Will these Friends really always be there for you?

HOPE you have all been enjoying a relaxing weekend, because mine has been terrible, and it's all thanks to Friends' Provident. I knew it would be, I could see it coming.

While you have been visiting friends, going for invigorating walks in the country and generally blowing the cobwebs away, I have been subjected to a relentless battering from my lesser half over whether we should buy shares in the coming flotation.

As members we qualify for a modest free windfall, but like thousands of others, we can also apply to buy more at a 5% discount, which in theory means we make an instant 5% profit on our investment, all things being equal. Sadly markets don't always work smoothly, and the offering is certainly not risk-free.

But as gullible is his middle name, he is determined to buy. He just wants me to say it's a very good idea, a game I never play.

My motto, when it comes to our own money, is, if in doubt, don't do it. It's one which works very well. I've lost count of the "guaranteed to make us a fortune" issues I've saved him from, which went straight down the pan. On the other hand, he filled his boots with Norwich Union discounts when it came to market, and they have done rather well.

Brokers like the Friends' offering. Its market cap should put it in the footsie which means trackers will have to buy. A discount is a discount, they say, and nobody can afford to turn their noses up at something for nothing. Finally, they point to its strong brand in the ethical market.

Jeremy Batstone at NatWest Stockbrokers said: "Friends' Provident is a trusted name. Its ethical stance will not change simply because it has floated. Its scope for pursuing these policies will be strengthened with the injection of new capital.

"Its Quaker roots are appealing. It has loyal customers and is in a good position to attract new and younger ethically- minded investors."

Furthermore, it remains a takeover target. Analysts believe there are still predators waiting in the wings and believe at some stage shareholders will see a premium.

But, I guess, this is my big reservation. We all know Friends' has been up for sale forever, yet no suitable buyer has emerged. I can't help asking myself, if no big institution was prepared to put money on the table acquiring the company, then why on earth should I?

My other concern is Friends', like most insurers, has a bellyful of guaranteed pensions, and nobody knows for sure what it will finally take to cut that cancer out. As always the sensible advice is, if you fancy it, dip your toe in, but don't invest money you can't afford to lose.

In our house, I think I'll leave this decision to him. And who knows, come July, we might have my sort of weekend, which begins and ends with "I told you so "

THE heat turned up under the mortgage war again last week when Standard Life launched its first two-year discounted deal, but as ever they are playing jiggery pokery with the figures.

The new loan promises to knock 2% off its standard variable pushing the rate down to 4.9%, which is certainly tempting given that much of the rest of the market is still hovering around 7%.

This compares with its six-month deal which knocks 1.76% off the variable rate giving a rate of 4.49%.

Wondering why you end up on a higher rate, despite a bigger discount? That's because the two loans have different variable rates. The six-month deal reverts to 6.25%, while the two-year to 6.9% Got it? I doubt it.

IN another interesting move, Scottish Widows has launched an equity-release scheme which allows those over 60 to effectively remortgage part of their house to improve their cash flow.

This is a very problematic area of the market. There is enormous pent-up demand for equity release schemes.

Previous schemes floundered because they were too expensive or too risky. To be fair to Widows it has worked hard to produce a very flexible and fair scheme.

Yet, intriguingly, it omitted the interest rate from the press release, so I had to ring up specially. Come on Widows, 8.1% fixed for ever. You must be joking.

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