I 'overcharged' a customer. So he threw a brick at my window

IT was the first racist attack I'd witnessed. I was sitting at a pavement cafe in Holland Park, sipping a cappuccino in the bright spring sunshine. Just a few feet away from me was a group of lads, none of them older than 15. They had picked up a couple of dustbins and were throwing the contents at an Asian shopkeeper.

"You f***ing Paki!" cried out one.

"We're going to get you. We're going to smash your windows." Anyone would have been shocked, but the incident left me particularly shaken.

For I knew I was going to find myself in the shopkeeper's shoes a few days later.

I'm a journalist, and as part of a Channel 4 investigative programme, Sleepers, examining racism in Britain, I had agreed to run an ordinary corner shop for 12 weeks to see at firsthand what life is like for Asian shopkeepers. The location for the store - which was kitted out with hidden cameras and microphones - was Langley Mill, a depressed former mining town in Derbyshire. Langley Mill has just a handful of Asian-run businesses and few non-white faces.

This unassuming town has been a hotbed for neo-Nazis since the Eighties.

They live in its terraced houses and socialise in its pubs.

They've played in extreme Rightwing bands that encourage violence against "niggers" and "Pakis". How would they take to someone like me - a British Asian - opening a shop in their predominantly white town?

Just six days into my new business, and I knew. A man in a car shouted something I haven't heard aimed at me since I was a kid. "F***ing Paki!"

It may not sound like a big deal but I jumped. My immediate reaction was fear - would he come back, was he threatening violence?

Being called a Paki became a common occurrence - the word emanated not just from the mouths of men in their twenties, but young women, customers from my shop and, most worryingly, kids as young as five.

But verbal abuse wasn't the only thing thrown my way. I woke one Saturday morning to find someone had lobbed a brick through the shop window. Over the course of 12 weeks, I had my windows smashed twice with two further attempts.

On one occasion, a customer accused me of overcharging him. "You shouldn't be allowed over here," he said. "F*** off back." When I said I was going to call the police he replied: "Call them and I'll call the NF. Know what I mean?" He returned soon after and, even though there was a customer in the shop, he threw a brick at the window. Luckily, this time, the glass did not shatter.

But I was worried he'd keep his promise.

The fear that the National Front would pay me a visit was enough to ensure my nights were sleepless.

Every time I heard a noise in the night, I automatically had images of someone pouring petrol through my letter box and striking a match. I bought fire extinguishers and planned an escape route in case the shop was petrol-bombed.

One evening, as I was serving a customer, a man in his thirties walked past and gestured with his fingers imitating a gun. "Bang!" he shouted. Not long after, two other men, also pretending they had weapons, laughed as they said: "Bang, bang. Paki, you're dead."

Although these threats were never carried out, I was starting to appreciate what other Asian shopkeepers had told me - that you may not be physically attacked but the barrage of abuse, not knowing when the next incident will occur or how severe it will be, means that you are in a constant state of fear. I found it impossible to relax. I was either bored - running a shop in a rundown area means few customers - or petrified.

MANY Asian shopkeepers take pride in their origins, as I do. So among the tins and sweets in my store, I had placed a couple of stickers stating "I love Pakistan". The reaction to these was extraordinary - "That's taking the piss," declared one shopper. "It's no wonder there's racists around here," said another. A third was more vehement still: microphones picked him up announcing to his friend: "I'll go and kick her f***ing head in."

For me, the most worrying thing about my experience as a shopkeeper was that those who'd been responsible for the abuse weren't members of the far Right but ordinary people. People despised me for no other reason than the colour of my skin, and for them that was enough to make my life hell. I had thought that multiculturalism was making progress in Britain. Now I'm not so sure.

As I packed up and got ready to leave Langley Mill and return to the safety of my London home I felt like a cheat. I'd had to live this life for just three months. Others have to endure it for years.

Sleepers: Undercover with the Racists is on Channel 4 tomorrow at 9pm.

Copyright 2001
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