Ask Cap'n Drew

Dear Cap'n Drew: Last year, there were an unusually high number of boat thefts in my area. I even knew a few people who had boats stolen from them. We have always locked our boat and have recently begun coming back to the marina at random times during the week to check on our boat. We are looking into marine anti-theft devices and were hoping that you could give us a good recommendation. Any suggestions?

--Mark and Francine

from Southern California

Dear Mark and Francine: My personal anti-theft device is that my boat never starts. If someone tried to steal it, they would have to do what I do and spend an hour and a half cursing, yelling, pumping the throttle and spraying starting fluid into the carburetors.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

The last time someone tried to steal it, the judge actually had to count the amount of time the thief took to get it started as "time-served." Much like the legend of "The Sword in the Stone," whoever can start it, may own it.

I can't recommend any particular boat alarms. I owned one once, but I was never able to actually install it. Therefore, I can't tell you whether it would have worked. Perhaps you could set up a sort of neighborhood watch program for your marina. If everybody took a single "shift" every month or two, you could create a round-the-clock guard on the boats.

Just be sure that this doesn't regress to being gangs of boater vigilantes. While everyone would like to knock the tar out of a boat thief, it wouldn't be nice to drag some guy out of his own boat because he was checking his bilge at night.

Dear Cap'n Drew: We have a 50-foot diesel-powered, steel-hulled houseboat. Last summer we had a diesel spill inside the hull.

We pumped out all of the diesel fuel, washed the inside of the hull with Dawn, rinsed it, pumped out all the water, and dried it out with a fan. We have removed the carpet and sprayed the sofa bed with Febreze.

After the boat has been closed up for a few days the diesel smell is overpowering. Is there any way to get rid of the diesel smell?

--Janis from Lewisville, Arkansas

(Ouachita River)

Dear Janis: Your letter sounds like an afternoon TV commercial line up. Much like socks, boats seem to have the ability to retain smells long after the cause of the smell has left.

Several years ago, we had a plumbing problem ('nuff said) that created a serious odor problem on our boat. My wife and I did the same as you and bombarded the boat with all of the modern cleansers.

After a month or so, the foul odor was gone but our guests told us that our boat smelled like a funeral parlor (they should have smelled it BEFORE the cleanup).

Here's something for you to try; occasionally, my dog gets sprayed by a skunk. A friend told us that, instead of the old tomato juice remedy, we should give her a bath in Scope mouthwash or some equivalent. We did so and it worked perfectly!

Just pour it on whatever has the offensive odor, let it sit as long as possible, and then clean it up. If this works for you, perhaps I'll get a nautical segment on Martha Stewart's new show.

BY CAP'N DREW BROWN

Cap'n Drew Brown is the author of the boating humor book, "What's A Hoy? A Guide to Modern Boating." Send questions via e-mail at www.capndrew.com.

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