I heard it in the fitting room

Overheard While Shopping is a strange little book put together by an American artist called Judith Henry.

It features black-andwhite photographs of people trying on clothes and browsing around stores, and quotes bits of their conversations. But it's only when you see something like this that you realise what inane and unintentionally comic utterances we're capable of. One gem Henry overheard was: "We're not buying, we're just ooh-ing and ah- ing."

The funniest comments are usually those you hear coming through the wall of the changing booth next to yours. People forget that although you cannot see them, you can still hear everything. On one memorable occasion, I was thrashing around trying to fit into some jeans when I overheard the girl next door, apparently trying on a going-away outfit for her wedding day. "It's lovely, dear," said her weary-sounding mother.

"Yes," came the ratty reply, "but it doesn't make me look like Mel out of EastEnders when she went on her honeymoon with Steve."

This was a shop for the fuller figure - nothing short of a famine would have transformed this girl into Mel. Still, I immediately came to my senses and swapped the Kylie-sized jeans I was struggling with for a pair that fitted.

Despite the primary purpose of a shopping spree being to boost self-esteem, it almost always has the opposite effect, compounded by the insensitivity of the British Shop Assistant.

I was in a trendy surf/skate shop recently and overheard a thirtysomething woman having a last querulous stab at youth ask a shop assistant if the trainers she was trying on were considered trendy by people who were trendier than herself.

"Yeah, but that's coz, like, they get all their gear from here," said the spotty dude, aghast that someone had woken him up. "No offence, like, but you should try BhS. They've got trainers that would match the rest of your clothes."

And who doesn't have that last-minute crisis of confidence when buying an item? "Is it fashionable?" asked one acquaintance of mine of a Saturday girl in a cutprice clothing outlet. "If it was fashionable, we wouldn't stock it here," came the dispirited reply.

At least those blundering assistants were honest, and that's possibly better than the old-fashioned "sell or die" technique in shops where rich, middleaged women sell hideous clothes to other rich, middle-aged women with the seamless use of the backhanded compliment or hidden insult. I overheard one poor woman who looked like a pint in a half-pint pot being told the sequined sliver she was busting out of was "very slimming, madam, very slimming.

If you were slim, it would be even more slimming. But it's still very slimming anyway."

Overheard While Shopping by Judith Henry, Universe (7.95).

Copyright 2001
Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.