Change your life in 80 ways 41-80

41. GET MARRIED You and your intended must be at least 16, you can't be the same gender, you can't be married already, and it would help if you were sober during the ceremony. Fulfil those criteria and you can get married in Scotland either by religious or civil ceremony. Since August 2002, you can have a civil ceremony in a venue other than a registry office, and of course, this country has no shortage of romantic venues in which to get hitched. Just ask Madonna, who celebrated her marriage to Guy Ritchie at Skibo Castle near Inverness. Make like a virgin bride by contacting Skibo (01862 894600; www.carnegieclub.co.uk). The National Trust for Scotland (www.nts.org.uk), which has a list of over 80 properties which can be used for weddings, including the amazing Culzean Castle.

42. GET DIVORCED Of course, if it all goes horribly wrong you are going to need to know how to end the marriage. For information and advice, contact Divorce Law Scotland (01356 623999; www.divorcelawscotland.com), Divorce Online (www.divorceonline.com) or Scottish Legal Aid (0131 226 7061; www.slab.org.uk). Alternatively, you and your spouse could always try to save the marriage by moving to Inverurie, the Aberdeenshire town which has the lowest divorce rate in Scotland. Or a more sensible solution might be to contact Couple Counselling Scotland (0131 225 5006; www.couple counselling.org).

43. JOIN A GYM Okay, this is pretty obvious, but the key point is that the more you like your gym, the more likely you are to keep attending regularly. Shop around for a gym which fits your budget and fitness requirments. For example, you may be more interested in running than lifting weights, and you will want a gym that reflects this. Look in the Yellow Pages (which is also online at www.yell.com). Or contact your local council, which provides cheaper facilities which are just as good as a private gym.

See page 40 for gym tips.

44. GET A PET (below left) Theoretically easier to deal with than a partner/child and highly unlikely to beat you in an argument, a pet is the very dab when it comes to uncomplicated companionship. Pets have even been proven to reduce stress and lower blood pressure, which is why some doctors allow them to visit their owners in hospital. Give a new start to an abandoned pet by looking on www.animal sanctuaries.co.uk.

45. STOP WATCHING TELEVISION According to Frank Lloyd Wright, TV is the chewing gum of the eyes. Of course, he was never hooked on Six Feet Under, The Sopranos and 24, all of which return early this year, but you know what he means. Most telly is brain-rottingly bad and we are doing ourselves no favours by watching so much of it: www.tvturnoff.org argues that television promotes violence, causes obesity, and makes children greedy and undereducated. This year's TV Turnoff week is from April 21-27.

46. LISTEN TO THE RADIO On the other hand, British radio has much higher quality output than its more glamorous visual relation. And the new digital stations BBC 6 Music, 1Xtra, and BBC Asian Network play great music.

See radio highlights, page 55, and radio listings, pages 57-69.

47. WORK FLEXIBLE HOURS New 'family friendly' employment legislation which comes into effect on April 6, means that employees with children under six or with disabled children under 18 will be eligible to ask their employers for flexible working hours, which should help you balance work and life more effectively. An Acas helpline service (08457 47 47 47) has been enhanced to give guidance to employers and employees.

48. STOP SEEING PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE The Scottish band Ballboy have a song called You Can't Spend Your Whole Life Hanging Around With Arseholes. They're wrong; if you're not careful you can. Make 2003 the year that you cut those people out of your life who have been annoying you, like, forever. You'll feel much better for it, we promise.

49. TAKE A PAY CUT FOR A JOB YOU LIKE Because what use is a huge salary if you dread going to work in the morning and come home miserable? It's easy to get fixated on pay increases but you may find it surprisingly liberating to start heading in the opposite direction.

50. START YOUR OWN BUSINESS But don't have romantic notions about it. Being your own boss is a hard slog and your job is always on the line. On the other hand, the rewards - both finanical and personal - can be immense. Even if your business is something artsy fartsy and creative, you are going to need to know a lot about tax, employment law, account-keeping etc. For advice and information contact Scottish Enterprise (0845 607 8787/0141 228 2000; www.scottish- enterprise.com) or the Entrepreneurial Exchange (01698 285 650; www.entex.co.uk) or visit www.ukonline.gov.uk.

51. VOLUNTEER Volunteer's Week (020 7520 8947; www. volunteersweek.org.uk) takes place between June 1-7 and is the time when many organisations including Breast Cancer Care and Save The Children will be on a major recruiting drive. However you can volunteer at any time of the year by logging on to the Volunteer's Week site or contacting the Scottish Council for Voluntary Organisations (0141 221 0030/0131 556 3882/0131 556 3882; www.scvo.org.uk).

52. LEARN FIRST AID Change your life by learning to save someone else's. St Andrew's Ambulance Association is Scotland's premier provider of First Aid training and services. It has branches in Aberdeen (01224 877271), Glenrothes (01592 631758), Glasgow (0141 332 4031), Edinburgh (0131 229 5419) and Dundee (01382 322 389), and is on the internet at www.firstaid.org.uk.

53. GET POLITICAL Vote, because if you don't then you have waived your right to bitch about the state of the roads/schools/Tommy Sheridan's tan etc. The Scottish Parliament elections are on May 1. The next UK general election is likely to be in 2005 at the earliest. If you feel strongly about an issue, you can submit a public petition to the Scottish Parliament's Public Petitions Committee, which will consider it and decide the best way to address your concerns.

Better still, run for political office. To find out more about becoming a Member of the Scottish Parliament or MP, contact your local returning officer; you'll find the relevant number in the Yellow Pages. Alternatively, you might think about joining your local or community council, and should contact them for details. There are, of course, a wide number of single issue organisations which you may wish to join. These include Friends Of The Earth Scotland (0131 554 9977; www.foe-scotland.org.uk), Amnesty International Scotland (0131 466 6200; www.amnesty.org) and the anti-Third World Debt lobbyists Jubilee Research (0207 089 2853; www.jubilee2000uk.org).

54. SEND LETTERS Email is so 2002. Show a loved one you care, while simultaneously improving your spelling and handwriting, and reviving the fortunes of the ailing Post Office. And you can be really filthy without being troubled by an internet firewall.

55. LEARN TO KNIT (above) You may no longer be allowed to take knitting needles on planes, but London-based club Cast Off is pioneering the art of knitting in pubs and clubs, and organises group knit-ins on the Underground. It's too good an idea to leave to London, so why not contact the group at www.castoff.info with a view to establishing a Scottish branch?

56. LEARN TO PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT Therapeutic and totally rock 'n' roll, learning to play a musical instrument will change your life (and if it's the drums, the lives of your neighbours). For details of music teachers in your area look in the Yellow Pages, or on www.yell.com, or contact your local college/university for info on adult education courses. Our advice: learn to play the lute or something and it will be easier to join a band. The world does not need another bassist. Patriotic types should look no further than The Piping Centre in Glasgow (0141 353 0220; www.thepipingcentre.co.uk).

57. EMIGRATE It's January, it's dark and freezing, the economy is going down the tubes, you're overworked and underpaid, the government is dragging you into a war you don't want, and there's nothing on the telly. What better time to leave for Australia? Or perhaps one of the Scandinavian countries, which are colder than Britain but full of smart and sexy people with lovely furniture. The brain drain starts here.

For information on emigration contact the embassy of whichever country you wish to move to.

58. MOVE TO PERTH Statistically, Perth is the luckiest town in Scotland for lottery winners. Seven millionaires have been created since the National Lottery began in 1994.

59. GET PUBLISHED You may think this is hard, but judging by the tidal waves of terrible books which regularly surges into our office, it's really quite easy. The trick, as Pamela Stephenson proved by penning the top-seller of last year, is to marry a violent alcoholic from a dysfunctional background, who just happens to be terribly famous, and then, years later, write a book about how fabulous he is.

Billy is published by HarperCollins, priced (pounds) 6.99. The Writers' And Artists' Yearbook is published by A&C Black Ltd, priced (pounds) 12.99.

60. SHOP AROUND FOR RELIGION Feel like your life has no meaning? Stuck for something to do at the weekend? Why not shop around for a religion that fits in with your morals and beliefs? For information on the Church of Scotland visit www.churchofscotland.org.uk. For information on Catholicism visit www.catholic-scotland.org.uk. If you would like to find out more about Islam, there are 17 Mosques in Scotland, including large ones in Glasgow (Central Mosque, 0141 429 3132) and Edinburgh (Mosque and Islamic Centre, 0131 667 1777). The website www.jewish.co.uk lists synagogues in Scotland, and gives the sabbath times for Glasgow. The website www.clickwalla.com lists Hindu temples in Scotland. You can find Buddhist centres in Glasgow (0141 333 0524) and Edinburgh (0131 228 3333). Of course, there are many other equally valid faiths for you to investigate; the above are just a selection.

61. HAVE AN AFFAIR This won't tie-in with any conversion to Christianity (especially all that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" stuff), but having an affair could provide a pick-me-up to your marriage. According to the anthropologist David P Barash, human beings are simply not genetically hardwired to be monogamous, so it's arguable that if we all just accepted that and had affairs within stable relationships we might go through less anguish in our personal lives.

For advice on how to cheat and get away with it, read Judith Brandt's 50 Mile Rule: Your Guide To Infidelity, published by Ten Speed Press, priced (pounds) 10.99.

62. GET A RADICAL HAIRSTYLE (right) Visit the cutting edge of rug- rethinks at a discounted rate by allowing a trainee to go wild with your hair. Contact Toni & Guy (Aberdeen, 01224 593 939; Glasgow, 0141 248 9243; Edinburgh, 0131 220 5425), the Rainbow Room (Glasgow, 0141 248 9460), or Cheynes (various Edinburgh salons, 0131 558 1010).

63. GET GREEN FINGERS Turn the garden from a festering mass of empty crisp packets and stone chips into a thing of verdant Babylonian splendour; you'll find it enormously therapeutic. Or go one better and get an allotment, which should provide all the organic vegetables you can eat. For more information, contact the Scottish Allotments and Gardens Society on www.sags.org.uk.

64. SORT OUT YOUR PENSION Retirement may seem a long way away, but it's not. With all the gnashing of teeth over the closure of final salary funds, and the news that more than a third of working people in Scotland have no pension provision, there has never been a better time to make sure you provide for your future.

For information and advice on pensions, contact the Financial Services Authority (020 7676 1000; www.fsa.gov.uk). For a forecast of the level of pension you can expect, contact your local benefits office or call 0191 218 7585.

65. DITCH YOUR MOBILE Annoying ringtones, idiots in suits shouting on trains, a battery of phones arranged on a pub table, the expense, teenagers getting mugged for their phones, the way mobiles allow work to invade your private time, some Motorola chirping during a quiet bit at the movies, the possibility that your brain is being slowly fried by radiation - the list of reasons to give up your mobile phone goes on and on. Knock that Nokia on the head and squeeze Orange out of your life.

66. TAKE GINKO BILOBA This Chinese herb has been shown to improve memory. It seems to do this by widening the blood vessels, so increasing circulation in the brain as well as other areas of the body. Take one to two capsules daily with a meal. Available from good herbalists.

67. TAKE MILK THISTLE Used as a remedy for liver problems for thousands of years, Milk Thistle is ideal for this period of post- festive blowout. Combine regular use with drinking plenty of water and vegetable or fruit juices. Available from good herbalists.

68. CONTROL YOUR ANGER According to the British Association of Anger Management, "Anger is a natural human reaction. It is powerful. If not channelled correctly it is dangerous. It has massive social implications on your family, your career and ultimately you." You can contact the Association on 020 7267 7234 or www.angermanage.co.uk. Alternatively, find an empty beach and have a scream. You'll feel a lot better, and the seagulls will react with more indifference than loved ones might.

69. Stop smoking Over 13,000 people die each year in Scotland from tobacco use, and let's not even talk about infertility, premature ageing, and the passion-killer of having to stop halfway through having it away with someone you've fancied for ages because you're out of puff.

For advice on stopping smoking contact the Health Education Board for Scotland Smokeline on 0800 848484 (www.hebs.org.uk).

70. BUY ART This will make you feel grown up, will help you impress potential suitors and who knows, may make you very rich one day. See www.scotlandart.com or the Yellow Pages (www.yell.com) for lists of commercial galleries in Scotland.

71. TELL THE TRUTH Being absolutely honest at all times may be difficult, especially when "Does my bum look big in this?" type questions are flung at you. But persevere and you will find life becomes less stressful and that people value your opinion more.

72. EAT YOURSELF FITTER Detoxing is all very well, but January feels cold when you're starving. Instead, try eating oily fish such as salmon, mackerel and sardines, which will provide essential fatty acids. Winter vegetables like carrots and kale contain vitamin C and antioxidants. Wholegrain bread, brown rice and herbal teas complete the package - a diet which helps the body detox without any need for a fast.

73. GET STEAMING Steaming your food is a good way to boost an already healthy diet as steaming is a delicate technique which means vital nutrients, vitamins, and minerals stay in the food and aren't leached into cooking water. Kenwood makes a large, three-tiered steamer priced (pounds) 34.99.

74. JOIN A BOOK GROUP The perfect excuse to sit around, drinking too much caffeine, and talking about the novel that changed your life. Or if you believe Channel 4's Glasgow-based drama The Book Group, the perfect excuse to get off with gay football stars and die of a heroin overdose. Check library noticeboards for details of groups, or put up a notice if you want want to form your own. And while you're at it, join the library. For a selection of online reading groups visit www.edinburgh. gov.uk/Libraries/ReadingSphere/ OnlineGroups/onlinegroups.html.

75. TELL A STRANGER THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL So suggests Roger Pol- Droit in his bestselling book 101 Experiments in the Philosophy of Everyday Life (Faber, (pounds) 10.99). "Dare yourself to do it," he writes. "Out of style and sincerity. You have more to gain than lose."

76. HAVE A CAR BOOT SALE An excellent way to declutter your home and make a few bob while you're at it. Alternatively, sell your stuff on the internet, the biggest car boot sale in the world. The leading site is www.ebay.com. Follow the example of John Freyer, who sold everything he owned, including his sideburn clippings. You can read more about him on www.allmylifeforsale.com.

77. GET OUT MORE Scotland has a vibrant live music scene, some terrific theatres, and a comedy circuit that is expanding all the time. Start experiencing it now by going to see Teenage Fanclub (Glasgow Barrowlands, February 21, Edinburgh Liquid Room, February 23, Aberdeen Lemon Tree, February 24), Siobhan Redmond in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (Edinburgh Royal Lyceum until February 8 then Glasgow's Theatre Royal from Feb 11-15) and the Glasgow International Comedy Festival (various venues, March 20-April 5).

78. THINK 'AUTOTELIC' NOT AUTOTELLERS According to Dr Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Living Well (Weidenfeld & Nicolson, (pounds) 12.99), autotelic ('auto' meaning self, 'telic' meaning goal) people participate in activities because they enjoy the process not because they anticipate the reward. In the context of work, an autotelic person would take pleasure from the job itself, not solely from the financial return. Autotelic people, says Dr Csikszentmihalyi, get more from life, enjoy better relationships, and do not spend their time comparing themselves with others.

79. KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN A YEAR'S TIME In contrast with the above, it's arguable that setting yourself definite goals, within a specific time-frame, is a good way of avoiding that feeling of being stuck in a rut. Try setting yourself one definitely achievable goal (whether to do with your career, personal life or whatever) and one which is harder to achieve and is more of an aspiration. You never know, you may surprise yourself.

80. DO A 'REGGIE PERRIN' And if all the above fail, you could always fake your own suicide by leaving your clothes on the beach and then start an entirely new life elsewhere. Both series of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin are available on BBC Video, priced (pounds) 12.99 eachu

Copyright 2003 SMG Sunday Newspapers Ltd.
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