Enjoy a good comedy at Christmas? Don't make me laugh, says Kathleen

IT'S THAT time of year again. Fun. Frolics. Festive television. Or to be more exact, wall to wall comedy, spoon-fed to a viewing public anaesthetised by years of Christmas specials that fail to live up to their name.

A confession. The thought of comedy generally fills me with a sense of doom and I'll do anything to avoid the "light entertainment" section in the video shop. Drama, horror, Brookside omnibuses, even, God forbid, a Disney weepie, all of these beckon before I'll reach for The Nutty Professor.

There are exceptions, of course - the odd tragi-comedy is bearable - but it takes more than a bit of slapstick to make me laugh.

It's an affliction that is livable with most of the time, and I can usually avoid situations where I am required to laugh on demand, mainly by taking control of the remote. But when the "c" words - comedy and Christmas - creep into the television schedules, I reach for the off switch. The thought of special festive editions of Morecambe And Wise, The Two Ronnies and Only Fools And Horses repeating on me genuinely fills me with dismay.

It's not that I don't have a sense of humour, it's just that the television chiefs don't seem to share it. What they don't realise is that tinsel and tawdry jokes take the joy out of the season of goodwill.

The last couple of Christmases have admittedly been less traumatic, with more imaginative festive shows like The Royle Family and Ali G challenging the old favourites. And at least there is a good reason to watch The Fast Show's Christmas special this year - Johnny Depp being measured up by the men's outfitters in an extra smutty "suits you sir" sketch. Paul Whitehouse and Mark Williams didn't need any convincing when Johnny told them it was a good idea to let him play a cameo in their show. Neither do I.

Besides that, three weeks of TV turkeys dressed up as Christmas crackers is enough to give me indigestion. Bah, humbug.

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