New Dutch Fashion Designer Party

THE SHOW: ONE OUT OF FIVE

Hyper trendy shops The Pineal Eye and Browns Focus seem hellbent on introducing us to new Dutch design talent Neils Klavers and Keupr Van Bentm (don't knock it, Browns did the same for John Galliano and just look at him now).

The fashion pack played their part by turning up in search of the fashion designers of the future. Or was that the real reason? This was a fashion party so the priorities were (in no particular order): What free booze are they serving? What's she wearing? Are any of my fashion bunny chums here? Ditto, any celebrities and can I schmooze with them? And will there be a nice freebie gift at the end of it? This was the kind of party where little movement or animation is required (fashion people do not circulate). Find a spot, stay there and look cool and unusual. But there was a great deal of head-turning (towards the door in case a famous face arrives). Bloke arrives with glamorous woman in tow. He's wearing a "normal" suit so everyone assumes he must be the Dutch Ambassador. He is. The conversation was fashion gossip and comments about the canapes, like: "These tapenade crostini are way too salty" and: "Is this smoked fish tinned or fresh?" Fash Pack seemed to be experiencing mood swings between mild boredom and bouts of faux animation when photographers from Frank and Vogue magazines appear to snap the crowd (ie them). THE DANCING: ZERO OUT OF FIVE Fraser Cook DJ'ed (he runs a shop in Soho called Hit and Run so fashion credentials are intact) until midnight. A mix of hip hop, soul techno and funk but no evidence of proper dancing. A little on- the-spot shuffling with the occasional self-conscious wind and grind. THE CLOTHES: ONE OUT OF FIVE The fashion press, of course, wore black - black pencil skirts, black boiled-wool long-sleeved tops, black Miu Miu bar shoes - so no points for trying (it's what they wear for work). The Dutch contingent did made an effort and an awful lot of mistakes. A bright yellow leather shirt with diagonal slashes to reveal nipples summed up their style. One particular hairstyle is worth mentioning: false pink eyelashes fixed to eyebrows by a length of elastic bound around the wearer's shoulder-length bob. There were a great many Dutch design groupies wearing white leather jackets which incorporated every fastening known to the John Lewis haberdashery department. One wore a matching white leather cowboy hat. THE DRINK: FOUR OUT OF FIVE The bar was free, up to a point. If you like beer, there was enough free-flowing Hoegarden to flood any dyke . Unfortunately (if you're a freeloading fashion bunny on a budget) this venue serves the best Bloody Marys in town, but for one of those you had to pay. THE DECOR: FOUR OUT OF FIVE The dress code should have been '"wrap up". This latest addition to Hoxton's trendy drinking holes is designed to look, and feel, like an underground car park. Think cement walls, bar and floor. No concession made towards a Dutch theme decor wise. So no windmills, but very nice loos. CELEBRITIES: ZERO OUT OF FIVE No juicy titbits to report - the Dutch Ambassador behaved impeccably throughout. Hot topic with the Fash Pack was who will get the editorship of Marie Claire magazine and who will take over as fashion editor of the Guardian. They all feigned interest but then their applications were probably in the post weeks ago. And a total lack of celebrities offered little opportunity for star-spotting or star gossip. There was some discussion about wheat beers (Hoegarden again) and if they make you feel more bloated than other beers. This was, after all, Planet Fashion, where flat tummies are a must. Drink **** Music *** Style * Celebs Nil

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