Ask Cap'n Drew

Dear Cap'n Drew: I just purchased a new 2005 32-foot Rinker Fiesta Vee. I have heard so many different opinions on what I should treat the bottom with or how I should treat the bottom prior to launch. What is your opinion? Thanks!

--Dave from Lake St. Clair, MI

Dear Dave: As long as you don't treat it to a high-speed collision with a submerged log, you're OK. While there are just five potential solutions for world hunger and only four ways to make the trip to Mars, you can hear 43 ways to change a distributor cap if you ask a crowd of boaters. I would suggest contacting the Rinker Company directly to find out what they would recommend. As long as you follow their instructions, and remember to take off the trailer, you'll be fine.

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Dear Cap'n Drew: Are there such things as freshwater barnacles? Or was I hearing things?

--Millie L. from Gross Point, MI

Dear Millie: I have never heard of any freshwater barnacles. However, I am not as smart as the average marine biologist. In fact, I am dumber than the dumbest marine biologist. With that in mind, I asked my friend Scott Croft of BoatU.S. (who IS as smart as the dumbest marine biologist). Scott was also unaware of any bamacles that reside in fresh waters. What I do know is that saltwater barnacles are a close cousin of, and co-conspirator with, freshwater algae (also known as "pond-scum"). Together they form the "Underwater Anti-Hull Coalition" or UAHC which has as its mission to "diminish the performance of recreational watercraft and the destruction all of mankind." They meet on Thursdays.

If any marine-biologists who read this column would like to shed additional light on this subject, please e-mail me.

Dear Readers:

Many of you have sent in e-mails regarding my top 10 lists of "Boating Ad Campaigns That Never Made It." Several of the letters were from marina owners asking for slogans for their businesses or for products that they sell. One of my first top 10 lists nearly five years ago was "Marina Slogans." That list is now in my book, but I am working on another. Perhaps it will be ready in the next month or so. The following is the third edition of "Boating Ad Slogans That Never Made It." If these slogans don't make you want to buy, nothing will:

Even More Boating Ad Slogans That Never Made It

1. Rod Holders: "For those who like to fish, but don't actually enjoy holding the rod."

2. Pullit Windlasses: "Reduce marital fights on your boat by 40%, Guaranteed!"

3. Rodney's R.I.B.s: "Bigger than your dinghy."

4. Designer Dock Lines: "When you've run out of things to buy ..."

5. Dock Box: "As big as a coffin, and twice as much fun."

6. 12-Volt Automated Inflating Machine: "We Blow So You Don't Have To!"

7. VHF Radio: "Find out why CB's were so popular in the '70s."

8. Dock Steps: "Because you're not getting any younger ..."

9. Fenders: "They smell great when they're new ..."

10. Rite-On Hull Cleaner: "We succeed where the other 648 hull cleaners fail."

Cap'n Drew Brown is the author of "What's A Hoy? A Guide to Modern Boating". Send questions via e-mail to www.capndrew.com.

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