Dead man writing; Pipes of peace

HURRAH. Break out the smoking pipes, start polishing your brass bongs, the government has finally capitulated and National Health Service patients are to be offered cannabis after surgery. This is the first time that the drug has been evaluated for its pain- relieving properties in a proper medical study.

This initial trial will take place in London and will be regulated by the Medical Research Council. The volunteers will take three types of pill. One third of the patients will be given a form of cannabis, one third will be given a conventional painkiller, say morphine, and the final group will be given a control pill, a dummy, with no side effects.

I am delighted at this news because my main pain relief drug is morphine. Its side effects include addiction, dizzy spells and breathlessness, plus it knocks me for six when mum gives me the injection. I'm sure I'm an addict already. If my condition was not so serious, my doctor would have downgraded my pain control drug to something like codeine. Unfortunately, no I really mean ironically, my main pain is caused by this bloody sciatica. To help with this I've started a new treatment at the Harvest Clinic, called tui-na. As the name suggests it's an oriental kind of massage and the masseur, Fraser, truly does have fingers of steel. The treatment is based on pressure points and as he also works with people who suffer from MS, I knew I was in good hands. After the massage I felt like a new man. The pain returned the next day but that day's relief was well worth it. I am definitely going to follow up this treatment.

Cannabis is an attractive alternative to morphine although Rizlas will not be necessary and will be offered to people suffering from cancer and MS. In fact a hospital in England has already started to use cannabis on patients with these conditions and their experiences will have a great bearing on the government's decision on whether to legalise it or not.

Having a proper trial will give them a definitive answer: a standard tablet, with the same amount of the drug given over a controlled period.

Other countries are conducting their own tests, with Switzerland unearthing positive results and some states in America already allowing the drug on prescription. Here in Britain, any evidence is anecdotal. I used it and found it useful. I only stopped because I hate smoking.

Smoking the drug carries a high risk of mouth, throat and lung cancer, the same as smoking cigarettes really but without the added nicotine and tar. Patients have been given the choice of taking part in the trial well in advance of their surgery. Let's hope these trials are the first step to proving cannabis useful in treating cancer and MS.

Now, I'm afraid, I'm on the scrounge. With my charity night approaching, I would like to appeal to your better nature in asking for prizes in the raffle. I know everyone is inundated with demands to contribute to charity. When I walk down Buchanan Street, I adopt a criss-cross pattern to avoid the clipboard people.

All I can offer is one great weekend of fun, laughs and cheap drink, aimed at raising money for cancer relief. Last year's event was a great success.

The only complaints were from those who missed the night and heard from others what a good time everyone had. Planning the charity weekend gives me something to aim for, because I am close to my next target, my 31st birthday. I like being 30 though. Most people don't have a clue what they want from life until they hit 30. I felt the same. If I was a normal Joe and not riddled with cancer I would be thinking of going down to London. We constantly talk up Glasgow and Edinburgh but in our hearts we know that staying in Scotland will limit those with infinite ambition.

I really envy those of you younger than me, you have it all in front of you. Suddenly realising that the dream job you have is not so peachy after all is a common complaint I get from readers of my own age.

That's why I believe foreign travel should be a prerequisite for everyone under 25. I have just said goodbye to a friend who is off to work in Greece. He will probably end up skint living in some dive, doing some crappy job, but I know he will love every minute of it. God knows I loved my American-Caribbean odyssey and when I came home, I found Glasgow had not changed a bit.

Life is for living. You get one throw of the dice and that is it. u You can email Jonathan at Deadherald@aol.com

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