Hit or miss-understandings - clear business communications

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"I thought the ad was coming for this issue!"

"No, it's for the next issue!"

"But I planned it for this issue!"

"Well, I don't know where in the world you got that idea from."

Sound familiar? It's just a misunderstanding--but, oh, the repercussions. What about this: "No, no, no! I wanted the illustration to highlight point A and B, but to treat each one separately. And you've combined them so that the illustration is muddier than the text!"

Or how about this: "I understood you to mean that there was no specific time frame for completing this project--that it was important, but that I could fit it into my set of priorities."

"Where did you get that crazy idea from?"

"From you! You said to get it back to you `as soon as possible.' And that means as soon as I find it possible. I've been snowed under with work--so it's in my priority pile, and I'll get it to you `as soon as possible.' If you wanted me to move it up in the pile, why didn't you tell me?"

Three classic examples of miscommunication--but how did they happen? Was it the fault of the person giving the instructions or the person receiving the instructions? More important, what can be done to make sure such miscommunication does not happen again?

In a conversation, the person speaking and the person listening share the responsibility of making sure there is understanding. In theory, both are on the same wavelength, share the same frame of reference, and are focused on the content. But even under these ideal circumstances, there is room for error. Why? Because speakers don't always say what they mean, or even what they believe they are saying. And listeners don't always hear what's said without placing their own interpretation on the content.

A simple solution is for the listener to paraphrase, to feed back to the speaker in the words of the listener the understanding of the listener. The paraphrase can begin with any number of phrases, complex or simple: "My understanding of what you're saying is ..." "What I'm getting from you is ..." "In other words ..." or "You mean ... ."

If the understanding is correct, the speaker continues. If the speaker realizes that the listener has not understood properly, the paraphrase gives the speaker a chance to correct the misunderstanding.

Doesn't this take time? Yes. Absolutely, it does. But think of all the time (and money) it takes when you have to back up and straighten out a problem that could have been avoided if the original communication had been clear.

What do you paraphrase?

I believe everything should be paraphrased. If you find that thought cumbersome, at least paraphrase the known problem-causers: the indefinite antecedents (it, they); the indefinite time frames (soon, as soon as possible); the indefinite modifiers (close to target, pretty much done). When this becomes routine, expand to paraphrasing everything--every idea, every concept, every nuance. Unless you do, you will never be sure that your interpretation matches that intended by the speaker.

Best-case scenario: Your paraphrase matches the speaker's intentions. The speaker is reassured, and you know your understanding is correct.

Worst-case scenario: Your paraphrase does not match the speaker's intentions--but notice what happens. The speaker is relieved and thanks you because you have just alerted him or her to a misunderstanding that can now be averted.

In other words, both scenarios win.

But what if you are the speaker, you are issuing the instructions, and the other person does not paraphrase what you have said? How do you get that person to paraphrase without offending him or her, and without implying that he or she does not understand you or is stupid?

There is a way, but first let's look at how you issue instructions to coworkers. Do you follow these two basic rules?

1. Issue instructions in the positive. It is okay to alert people to possible dangers that should be avoided, but not as the only instruction. Our minds think in the positive, so issue instructions about what you want done--not about what you don't want done. If you do have to include a negative, sandwich it between two positives. For example, "I need a photo of the author and the designer. I don't want only the designer. I need both the author and the designer in the same photo." Here's another example: "I want the article to focus on the company's plans for the future. I'm not interested in their history--that's been overdone. Just focus on their future plans."

2. Use numbers or specifics where possible. If you say "sometime next week," be prepared to accept the very last day of the week as totally okay. If it isn't, then specify the day, or, better yet, the date. If you say "a story of about 1,500 words," be ready for variations. Some people think "about" means an acceptable variation of 25 percent. Others restrict it to 5 percent.

Issuing instructions in the positive and being as specific as possible is a good foundation, but you still need to encourage your listeners to paraphrase you. The best way to do that is to ask them--but in such a way that you accept full responsibility for the entire process. You take responsibility for any misunderstanding revealed by the paraphrase, and your listeners get the credit if the understanding is correct. It might sound like this:

"You know Jim, I've been talking for a while now, and I'm not sure I've said just exactly what I really wanted to say. Please help me. What have I said?"

Notice how many times the word "I" appears. That signals that the purpose of asking for the paraphrase is not to check on the listener, it's to check on you--the speaker. Listeners don't mind helping out, so they will gladly paraphrase.

Another way of accomplishing the same thing might sound like this:

"Jane, there are so many possible variables in this upcoming issue, I need to make sure I've indicated what I believe are the essential criteria. Could you help me out by feeding them back to me?"

Notice once again that the focus is on you, the speaker, and whether you have been able to transmit the requisite information. And again, the listener is quite happy to respond.

Once you've asked for the paraphrase in the right way, two possibilities exist: If the paraphrase matches, you know you're on the road to understanding. If it doesn't match, you should heave a sigh of relief, knowing that you have just prevented a misunderstanding and been given a second chance to make the communication clearer and more understandable. Either way, you win.

The mistake never to make

In requesting a paraphrase, never ask the other person if he or she understands. That is a lose-lose situation. Most people hesitate to admit they have a problem understanding, so they will say "yes" even if they mean "no" and then try to figure it out later. If they figure wrong, that's when you get the wrong photo, the wrong layout or the story that's too short or too long.

Are misunderstandings inevitable? Probably, simply because we communicate so often, in such a fragmented way and with such rapid fire that there will always be occasions when we fail to paraphrase or get a paraphrase.

Are misunderstandings avoidable? Yes. Definitely. Make the time to focus on what the other person is saying and to paraphrase him or her. Make sure the other person paraphrases you, and in those wonderful moments of communication there will be no misunderstandings--just the sheer ecstasy of knowing that everything is going right.

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