OLE SMOKE

JAILED firebug peer Lord Watson has enrolled in advanced Spanish lessons - in preparation for a new life on the Costa Del Crime.

The shamed politician has been brushing up on his language skills with special classes at Edinburgh's Saughton prison.

Watson has told pals he will up sticks and leave Scotland for a new life in the sun when he's released next year.

The Costa del Crime got its nickname in the 80s when the Costa Del Sol was flooded with British gangsters on the run from the law.

The Spanish class is just one of the distractions for Watson who is serving a 16-month sentence for trying to burn down a five-star hotel when drunk after staff refused him more booze.

And far from crying like a baby, according to one ill-informed report, Watson has been lording it up inside far-from-grand Saughton.

He's taken a leaf out of jailed Tory Lord Archer's book by helping fellow cons write letters to their loved ones.

And he's been giving them advice on their appeals.

His free guidance has made him a hit with the inmates who have been flocking to his cell for tips on how to read and write.

A source said: "He may have only just started his sentence but he's obviously got one eye on a new life in the sun.

"There's no point in him staying in Scotland when he comes out because his reputation is in tatters. And where else would a convicted fire-starter go to start a new life other than the Costa Del Crime?"

The source added: "It was reported that he had been crying like a baby in his cell but in fact it's quite the opposite because he's loving the fact all these inmates are coming to rely on him for help. He's always had an arrogant streak and jail hasn't changed him one bit. He's acting like quite the big man."

Firestarter Mike's tactics have been used by many high-profile inmates facing a long stretch inside.

Lord Archer, 65, also helped inmates to write letters home when he was serving his sentence for perjury and perverting the course of justice.

And disgraced MP Jonathan Aitken, serving a sentence for the same charges as Archer, became an agony uncle in his top security prison writing love letters for fellow prisoners.

Watson has settled in at Saughton. Last week he received his first visit from third wife Claire.

Watson, 56, was jailed for 16 months for fire-raising at a political bash in posh Prestonfield House Hotel in Edinburgh after he was refused more bevvy. He raged at staff and "forcibly demanded" he get more drink.

He was caught on CCTV setting fire to curtains at the hotel in the early hours of the morning. A box of matches was later found in his sporran.

He had to quit as MSP for Glasgow Cathcart after admitting the fire charge - but he is allowed to keep his seat in the House of Lords.

With time off for good behaviour, he can expect to walk free in seven months.

-COMMENT: Page 14

STARTING FROM SCRATCH

1 Hello mate, have you got a light? Hola tio, tienes fuego?

2Excuse me, I think your curtains are on fire: Perdona, creo que tus cortinas se estan quemando.

3How do you get people to vote for you round here? Como haces para que te voten?

4Hello, is that the pensions department? Hola, buenos dias, estoy hablando con el departamento de pensiones?

5 Don't you know who I am? I want another drink: No sabes quien soy - quiero otra copa.

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