Don't ask, do pay - John Hensala describe being asked to repay $70,000 Air Force spent on his education after coming out as gay - Brief Article - Interview

A gay man discusses the Air Force's efforts to make him pay over $70,000 for coming out

In 1986, John Hensala dreamed of a career in the Air Force. Military officials, in turn, were so impressed by Hensala that they gave him a four-year scholarship to attend medical school at Northwestern University in return for spending four years in the Air Force after graduating.

But what seemed like a perfect marriage ended up in court. After Hensala came out to Air Force commanders in 1994, the Pentagon began an inquiry that led to his honarable discharge in 1997--before he had completed his commitment to the Air Force. After the military demanded that Hensala repay more than $70,000 it spent on his education, he filed suit in federal court, saying the debt should be forgiven because he was not allowed to serve.

In January, U.S. district judge William Alsup ordered the Air Force to demonstrate whether it sought repayment from medical students discharged for reasons other than "don't ask, don't tell." Today, Hensala, 36, is a psychiatrist in private practice in San Francisco.

What do you think about Alsup's order?

The case is ongoing, so I'm limited in what I can say. But let me just say I'm encouraged, because the judge is obviously considering the case carefully.

What are the stakes?

"Don't ask, don't tell" puts gay and lesbian service members in a very difficult position. It should be a right to talk about your personal life--not only because it's only fair but because it's crucial for your mental health to be able to do so. In my position as a psychiatrist, I felt it was especially important that I be in the position of promoting mental health.

From a mental health perspective, what's the danger of hiding your sexual orientation?

Most gay people know what it's like to be closeted as a young person. When that situation is extended into adulthood with no hope of change, it can be very, very destructive.

Why come out when you did?

I didn't really begin to realize I was attracted to men until medical school in Chicago. It became increasingly clear it was something I was going to have to deal with. In addition, I felt it was important to come out before my active duty service began. I had come out to my colleagues in my residency program. If I had not, it would have set me back both personally and professionally.

The military says you were seeking to avoid your commitment.

I knew there were exceptions to the policy. My hope was that I would be allowed to stay in service even though I was coming out. I wanted to serve. And there were cases in which gay men were allowed to serve even after they had come out--people like Keith Meinhold. [In 1992, a federal district judge barred Meinhold's discharge in a stinging indictment of the pre-"don't ask, don't tell" policy.]

One of the arguments--wrong arguments, in my view--about not wanting gay men and lesbians to serve is unit cohesion, which really doesn't apply to the medical corps. In terms of my profession, the code of ethics of the American Psychiatric Association is that therapists should serve as role models to clients. Living a lie is not a good way to be a model.

Can gay service members get counseling?

As a gay therapist, it's helpful to my clients to be open. Many clients look for one who identifies as being gay. Most military therapists would honor confidentiality. But gay and lesbian service members can't look for a gay therapist, because to do so would raise questions about their identity.

What do you hope will come of your case?

Some people have asked me why it isn't fair for the military to ask me to pay it back for my education. But people have to remember that the military fired me. I didn't want to leave. And this isn't just about my case alone: The government wastes millions of dollars training good gay soldiers and then kicks them out year after year. It doesn't make any sense.

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