Askcap'ndrew

Dear Cap'n Drew:

We are new to boating and just purchased an '86 Catalina 27. We are concerned that we might be getting obsessive and "weird." We no longer bring pictures of the kids to family functions ... we now bring pictures of the boat. I'm afraid that our friends are starting to look on us as if we have become snobs. We don't feel as though we are snobs, we would just rather be boating than with them ... how do we explain that? We hope you can explain what is happening to us. We are starting to wonder if counseling might help.

--Dave, Gail & "Luff Story" from Gig Harbor, WA

Dear D, G, & "LS":

What you're experiencing is very common. There is certainly no need for counseling. Don't worry about it at all. It's perfectly normal to spend extra time on your boat when you first acquire it. You don't need your friends anymore. You're better than them now. You will meet new people, people with boats, better people -- and they will become your new friends. If your family can't understand this, it might be best to avoid contact with them for awhile as well. After all, negative input from people in your previous life can slow the learning process with your wonderful new sailboat. Hope this helps. Enjoy!

Dear Cap'n Drew:

I overheard a conversation at a dock where one boater said to another, "she's got bottom blisters." What exactly are "bottom blisters?"

--Confused in Sacramento

Dear Confused:

Actually "bottom blisters" is not a boating term at all. The man must have been speaking about his wife. Bottom blisters are blisters that appear on a woman's derriere that look like friction bums. I believe that they are caused by playing tennis because my wife seems to get them whenever she spends time with her tennis instructor.

Dear Cap'n Drew:

I was out with guests on my boat last week when I ran aground. We weren't moving too quickly and nobody was hurt, but everyone was very mad at me. You mentioned in your book that you run aground all the time. What is a good response to angry passengers when this happens?

--Need a comeback in PA

Dear Needy:

Since it's your boat, nobody has any right to complain about how you handle it. I always keep a mental fist of canned answers that I give to my guests in just such a situation. Here they are; I hope it helps.

Things to Say to Guests When You Run Aground:

* "There was a restaurant here last week. I swear."

* "Get out!"

* "I just wanted to stop and check my clam traps."

* "I've never had any problems here before, perhaps you should go on a diet."

* "Actually, these new windshields taste pretty good, don't they?

* "We're here!"

* "Whoa! Dead Whale!"

* "I promised the U.S. Geological Survey that I would check this spot regularly"

* "We're staying right here until you buy some gas!"

* "Oh, just pick up your teeth and stop whining."

* "Ok, this is the end of the road for you. Pass the cement."

Cap'n Drew Brown is the author of the boating humor book "What's A Hoy? A Guide to Modern Boating." Send questions via e-mail at www.capndrew.com.

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