Changing the face of feminism - Column

A year ago my life was like a feminist ghetto. Every decision I made had to be filtered through my image of what was politically correct for female empowerment. Everything had a gendered explanation, and whatever didn't fit into my concept of feminism was "bad, patriarchal and problematic."

I couldn't be intimate with a male friend who once called someone a pussy. I couldn't live with a partner because I would never be able to maintain my independence. I couldn't utter thoughts of dislike or jealousy toward another woman because that would mean I was unfeminist.

My existence was an ongoing state of saying no to many elements of the universe. The parts of me that didn't mesh with my ideals made me feel insecure and confused about my values and my identity. Curiosity about pornography and sadomasochism, an attraction to a stable domestic partnership, feelings of competitiveness with other women - not to mention a desire to start a business and a love for people who challenged and sometimes flatly opposed my feminist beliefs - represented contradictions to my sense of how to make feminist revolution that I had no idea how to reconcile.

The ever-shifting ideals of feminism have left many young women and men struggling with the reality of who we are. As one woman said to me at a small midwestern college where I was giving a lecture, "I feel I can't be a feminist because I am not strong enough, not good enough, not disciplined enough." Depending on which feminist mythology she was exposed to, she believed that to be a feminist one must (1) live in poverty, (2) critique constantly, (3) never marry, (4) censor pornography and/or (5) worship the goddess.

Today, too many people believe that a feminist must never compromise herself She can never make concessions for love or money, and she must always be devoted to elevating her gender. Many young women fear that if they want to own a BMW or want to be treated "like a lady" or listen to misogynist hip-hop or occasionally prioritize racial oppression over gender oppression, then they will not be allowed to consider themselves part of a history of societal transformation on behalf of women.

From my experience talking with young women, it has become clear to me that we are struggling with more than the media's distorted characterizations o feminism. For many of us, embracing feminism suggests an identity and a way of life that does not allow for individuality or complexity. We fear that the identity will dictate and regulate our lives, that it will force us to choose inflexible and unchanging sides: female against male, Black against White, oppressed against oppressor, good against bad.

This way of ordering the world is especially difficult for a generation that has grown up transgender, bisexual and interracial. Many of us were raised knowing and loving people who are racist, sexist and otherwise afflicted. For us, the lines between "us" and "them" are often blurred. As a result, we find ourselves seeking to create identities that include more than they exclude, or that explore rather than define.

Luckily, many young women and men are determined to bring their bright minds and conscious commitment to feminism as an ongoing movement for social change. They are looking beyond the boundaries of what is "correct" and "incorrect" and broadening the notions of who and what constitute a feminist community.

I, for one, am continuing to build upon a legacy that challenges the patriarchy yet encourages the confidence it takes to theorize one's own life. While honoring my complexities, I have found common ground with feminism.

Rebecca Walker is a cofounder of Third Wave, a young women's activist organization. This essay is adapted from her anthology To Be Real: Telling the Truth and Changing the Face of Feminism (Anchor Books, $25).

COPYRIGHT 1996 Essence Communications, Inc.
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