laughter

I APOLOGISE in advance for the lavatorial humour, but as the flak flies across the Channel and the French nation is accused of serving rather unsavoury fare to its cattle, I took a delight in slaking my thirst on a can of an excellent French lemonade called Pschitt. As an inveterate supermarket shopper during my travels, I could always see the appeal of that delicious Greek lemon and lime drink Zit, drunk perhaps to wash down the German Plops crisps or even the Danish Bogo choccies. You could then sit back with a small cigar. How could I resist a packet which tells me to, "sit back, relax and take out a Keith"?

According to Simon Luke of Interbrand, I'm not the only person with a juvenile mind - and he's got a whole museum to prove it. You may not have heard of Simon's company, but its office in Covent Garden was the nursery for those everyday words such as Mondeo, Hobnobs and Prozac - not forgetting those British Airways plane tails that Mrs Thatcher loved so much.

To prove that it's not just third world countries with third rate products which can produce a smile, Simon opens up a can of drink from the large Sanpellegrino concern in Italy. Quite why it had to be called Dribly escapes me, although it sits well on the shelf with Calpis water and the enticing Cock Drops ("add to every cocktail") from Cyprus.

Enough schoolboy humour - put away that can of Indonesian Kickapoo Joy Juice immediately. I had something far more serious in my suitcase. It's rare to see a reaction from a member of HM Customs, but I had to tell him that I was importing Semtex from the Czech Republic. No, I'm not a terrorist, but I couldn't resist such an "exclusive energy drink".

This explosive Czech concept seems to be an export winner. In neighbouring Austria, they drink Dynamite, which, like Semtex, comes in sticky-shaped cans.

Further afield, the flood of high-energy fluid makes minds boggle more than muscles. The Finns swallow Battery; the Koreans slaughter their thirst with Sweat; but it's the Lithuanians who really know what they need all that energy for. "I'll have a bottle of Seks, please" or do you do that on draught?

Copyright 1999
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.