Holidays: How we got that sinking feeling on our cruise round the

AS THE sun slowly set over the cement works Helen rested her head on my sunburnt shoulder...and erupted in a fit of giggles. It was the last night of our stay on Gran Canaria and we had decided to end the week in style on a sunset cruise.

To be fair, they had warned us as we left picturesque Puerto Rico that it was going to be rough. So rough, in fact, that they couldn't raise the canvas on the world's largest sailing catamaran (it cost pounds 2million), and the reason we had dropped anchor by the cement works was because it was the only place calm enough to enjoy the buffet-style supper.

And the crew did try to liven things up on the way back...by announcing that the boat was sinking, and due to a shortage of lifejackets would those who could swim please allow those who couldn't to have the jackets.

It was only a joke. But the effect was to cause widespread panic among those brave enough to cling to the rails on the sun deck.

Fortunately, we had been sheltering on the lower deck, a few paces from the bar, and had seen the crew messing around with a lifejacket and giggling.

Just two days earlier it had all been so different. The sea had been calm, and the sun shining as we took another boat trip, on the Timanfaya (a replica of the ship in which Columbus set off for the Americas, we were told).

We were staying at Airtours' Sunwing complex in the resort of Playa del Ingles. The complex was spotless, with an excellent swimming pool and snack bar, and our holiday rep Steve could not have been more helpful.

The beach was just a short (free) bus ride ride away, or a 45- minute hike in the sweltering sun.

Being lazy we took a cab. It cost pounds 2. A word of warning here: The cabs are cheap, but not for the faint-hearted. The drivers don't hang around.

Gran Canaria - at least the part we were in - is a sunworshipper's paradise. The beach which connects Playa del Ingles and Maspalomas (that's the place with the dunes) is 9km long.

Along this vast stretch of golden sand are row upon row of sun loungers, with umbrellas standing to attention like soldiers on parade.

Entertainment is based around the commercial centres, with their bars, restaurants and karaoke joints.

You can get an English roast for around pounds 3, seven days a week, in the High Chapparal British centre. A pint of lager costs around pounds 1.50, perfume is a third of the cost here, and British cigarettes around pounds 1 a packet.

And you need never miss that important soccer match...satellite sports coverage is on live most nights. Just don't forget your evening attire - a replica England soccer kit.

The Sunwings resort was nice even though it was a long way from the beach (who wants to get there and back by free bus every day?).

Our "royal" room was clean, the maid service superb. And you could even watch TV, so long as you had a ready supply of pesetas to keep the meter fed. Breakfast in the restaurant reminded my better half of a motorway service station. But the poolside snack bar served excellent pizzas - and, at pounds 3, very cheap too.

At night, Playa del Ingles comes alive...and the later the hour, the more adult the entertainment.

Be prepared for touts trying to persuade you to enter their bar or

restaurant, no matter what time of day.

And do pack the suntan lotion. The reps will tell you to slap on factor 15. Apply anything less and you will spend the next three days regretting it.

VERDICT: Great if you like lying in the sun all day, with live football on TV in the evening and karaoke all night.

FACT FILE

AIRTOURS (0870 608 1940) have a 1-week self-catering studio, based on two sharing, at the Sunwing Complex in Playa del Ingles, pounds 385 per person (early Nov), pounds 336 (early Dec).

Further information: Spanish Tourist Office, 22-23 Manchester Square, London W1M 5AP (0891 669920 - premium rates).

Cup of coffee pounds 1

Dinner for two pounds 30

Bottle of house wine pounds 4

Bottle of mineral water pounds 1

Pint of lager pounds 1.50

Car hire/daily pounds 20

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