Ask Cap'n Drew

Cap'n Drew's Rules of Boating Etiquette

1. You may hang bathing suits to dry on radio antennas, but you may not dry underwear in the same fashion. Keep in mind that people are trying to relax on their boats and your cotton bloomers may bring on bad memories.

2. Never leave baitfish in boat club refrigerators. This is a caning offense in Singapore.

3. Macerating at the dock is only acceptable if you are 100% sure that it will all land in the boat of the person who leaves baitfish in the boat club refrigerator.

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4. If you borrow tools from a dock neighbor, they should be returned within three days. This is a caning offense in Louisiana.

5. If a guest spends a day on your boat and does not buy you a substantial amount of gas or a four-course meal, it is perfectly acceptable to leave him stranded on a small, bug-infested island.

6. One should always offer potato chips or snacks to passing Coast Guard patrols (or at least give a wave). It is they that you will be calling from your handheld VHF Radio while hanging onto the keel of your boat in a violent storm.

7. Despite the fact that people spend an inordinate amount of time in bare feet, one should never fiddle with their toes while sitting in a group.

8. When on gas docks, the pushing and slapping of its proprietor is NEVER acceptable. However, loud arguing and berating is acceptable in the event of price gouging.

9. Boaters should never stroll about on deck in bathing suits that are too small for the body that God has given them. Men should never wear Speedo's while people are trying to eat.

10. When two boats are approaching each other in a channel, the right-of-way belongs to the larger boat. This is known as "self-preservation etiquette." It goes something like this:

* Ships have right of way over big boats

* Big boats have right of way over runabouts

* Runabouts have right of way over rowboats

* Rowboats have right of way over canoes

* Canoes have right of way over swimmers

* Swimmers have right of way over model boats

* Model boats have right-of-way over ducks.

* Ducks should be placed right-away over hot mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.

BY CAP'N DREW BROWN

Cap'n Drew Brown is the author of the boating humor book, "What's A Hoy? A Guide to Modern Boating." Send questions via e-mail at www.capndrew.com.

COPYRIGHT 2005 Boat Owners Association
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