Coma toast students mall the language - non-standard English

I was grading papers this weekend when

I realized that, in addition to Ebonics and

Hebronics, there is another non-standard

English in which teachers need to be

trained.

Stubonics.

This is a written and spoken

language used by students that crosses

ethnic, racial and gender boundaries.

Example: One of my evening students

wrote, in an article on travel, "When you go to

Hawaii, you need to take along lots of incest

repellent because it's a tropical climate." I

thought it might have been a typo, hut when I

called it to his attention, he stared blankly at

me. And only a few in the class chuckled.

Grading another paper recently, I read

the words "curb few" in an essay. After

questioning the student who wrote the

paper, she said, matter-of-factly, "You

know, the law that says you can't stand

around on the sidewalk after certain hours -- a

curb few." She said that she thought it was

some sort of gang-prevention law. Many

nodded their heads in agreement.

A new term this year was discovered

when a foreign student turned in a paper that

used the words, "I mall." I asked her to use it

another sentence for me, hoping I'd understand.

She wrote, "I mall, like scared, ya know?"

Then I got it right away. How silly of me not

to recognize it as "I'm all like scared." I'd heard

that a thousand times but not as often as when

I taught in the San Fernando Valley.

Teachers also need to know that, "He goes

and then I go," stands for "He said, and then I

said." Nobody is actually going anywhere.

Well-grounded is another term of which

teachers need to be aware. "Students should

take courses in art, music and dance so they

can become well-grounded," one student

wrote.

And just recently, I've learned that "thank

you" now means that "I agree completely."

The teacher says in a lecture on the media,

"Watching too much television is thought to

cause violent behavior." The student echoes,

"Thank you," as if he were in church saying,

"Amen."

Last semester I had a hard time keeping a

straight face after I asked a journalism student

to explain what it meant to libel or slander

someone. She thought for a moment, and then

blurted out, "I know, I know. Defecation of

character." I had to agree with her, at least on

a literal level.

Another legal term teachers may hear is

"bail lift," as in: "The bail lift is the guy you

pay money to when you want to get out of

jail." And when referring to court

terminology, "A rain mat is the time in court

when you tell the judge your sob story."

Today, though, as I graded papers, I

learned a new descriptive term I'd like to share

with my colleagues in education.

A student athlete had written a

commentary article for the college newspaper

explaining how hard it is to arise each morning

at 4:30 to make it to swim-team practice. "At

that hour of the day, I'm in a

coma toast state."

Aren't we all. Thank you.

COPYRIGHT 1997 Cox, Matthews & Associates
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group