Your child is wonderful in fact, they all are

THIS is the time of year when parents look at school reports and wonder whether they bear any resemblance to the performance of the offspring they know and love. Children behave so differently in the classroom and in the playground, as any teacher will tell you, compared with the way they are at home, that schools are inclined to address parents as if they know nothing.

Have you ever considered the possibility that school reports are not about your child, or anyone else's, for that matter? They may be just an amalgam of politically correct clichs or a product of the teacher's imagination, cobbled together with the help of a guide to vague, prescribed forms of words taken from the national curriculum handbook.

With two children in private schools, and two in the state system, my wife and I have been struck by the two distinct styles in report- writing. Whereas private school reports, the ones we pay for, frequently tell it like it is, warts and all, state school reports are usually over the top in praise of the little darlings.

"This is the most uncommunicative child I've ever tried to teach," says one private school report. "If only your daughter was not so easily distracted by other children she might learn a bit more," says another.

Compared with the positive criticism one receives from private schools, those from state schools are a pleasure to read.

"Marina has shown herself to be an important and valuable class member," says a south London primary school about our daughter aged 10. "She is well liked and respected by adults and her class peers alike and is thoughtful of other people's feelings and opinions."

WE were pleased with her maths report because this has always been a difficult area.

"Marina has worked hard in mathematics and is developing her confidence in the subject. She demonstrates a good developing knowledge of number bonds when faced with everyday situations and problem solving ... Marina is able to work effectively in a classroom situation and always tries her very best.

With continued application she should progress to her full potential."

This was encouraging because Marina, who is no better at maths and no more interested in the subject than her father, has been having special tuition to get her up to speed. We do appreciate being told exactly where we stand because it helps us decide where to go next. Better to have no report at all, than to have one which is misleadingly rosy. Sadly, however, Marina's maths report is not markedly different from those of the pupils at the top of her class.

It was gratifying also to read about Marina's personal and social development. "Marina has good and positive friendships and a lovely sense of humour.

Marina has worked hard this year and has improved her self confidence in her relationships and work skills."

It was at this point, I'm sorry to say, that this delight fully positive picture began to fall apart. We discovered that Marina's friends nearly all had "good and positive friendships and a lovely sense of humour". Well, good for them. I'm delighted, of course, but it doesn't add up. First, one feels misty-eyed, one mother says, then one feels betrayed. What parents want, rather than copious nonspecific verbiage which wastes everyone's time, is an individual paragraph identifying targets that need to be achieved by each pupil.

Parents are not supposed to exchange notes a bout their children's reports. It' s all too personal, or at least it would be if they were based on factual observation. If the reports are good, you' re boasting. If they' re bad, you don't want to advertise it.

But if you do discuss your children's repor ts with other parents, you may find it enlightening. You may discover you've all r eceived the same reports any w ay.

I would be reluctant to reveal these details a bout my daughter's progress if I thought they were personal, but I have come to the sor ry conclusion that they don't rela te to her an y mor e than to anyone else. Part of the pr o b lem lies with word-processors, cutting and pasting the same tired phrases fro m one child to another. It's so easy to transfer whole chunks of prose from one document to the next, year in, y ear out, quite often with the wrong names attac hed.

Somehow, teachers never made these mistakes when they used pen and ink.

The father of one of Marina's friends noticed halfway through his daughter' s report that her name was replaced by that of a girl called Hannah, who was also noted for her good and positive friendships and her wonderful sense of humour, as indeed was practically everyone else in the class . But who was Hannah? He didn't have a child called Hannah, nor was there one in the class.

Some parents take the view that, as these comments are all quite positive, and not likely to cause a traumatic response, it doesn't really matter. Ho w can you expect hard-pressed, underpaid teachers to write a detailed report on all their pupils? We were lucky to have two pages of typescript, they say, when private school reports are much shorter, and sharper.

This is all very well if your child is a high-flier, but if it is struggling to stay afloat, an accurate assessment of its capabilities may make all the difference between success and failure. For state schools to provide parents with over optimistic prognoses of their pupils' prospects simply condemns them to the law of the jungle and notion of the survival of the fittest.

THE head teacher's response, when tackled by a disgruntled parent, was that comparison between schools is unfair, because some are more exam-orientated than others, with reports written by several teachers rather than a class teacher. "It is not possible to be original all the time," he writes. "I know I repeated myself in my comments about the children. I also know that teachers use banks of responses and comments to help them write the reports I did read 355 reports and I did comment on each one and I accept that any errors or concerns are my fault."

Perhaps most puzzling is the head teacher's comment, in his o w n handwriting, on Marina's work: "This is a lovely report and I am delighted to note how hard she has worked. Well done, Marina, this has been a fantastic year." How many times has he read this lovely report, one wonders. Well done parents, I say, whoever you are, wherever you may be, and wh atever you've been doing, it has been a fantastic year for you, too . Have a wonderful holiday. I'm sure you deserve it.

Copyright 2001
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