Being beautiful and smart isn't always that easy

Question: I have two nieces: One is a straight-A, serious, beautiful girl with no real friends. The other, a year younger, is not a great student and not quite beautiful but has several friends. She is quite the opposite of her serious cousin.

The younger, gregarious girl is always reaching out to the older cousin but is often rejected. I think the older one is jealous.

I wish I could help the older girl, but she is so critical of the actions of the people around her. -- P.B., via e-mail

Answer: The older girl sounds as if she may be a perfectionist. Perhaps she is also quite shy. Despite her other gifts, her social skills may be less developed and she may have her own reasons for pushing others away.

You may not be able to change her, but you may be able to help her understand and accept herself. Being beautiful and smart isn't always easy. Everyone expects so much of you, and you begin to expect too much of yourself.

Of course, she may be jealous of her more easygoing, gregarious cousin. They may be able to learn from each other -- if the adults around them can let them work it out on their own. Try to let them do this. You may not be able to help in any other way.

Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Joshua Sparrow, care of The New York Times Syndication Sales Corp., 122 E. 42nd St., New York, N.Y. 10168. Questions may also be sent by e-mail to: nytsyn-families@nytimes.com

Copyright C 2003 Deseret News Publishing Co.
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.