Madam, we'd like to offer you a vasectomy ...

pounds 100Isn't it surprising what you find in your post these days?

Recently I've had a brochure from a vasectomy clinic (I'm female), an invitation to join a club for seasoned air travellers (I've never flown), horse racing tips (I've never bet), and OAP holidays (I'm 30), to name just a few.

The funny thing is, the letters that come with them usually say I've been specially selected, as I have shown an interest in their products, to receive their information!

Now where's that vasectomy clinic brochure - or has my husband hidden it? - Mrs J. Gaul, Oxford (sent via e-mail).

Point taken, Mrs G...so here's another surprise: We're sending your pounds 100 Letter Of The Week cheque to the old man!

pounds 5AS I was walking up the path to the local Scouts hall with my friend, we saw a large cardboard box with some bricks on top, just by the front door. My friend immediately assumed it had been carelessly left by the Scouts after they had finished some game.

"Just look at that," she muttered, "someone could trip over it and hurt themselves."

She removed the bricks and picked up the box...then promptly fell into the hole the Scout leader had covered up to prevent an accident. - Greta French, Canterbury, Kent.

Ouch! Talk about digging your own grave, Greta...

pounds 5SICK! Sick! Sick! I was appalled, as I'm sure many other Sunday Mirror readers were, to read last week of the stupid, mindless and unnecessary slaughter of the small, innocent birds that fly across Mediterranean countries hoping to reach Britain to breed in safety. Tourists should have the courage to boycott these countries as a protest against the vile and selfish hunters. I wouldn't go even if I was offered a free holiday.

We live on a farm and this year just one pair of swallows have reached us, when 20 years ago we saw dozens. What can we do? - Yvonne Bunn, Kidderminster, Worcs.

Why not inflict some British law on the rest of Europe for a change, via the EU?

pounds 5A CRICKET ball just missed me as it flew through the glass of my kitchen window.

I rushed out to see six young lads running for their lives, till one stopped and marched towards me. "I did it Mister," he said. "Well, at least you're honest enough to come back and tell," I replied. "Oh, I didn't come back for that. I came back for the ball. It's me own," was the cheeky response. - A. McLachlan, Bradford.

Playing late-night indoor cricket at The Mirror years ago, my hook shot smashed the Political Editor's window. Colleagues who admired Banksy's "honesty" in leaving a confession note would have been less impressed to see that I signed it: "Ben Noble"!

pounds 5THE latest research from scientists at Cambridge University has discovered that a mother's genes could make the bigger contribution to the part of the brain that is responsible for language and planning ahead. Women have always had great communciation skills - there's nothing wrong with a good chin wag. - Delia Bourne, South Croydon, Surrey.

pounds 5HOW sad that Sir Paul McCartney is now involved in allegations that he has a 33-year-old lovechild.

He is one of the few stars who have NOT had any scandal about him for all of the years he has been entertaining the public. He is also coping with his wife Linda's fight against cancer, so I hope people will leave him alone. - Mrs McCartney, Hitchin, Herts.

Your name wouldn't be Linda, Mrs M?

LOTTA WOGAN IS TOO MUCH

pounds 5PLEASE, please, get Wogan off the Lottery show. In fact, get him off TV! What a boring, self-opinionated man he is. It was bad enough having to watch him on You Must Be Joking and Blankety Blank. Now this! - Beryl Canty, Winsford, Cheshire.

pounds 5I WAS staggered to read in last week's Sunday Mirror that Carol McGiffin, the estranged wife of radio and TV presenter Chris Evans, is not rushing to give him a divorce.

A friend of hers said that Carol was fed up with Chris always getting his own way and that for once she was going to be the one with power over him by saying 'no'.

I can understand that, but if I were her I'd want to get rid of the obnoxious twit as fast as I could. - Mrs Eve Carr, Holloway, London N.

pounds 5I SEE a man has been banned from a golf club for wearing an earring. Do you have to be a small-minded bore to join a golf club or can anyone apply? - S. O'Loughlin, Huddersfield.

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