Pictures lofty Lord Irvine SHOULD hang on his wall (To you, just

WE were only trying to help. The Lord Chancellor is, after all, a man who knows what he likes when it comes to works of art.

In fact, he likes art so much he's grabbed over pounds 1.5 million worth from the nation's art galleries to hang in his official House of Lords apartment.

Yesterday, to spare Lord Irvine the embarrassment of hoarding the nation's treasures, the Sunday Mirror decided to present Tony Blair's chum with his own collection of classic art.

And it cost us less than three hundred quid.

Our friend at the Stafford Gallery in Charing Cross Road helped us put together works by some of the most famous artists in the world.

Admittedly they're copies, but only an expert - and presumably Lord Irvine - could tell the difference.

Gallery owner Mark Crombie said: "We get a lot of art enthusiasts buying our prints and I don't know why Lord Irvine didn't think of coming to see us himself.

"I'm sure he'll be especially delighted with the picture Hey Diddle Diddle by Lacey Derstine. It is a genuine classic and only costs pounds 19.95."

We asked if we could borrow the prints for a few months in the same way as Lord Irvine borrowed the real thing from the galleries.

We were given a polite refusal.

Mark Crombie said: "Unfortunately, none of our works of art can leave the shop until they have been paid for. We couldn't let them out even if they were for the Queen."

So, pounds 300 lighter, we arrived at Lord Irvine's posh Hampstead mansion with a van load of art treasures.

These included the Mona Lisa - a snip at pounds 15.95 - and Constable's classic Flatford Mill which also cost a mere pounds 15.95.

When we rang on the door bell we were greeted by a suave young man who informed us that Lord Irvine was at his country residence for the weekend.

We told him we had a delivery of pictures for him and he replied: "Oh how splendid. I'll take those."

But when we informed him we were from the Sunday Mirror he changed his mind: "In that case we don't want any of those." He handed back our pounds 29.95 picture of Napoleon on his horse and slammed the door in our face. Looking through the windows of Lord Irvine's grand three-storey home it was easy to see how well our masterpieces would have fitted in with the peer's plush tastes.

His lounge was stylishly decorated with the most expensive furnishings and ornaments. Lord Irvine already has a collection worth more than pounds 500,000 scattered throughout his two official homes.

He has been buying pictures for the last 25 years and lists the expensive hobby in Who's Who - along with the cinema, theatre and travel.

Lord Irvine has a 16 bedroom country mansion worth pounds 300,000 nestled in the hills of Argyll in Scotland.

And his pounds 500,000 home in Hampstead is just as plush with a dazzlingly colourful moziac tile terrace covering half the rear garden.

His nine month career as Lord Chancellor has been full of controversy. In July he attacked pounds 1 million a year legal fat cats - despite earning himself pounds 500,000 a year as a QC.

Three months ago details of the pounds 650,000 overhaul at taxpayers expense of his official House of Lords apartment sparked uproar as it was revealed wallpaper alone cost pounds 300 a roll.

In December he compared himself to Henry VIII's adviser Cardinal Wolsey.

Then last month it was revealed taxpayers had footed the bill for his wife to accompany him to the Caribbean.

pounds 15.99 Cherubs by Raphael. Who could resist these two little angels?

pounds 19.95. Sir James Whitehead's Procession by W Logsdail. Breathtaking

pounds 13.95 Ophelia by Walterhouse. A real must for Shakespeare lovers everywhere

pounds 29.95 Napoleon by Jacques Louis David. Stirring and dramatic stuff

pounds 15.95 Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci. The most famous painting ever

pounds 19.95 The Vigil by John Petitie. For all those who admire the spiritual life

pounds 3.50 Acquired Mannerisms by Duggie Fields. Very modern - and very cheap

pounds 14.95 Pears Soap by Millais. Oh, the innocence of Victorian childhood...

pounds 15.99 Flatford Mill by Constable. One of Britain's best- known landscapes

pounds 19.95 Hey Diddle Diddle by Lacey Derstine. For big kids everywhere...

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