Relationships: Can you guess who's had an affair?; They've all been

Dr Glenn Wilson

Score 0 for a, 1 for b and 2 for c - the higher the score the more likely you are to have an affair.

1. WERE YOUR PARENTS FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER?

a) Totally b) Mostly c) Not really

Karen: a My parents had a wonderful relationship until my dad died when I was nine.

Sally: a My mum and dad have a great marriage and are really happy.

Natalie: c Dad was unfaithful. Both are with different partners now.

Suzanne: a My mum and dad have a very happy marriage.

2. HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU RATE SEXUAL FIDELITY?

a) All important

b) Fairly important

c) Not all that important

Karen: a Sally: a

Natalie: a Suzanne: a

3. WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR PARTNER?

a) He should be faithful for life

b) The odd lapse may be excusable

c) Sexual adventurousness is quite understandable

Karen: a Infidelity is inexcusable. Once that trust had been broken, it would be broken for good.

Sally: a But I might be able to excuse the odd lapse, I just don't want to give him any rope.

Natalie: a I know it sounds idealistic but anything else doesn't work.

Suzanne: a I couldn't tolerate it if Simon was unfaithful to me.

4. HOW WELL DO YOU GET ON?

a) We're as close as ever

b) Some strains are creeping in

c) I feel increasing boredom/ antagonism

Karen: a Gary and I are closer now than ever. We have been through life together and it has taught us to understand the other person more.

Sally: a We are very close, we share the same ideals and dreams.

Natalie: b Like any relationship that has been going on for a while we have our good and bad times.

Suzanne: a I have started doing some accounts work for Simon and I have found we've become closer now that we can talk about work.

5. HOW MANY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS DID YOU HAVE BEFORE MARRIAGE?

a) None

b) Only a few meaningful ones

c) A wide variety of experience

Karen: b Sally: b

Natalie: c We lived next door to a holiday park when I was growing up so there was a constant stream of boys who luckily found me attractive.

Suzanne: b But when I got married I did feel I'd tried everything and knew the grass wasn't greener.

6. DO YOU HAVE STRONG RELIGIOUS CONVICTIONS?

a) Certainly b) Moderately c) No

Karen: c

Sally: c Not at all. I haven't got much time for religion.

Natalie: c I wasn't brought up to be religious, but I have my own beliefs.

Suzanne: a I am Jewish and think there have been cultural aspects to my upbringing which have shaped my attitudes to marriage and family.

7. DO YOU TURN UP LATE FOR MEETINGS OR SOCIAL EVENTS?

a) Never b) Seldom c) Quite often

Karen: c Sally: c

Natalie: c But that's more down to Ian than me.

Suzanne: b But if it was connected with work I'd never be late.

8. HOW IMPORTANT IS NOVELTY IN YOUR LIFE?

a) I prefer a safe, familiar lifestyle

b) I sometimes enjoy new experiences

c) I crave excitement

Karen: a Sally: b

Natalie: b Suzanne: b

9. DO YOU LIKE PLAYING PRACTICAL JOKES?

a) Not at all

b) From time to time

c) Often, sometimes sharp ones

Karen: b Sally: b Natalie: b

Suzanne: a I can't think of anything worse than someone playing a practical joke on me, so I would never do it to anyone else.

10. DO YOU LIKE

LOOKING IN MIRRORS?

a) Not as a rule

b) I check my look from time to time

c) I admire myself in the mirror quite frequently

Karen: b This is not because I like what I see. I'm not particularly happy with my appearance.

Sally: b

Natalie: b I only look to brush my hair or check my teeth. I'm pretty relaxed about my appearance.

Suzanne: b But for practical reasons not vanity.

11. DO YOU DOMINATE CONVERSATIONS?

a) No, I tend to let others lead

b) I share them equally

c) I often interrupt others

Karen: b Although I love talking I know I'm a good listener because friends confide in me - they know I can keep a secret.

Sally: c I am guilty of this. I'm afraid I do always seem to have a lot to say and I am a chatterbox, but I don't mean to be rude.

Natalie: b I like to think I'm a good listener as well as a good talker.

Suzanne: b Friends do tend to confide in me.

12. DO YOU LEAVE LIGHTS ON UNNECESSARILY?

a) I'm careful to switch them off

b) I'm sometimes careless

c) I leave them on all the time

Karen: a Sally: b Natalie: b

Suzanne: b Having said that, I'm forever telling the kids off for leaving their bedroom lights on.

13. HOW OFTEN ARE YOU IN DEBT?

a) Never, except for the mortgage

b) I don't always pay off my credit cards

c) It's complicated, with many different debts

Karen: a

Sally: b It's not that I'm irresponsible with money, it's just that we are about to emigrate and so we have had a lot of expenses with moving. And I enjoy my holidays.

Natalie: c I have a lot of catalogues and like those internet auctions. But my husband's the real big spender which makes me think: "Why not?"

Suzanne: b But generally I don't like to live beyond my means. I don't like things being out of control.

14. HOW DO YOU REACT TO AN INJURED ANIMAL IN THE ROAD?

a) I'm greatly upset and rush to help

b) I would do what I could, but not make a fuss

c) I'd drive on

Karen: a I have often called the RSPCA out to injured animals. I can't bear to see an animal in distress.

Sally: b Natalie: b

Suzanne: c I'm always in so much of a hurry. I'm a workaholic so I might not even notice.

15. DO YOU REGARD YOUR PARTNER AS JEALOUS?

a) Not at all

b) Slightly so

c) Wildly so

Karen: a Gary is never jealous because we both have our own hobbies and interests.

Sally: a Pete totally trusts me.

Natalie: a I never really go out so he knows I no longer meet men.

Suzanne: a He trusts me.

Now see Dr Wilson's verdict above...

NATALIE AMOS, 33, is married

to Stephen, 49, and has four children, aged between 16 and two. They have been married for nine years.

SUZANNE FREER, 35, runs her

own gift business "Goody Two Sues" and has been married to Simon, 37, for 10 years. They have two children, aged seven and five.

KAREN DAVIS, 33, is a medical secretary from Elstree, Herts, is married to Gary, 32. They have two sons, aged seven and four, and have been married for nine years.

SALLY RUFFLES, 30, from

North West London, is a mother of two children, aged three and one, and has been married to Pete, a fireman, for six years. They met at school.

KAREN SCORED 8/30

Dr Wilson says: Karen's low score indicates a woman very unlikely to have an affair. She answers mostly "a" which means she is not a risk-taker and is very considerate of others' feelings. Her answer to the question about an injured animal reveals a woman who would not want to hurt her husband. She only answers "c" twice, which shows she doesn't possess the kind of personality traits we associate with affairs. She has very low levels of the characteristics which indicate a certain playfulness. She and Suzanne are the least likely of the four to go off the rails.

Karen says: I'd never cheat on my husband. Family is everything to me. It's my security blanket. My parents had a very close relationship before my dad died. I have two sisters and a disabled brother and we were very supportive of one another. Mum remarried and for a long time I thought my stepfather was wonderful, but he let me down. That disappointment has made me feel even stronger about my own family unit and I'd never do anything to jeopardise that. Yes it's nice when a man tries to chat you up but it's enough for me to know someone finds me attractive. I'd never feel the urge to take it further.

SALLY SCORED 13/30

Dr Wilson says: With Sally you could say the possibility is there. She answered mostly "b" which indicates she is more likely than Karen or Suzanne to have an affair in that she is slightly more of a risk- taker and more irresponsible. She admits she turns up late for social events and interrupts others, both of which indicate she doesn't always put others' feelings first. However, the fact that she has strong views on fidelity, her parents have a strong marriage, and her opportunities to meet men are limited (as she's at home), means she is unlikely to stray at the moment.

Sally says: I'm a bit surprised I scored the second highest, because I know I'd never cheat on Pete. Dr Wilson is right to say I am a risk-taker though. We are emigrating to Canada next month which is a huge risk, but that's quite enough excitement for me. I admit I can be a bit of a flirt, but it always stops at flirting and I always put men straight if they think they can take the flirting any further and I'd tell Pete about it. My parents are happily married and I do look up to my mum and dad and try to emulate what they have in my own marriage.

NATALIE SCORED 17/30

Natalie had an affair. She divorced after seven years of marriage, had a baby with the "other man", then got back with her husband after he forgave her.

Dr Wilson says: Natalie scored highest so I'd say she is the most likely to have had an affair. Interestingly, she was the only one whose parents' marriage doesn't appear to have been stable and the fact that one was unfaithful indicates she may be predisposed to similar behaviour patterns. She is also the only one to admit to a wide variety of sexual experiences suggesting a high sex drive and a strong urge to try new things. She is also frank about the fact she sometimes feels the strain in her relationship.

She says: I must sound hypocritical, demanding total loyalty. But at the time I was very open to an affair - bored and desperate for attention. My attitudes have changed because I know from bitter experience how close I came to losing Ian. I'm grateful for a second chance. I value my relationship more now. I'm not sure if my parents' behaviour influenced me. Dad's cheating did upset mum when I was growing up, but he seemed to be looking for something he couldn't find whereas I've found what I wanted.

SUZANNE SCORED 9/30

Dr Wilson says: Suzanne is clearly a serious-minded individual, not prone to the sort of behaviour that can indicate whether someone would have an affair. She is very mature and takes her relationships seriously and, like Karen, doesn't appear to be the sort who would engage in unfaithful behaviour. She only answered "c" to one question, the animal question, which you could say was because it had nothing to do with her personally. For the other questions she shows little sign of irresponsibility, one of the traits people who have affairs tend to have.

Suzanne says: Dr Wilson was spot on in his assessment of me. I know I must sound like the most boring woman in England, but he has me down to a tee. I was 25 when I married Simon and by that time I felt I had had enough experience to know what I wanted. I am serious in that I don't mess about, even to the extent of hating practical jokes. My children are the most important thing in the world to me. I can honestly say I have never been tempted to look at another man in 10 years of marriage. Aside from anything else, I wouldn't have the time.

Copyright 2001 MGN LTD
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