Gayle warning: THIS WOMAN IS DANGEROUS!

Honestly. Just because Gayle Tuesday makes a living by exposing her 36E chest, people assume she's a bit, you know, thick. Not fair, is it, Gayle?

"Too right! I mean, take exams for instance. I know I ain't got many formal qualifications - well, none actually - but my optician said I done great in my eye test."

So, she's no idiot then.

You may not be too familiar with Gayle Tuesday, yet. But fear not - you soon will be. On Tuesday, June 11, this Page-Three star will be hosting an ITV special, Gayle's World, featuring our own Russell Grant as her special guest - and after that she has a six-part series pencilled in for the autumn.

We're privileged, then, that she has granted us a little of her time. We're speaking seconds after yet another hectic photoshoot, during which she's pouted and purred with the usual professional gusto. Mind you, this one's not a topless affair. She has donned a pink fur mini-dress - with matching shoes, naturally - and spread herself across a green fur sofa. A more tasteful kind of look, really.

"Oh yeah, I do have natural class," she points out. "Someone like Princess Di can look quite common next to me."

So how, I ask Gayle as she relaxes with a can of one-calorie lemonade, did she get her big break into Page-Three modelling?

"Well," she smiles, "I was working in Tesco when Grant, who's now my manager, came in, took one look and said: 'Is anyone hand- ling you at the moment?' I said: 'No - well, only the store manager, but he's had a written warning.' "

That was the start of, er, huge things. Gayle readily admits she'd be nowhere without Grant, who's also now her boyfriend. "He looks after all my money - and, as he loves me so much, he only takes 80 per cent of my earnings. Until I met him I was a bit dim. I didn't know it's illegal for big-boobed women to handle their own money." But that's not to say Gayle doesn't have a mind of her own - she has opinions galore.

Take her dieting advice. "My favourite weight-loss tip is to stick a photo of a fat friend on your fridge," she says. "Then, when you're tempted to open it, you see the picture and think: 'I know she's a good mate - but, God, I don't want to end up like that.' "

nd Gayle is a campaigner, too, using her celebrity status to tackle social issues. "My latest campaign is to ban breast-feeding in public," she reveals. "It's so tacky and vulgar. A lot of these women don't even pout or flash their suspenders. They're cheapening themselves. It's disgusting."

Now, confronted with these somewhat unconventional views, you could be forgiven for thinking, is this woman for real?

And, well, it's funny you should ask. Because, no, she isn't.

The boobs, admittedly, are genuine. But Gayle herself is actually the creation of 32-year-old London stand-up comic Brenda Gilhooly.

Brenda studied English at Swansea University, worked as a nursing assistant in a psychiatric hospital for some years, then taught English to foreign students in London. At the turn of the decade she ventured into stand- up comedy, performing at venues such as London's Comedy Store.

But, although she picked up regular bookings, it never felt right. "I always felt vulnerable," she explains. "I used to try to be friendly, whereas I think to be successful at stand-up comedy you need to have a degree of arrogance. If I thought of something horrible to say to hecklers, I held back because it seemed too mean."

Three years ago, however, Brenda had a brainwave. She slipped on a blonde wig, shovelled on some make-up and became a different person - namely Gayle.

"When I did that, the fear disappeared," Brenda explains. "If people didn't like the character, it no longer meant they didn't like me. It was like having a protective layer.

"Once I'd discovered that feeling, I didn't turn back."

Brenda is at pains to point out that Gayle is not just a copy of other peroxide comic creations, like Pauline Calf or Lily Savage. For one thing, she's a real woman.

"They're much coarser than Gayle," she argues. "Perhaps because they're men. Don't get me wrong, I think they're both great - and Lily's a good mate - but I wouldn't be happy doing it their way. Gayle's much more bubbly and innocent. She can be saucy but she's never really disgusting."

One person Brenda was keen not to offend was the woman next door. Not for fear of lowering the tone of the neighbourhood but because her neighbour was a real Page-Three girl.

"I was really worried about what she'd think," admits Brenda. "But fortunately she loved it. She realised it was just a caricature. The point is, I'm not having a dig at Page-Three girls. They're not all thick. Most of them are well aware they've got great figures and decide to make money out of it.

"All I wanted to do was portray a character who was a bit of an idiot, and Gayle lent herself to it perfectly. It would be the same if I did a really over-the-top, luvvie actress. It wouldn't mean I thought all actresses were like that."

So the obvious question remains: are there any similarities between Brenda - who's married with an 18-month-old daughter, Kathleen - and this bimbo she's created?

"Well, I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes," she admits. "I do make stupid remarks in conversation and I also like dressing up and wearing loads of make-up. But some of my friends are much more of a laugh than I am. They just don't do it for a living."

Brenda does, however, which suggests there may be some kind of long-term career plan for Gayle.

So just how big, I enquire, would she eventually like to become? She reflects for a moment. "Well," she replies, "I think I'd stop short of silicone implants."

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF GAYLE TUESDAY

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF GAYLE TUESDAY

ON ART That Picasso bloke

painted some really ugly women. They'd never have got work as Page- Three girls, because one of the basic rules is that your boobs have to be the right way round.

ON MUSIC I'm not just a

model, I'm a singer, too. A record producer I met in a club last week took me home to audition me performing a cappella. For anyone not in the trade, that's Italian. It means singing with no clothes on.

ON SEX Sometimes my sex

life's not as spontaneous as I'd like. My bed's covered in dozens of fluffy toys and it takes about half an hour to get them off. Then I have to turn their faces to the wall so they don't get jealous.

ON MALE HYGIENE

I think it's so manly for men not to wash. I really like sweaty builders and sweaty builders like me. I adore that rough-and-ready smell of a man who works with his hands.

ON FAME When I go into

one of the kebab shops where my picture's up on the wall, they treat me just like anyone else. I suppose it may be because they don't recognise me with my clothes on.

ON MEN'S CLOTHES

I don't like men to look poncy. My boyfriend Grant does like wearing expensive designer stuff, but people say he still manages to look cheap, which is really sweet of them.

ON DRIVING The fact is,

men are born with the driving gene and we women aren't. Obviously it's OK for women to drive to the shops or take the kids to school, but I think they should be banned from driving on motorways.

ON SPORT I really love

footballers. It's a little known fact that footballers and Page- Three girls give off exactly the same pheromones, and that's why we're attracted to each other.

Copyright 1996 MGN LTD
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