Morals and media brats

Have I Got Muse For You Old Red Lion, EC1

IF there's one thing worse than celebrity culture, it's a feeble satire on the fame game. In his debut play, Iain Regnier-Wilson tries to cock a snook at media junkies - but his effort falls flat on its face.

Scriptwriter Edmond shares a flat with Tim, a City whizz kid, and Petra, who longs to be the next Pop Idol. The slow-moving plot follows the raunchy couplings of Tim and Petra, then traces Edmond's infatuation for Espree, a model he meets on the net and who becomes his muse.

But all is not well in this world of wannabes and daydreamers. It turns out that Tim is not quite the success he claims to be, and the glamorous Espree is a former resident of the East End. A series of melodramatic revelations turns this satire of upandcoming Londoners into a traditional morality tale: the bad, of course, end badly, and the good wallow in sentimentality.

Regnier-Wilson, who has worked as a stand-up comic, suffers from the nervous comedian's occupational hazard - he's always dashing for the punchline. Most of the scenes in the first half are frustrating because, just as the dialogue begins to get interesting, the episode ends with a throwaway line.

Given Edmond's propensity for flowery language, much of the humour depends on the simple linguistic device of calling someone "inebriated" instead of "drunk", or having "assignations" rather than "meetings". But his windy speeches are neither endearing nor particularly funny.

And, for a satire, the show is seriously underpowered. In fact, its targets, for example, Posh and Becks, are as predictable as the writing is cliched.

You know something is wrong with a show when a humorous talking birthday card gets one of the biggest laughs of the evening.

Sadly, lumbered with Regnier-Wilson's text and Andrew Neil's lethargic direction, the young cast - led by Robert J Francis's speccy Edmond, Graham Dalton's beefy Tim and Charlotte Atkinson's pouting Petra - barely gets a chance to shine.

Still, at least they're not competing to be the next Pop Idols.

Until 20 April. Box office: 020 7837 7816.

Copyright 2002
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