challenge, Hillary Rodham Clinton told Larry King. She and hubby Bill once tried to order in a pizza, but the parlor "didn't believe it." And you have to be careful what you wish for: "My husband is saying, `Gee, I want a banana,' and the next thing you know, there's bananas everywhere."

That Gennifer Flowers was just a late bloomer

Speaking of bimbos, remember Elizabeth Ray, who won 1970s notoriety for her "secretarial" work with former congressman Wayne Hays? She's a stand-up comic these days ("I still don't know how to type"), describing herself as `a pioneer of sex scandals. I paved the way. I was just ahead of my time."

Which gives new meaning to `judicial restraint'

U.S. District Judge Kimba Wood, dubbed the "Love Judge" for her alleged affair with a married millionaire, has filed for divorce from Time political columnist Michael Kramer, citing "constructive abandonment" - in plain English, no sex. For a whole year, she says.

Like those stickers say, Rush is a rubber band

A Bedford, Va., elementary school has declared Rush Limbaugh's book "The Way Things Ought to Be" off-limits after a teacher found a fourth-grader reading it. The book was open to Chapter 12, titled "Condoms: The New Diplomas."

Copyright 1996 Cowles Publishing Company
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