Shop until they drop

WHAT about knocking pounds 50 off for me?" I say, holding a tan leather coat under the nose of a Marks and Spencer shop assistant. He's so shocked by my impertinence that he blushes.

"Come on," I smile gamely at him, "I love the coat but the price is just too high."

We both stare at the coat admiringly for a moment.

"Yes, it is a very beautiful coat, madam," replies Rosy Cheeks at last, "but at Marks and Spencer, a price is a price, and the price is pounds 225. Our mid-spring sales start shortly; I suggest you return then."

With that he turns on his heel, evidently bursting to tell his colleagues about the tight-fisted shopper he's just dealt with.

The very idea of bargaining used to make my toes curl, a horror reserved for foreign holidays. Then I put on a rucksack for a sevenmonth tour of China and the Far East. It took a while to get over that very English embarrassment, but suddenly I was bartering with the best - and enjoying it.

I developed an arsenal of haggling weapons: the roll of the eyes, the tired "I wasn't born yesterday" smile, the barely disguised snort of derision.

Back in London, I wondered if my new skills would work in the bastions of British shopping.

Consumer research at the Henley Centre reveals that more than a third of us have bartered over the cost of goods and services. During a one-day haggling odyssey in London, I found negotiating prices was acceptable to some vendors but a nasty shock to others.

My day starts in Dixons (Holborn branch) where I try to get money knocked off a pay-as-you-go mobile phone. The man behind the counter stares at me.

"Try The Link, they're cheaper."

"What? You'd rather I went to a rival than knock a few quid off ?"

"It's just down the road."

Not to be defeated, I head to Gultronics on the Tottenham Court Road. Its cheapest pay-asyougo is a Nokia for pounds 119.99. It's time to try a teensy white lie.

"It's for my mother's birthday.

She really, really needs a phone, but I can't afford that. Will you bring the price down a bit?"

The whining note in my voice pays off. He calls his superior to ask if a discount is allowed. "He says pounds 110." I shake my head.

"No? All right a hundred quid." I shake even harder.

"That's the final offer, love." I accept. Not bad, pounds 20 cheaper.

Following my aforementioned failure at M&S's flagship Oxford Street branch, I head to Berwick Street market and find a man stuffing fruit into brown paper bags for Soho advertising types.

"Those are nice Galia melons. Are they ready to eat?" I ask.

"They're beautiful, doll, you won't find better."

"Hmmm, I'll give you pounds 3 for two," I say. He snorts derisively. Don't steal my tactics, mister.

"All right then, pounds 3.50."

"No, darling, it's a fiver, I'm hardly making anything on them as it is.

OK, for you, pounds 4.50."

We settle on pounds 4. Then I go to a flower stall and get 50p off some lilies.

Next stop is Currys at Wandsworth Bridge. I tell the salesman I want a Bosch washing machine. It's pounds 399.

"That's an awful lot of money. Can you knock off a bit?" I ask.

"No."

"Come on, as a gesture of goodwill."

"No."

I look petulantly towards the exit.

After a minute's pause he says: "Well, maybe there's something I can do."

After a bit of haggling he offers me pounds 40 off.

At Wandsworth's Arndale Centre I go into Poundland. "Everything's pounds 1," the signs proclaim. Not if I can help it. I ask for money off the patio cleaner.

My argument, that it's only water and detergent, doesn't wash. However I do get a pack of chocolate eggs for 50p after pointing out that one is damaged.

By now I'm feeling invincible. It's time for the most difficult target of them all - Harvey Nichols. Alas, after half an hour, I emerge not only beaten, but cringing in every cell. My first target is the Smythson stationery concession. I spot some address books for a ridiculous pounds 50 each.

I AM getting married soon and I need six gifts for the ushers," I announce to the assistant.

Frightening how the lies are now spouting from my mouth.

"I like these, but if I was to buy six I think I should get one free."

The man almost recoils. He checks with another assistant at the counter and comes back with a superior smirk. "No, madam, we never do things like that."

Now it's my turn to scuttle away with burning cheeks. Still, I plough on to Paul Smith Woman where I try on a flower-print skirt for pounds 180.

"I want this skirt, but I decided before I came in that I wouldn't spend more than pounds 170," I explain to a pleasant-faced assistant.

"Go on," she urges, "just treat yourself and cut back a bit next week. It's sooo lovely."

She's clearly not catching my drift. So I head to the info desk and repeat my request. "I can help you," the woman replies. At last!

"You see, madam, if you get a Harvey Nichols card today, that gives you 10 per cent off, which would make the skirt only pounds 162." I promise to think about it and weakly head for the exit.

My golden rule for London bargaining is: be firm but not aggressive - too much aggression and they'll enjoy saying no. Choose your target. Best are shops or stalls run by their owners. Avoid high- street chains and department stores - unless you get your thrills from abject humiliation.

Didn't she do well...

Bosch Exxcel washing machine, pounds 399.95, reduced to pounds 359.95 Saving pounds 40 (Currys, Wandsworth Bridge)

Nokia pay-as-yougo phone, pounds 119.99, reduced to pounds 100 Saving pounds 19.99 (Gultronics, Tottenham Court Road)

Arum lilies, pounds 4, reduced to pounds 3.50 Saving 50p (Berwick Street Market)

Chocolate eggs, pounds 1, reduced to 50p Saving 50p (Poundland, Arndale Centre, Wandsworth)

Two Galia melons, pounds 5, reduced to pounds 4 Saving pounds 1 (Berwick Street market)

Copyright 2002
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