LAWNS AMERICAN AS MA'S APPLE PIE PRO LAWNS LAWN LOVERS DESERVE

It's August. Even Congress wants a break. So we pose the question: Is a meticulously tended lawn a thing of beauty? Or is it evidence democracy has gone to seed?

Spokane, a good place to raise a ... lawn. Wrong. It's a good place to raise a great lawn. And great lawns are to homes and neighborhoods what the American flag is to freedom. A symbol of pride. A symbol of things that are right with the world.

So it follows that those lovable lawn fanatics, those selfless souls who responsibly fertilize and neatly trim their lawns, are true patriots. Just as the flag is protected from desecration, lawn lovers deserve protection from the lazy, yapping ingrates with shabby yards.

These people are sourpusses (see other editorial). They sit in their houses and listen to the BBC on shortwave radio while their pigweeds infect the whole neighborhood. They crab at the kids who occasionally toss a baseball into their mangy weed patch.

They make weak excuses about aquifer pollution, and they whine about the money spent on lawn care. Some sourpusses even have the audacity to tell you that you should give the money to the food bank. Then, they roll up the power window on their air conditioned Volvo and go sea kayaking or something.

But privately, the sourpusses love lawns, too. They love them because nice lawns drive up the value of their own worthless weed patch. While their lawns look like a big wart on Miss America's nose, they ride the backs of the lawn lovers to increased property value.

But lawn lovers persevere. They spend hours grooming their grass and tending their flower beds because they take pride in their home and because it makes the whole neighborhood a nicer place to live.

They know the powers of a great lawn. They welcome the familiar scent of freshly mowed grass in the spring. They know the bouquet means winter is finally over and a long lazy season is about to begin. They know their lawn as a peaceful place to work, an enjoyable hobby that rewards their effort with its calm aesthetic.

They know it as a friendly host who brings people together on summer evenings just to sit and talk. They know it as a soft, safe place for their kids to pitch their tents, and play volleyball, or softball. And they know it as a gift to their neighbors.

Copyright 1995 Cowles Publishing Company
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.