Terry gets tough

You may have heard that best-selling author Terry McMillan's 30-year-old husband Jonathan Plummer--the Jamaican tenderoni who rocked her world so hard that she imported him--announced to her and to the national media that he is gay. You may have heard that the 54-year-old Terry has filed for divorce, and that he's contesting the prenup he signed back when they married in 1998.

You may have heard a lot of things about the nasty public breakup of this very public couple. Now hear this: Terry's just fine, thank you very much. This sister doesn't wear pain well. And if you saw her during her recent 13-city book tour to promote her latest novel, the hilarious Interruption of Everything, you would know that for yourself.

When I caught up with the author of favorites like Waiting to Exhale and Disappearing Acts at the Ritz-Carlton in D.C., the curtains of her suite weren't drawn and she wasn't in a fetal position. She was no longer reeling from the betrayal or from the embarrassment of having her business dragged all out in the street. The shock had subsided; now she was fighting mad. Take-off-your-earrings-and-slap-on-some-Vaseline mad. So mad that our scheduled hour-long interview stretched into a three-hour, freewheeling vent (language cleaned up for these pages).

The first things she wanted to make clear: Yes, she has been tested. No, she doesn't have HIV. And as far as she's concerned, she's not splitting profits from her hit How Stella Got Her Groove Back, the story loosely based on her relationship with Jonathan, which had sisters flocking to the Caribbean in search of their own sweet young thangs.

With her signature round-the-way candor and fiery spirit, Terry shared vivid details about sex, lies and a marriage coming apart from its early days, and her own psychoanalysis of her soon-to-be ex. As McMillan v. Plummer makes its way through California's courts this fall, you can bet the next chapter in Terry's real-life tale will be even more compelling than the last. And no matter how it ends, this heroine will look to love again.

Essence: When you last spoke with ESSENCE, for the July issue, we asked how you were doing. You said, "Jonathan, my husband, is good, and we're happy." It must have been very difficult to ...

Terry McMillan: To tell that lie?

Look, the reason I said we were happy was because I didn't think it was anybody's business what I was going through. I know a lot of people who've gone through a divorce and kept it from the public. I thought we could get a private judge, so it would all be done under seal, and my business wouldn't be all over the Internet. What I didn't know is that both parties have to agree to a private judge. And if one party has nothing to lose and everything to gain from your stuff going public, of course he'll object.

Essence: Seems you were the last person to get in on Jonathan's secret.

T.M.: Everybody's like, "How come she couldn't see he was gay? She's writing all these books and everything, you'd think the sister would know." I didn't find out Jonathan was gay until December 16 of last year, when he told me. And I didn't suspect him of anything before that. You can't see it when somebody is acting. What I know is he treated me good. He'd send me flowers after a night of good sex. You know, "Last night was beautiful, Terry," and it was. He was never as masculine as other men I'd been with. But now his whole look and demeanor have changed. When we were married, his eyebrows weren't plucked. He never wore lip gloss. Never crossed his legs. He was good; he fooled me. But this is deeper than a divorce, bigger than his being gay.

Essence: What's it about?

T.M.: I'm dealing with failure to disclose sexual preference and the ability to contest a prenup. And I believe that I was dealing with a sociopath. Sociopaths want to win at all costs. Some covet what you have. In my case it was fame, money and the opportunity to become a U.S. citizen. Jonathan is jealous of me, my success. That's why people like me women with money, with notoriety are their targets. And the smarter you are, the more of a target you are.

Essence: So you really didn't see it coming?

T.M.: People say, "Couldn't you see the signs?" And that's why, when it happens, some people don't say a thing. Because they're feeling ashamed, stupid, guilty, thinking people will say they're dumb. I don't feel stupid. I wasn't dumb. I was vulnerable. I was in love. There's a big difference. This could have happened to anybody. But this should be a crime. Sneaking. Risking my life. How much money could I get if I was HIV-positive? Our lives are being risked and we--women with men who sleep with men--don't even know it. [Jonathan contends he has never cheated on Terry.]

The bottom line is, people can sue you for any reason they want to. Even if you have a valid, binding legal contract like my prenup. That's why people settle because it's easier to pay someone to get the hell out of your life and leave you alone than it is to pay lawyers to litigate it.

Essence: Would you ever settle?

T.M.: Hell, no! Are you crazy? I was generous to Jonathan. I said, you can get a college education, get a car. But you will get no spousal support. Why should you make out better by divorcing me than by being married to me? So if he's saying this prenup was one-sided, well, you're damn right! What did he bring to the table? No, you cannot have half. I worked for everything I have, and you think I was going to let some 24-year-old who might be playing me get my money?

He doesn't understand that I save records of everything: E-mail, correspondence, press, banking, telephone bills, credit cards. My mama's funeral papers, my son's report cards, first tooth, hair from his first haircut. Anything worth keeping. So I went back through all my statements. His phone calls to the same numbers 30 or 40 times a day--they tell the truth.

Essence: It seems your relationship has been unraveling for some time. What made you think something was wrong?

T.M.: I've found stuff in my house that let me know he knew all along that he was gay. He said he just realized this. He had a boyfriend. He's been doing this a long time. He doesn't know how much I know.

In 2002 I discovered he was stealing my money, and I was going to divorce him then. [Jonathan acknowledged in court documents that he withdrew $60,000 from his wife's account but says she gave him her ATM card.] But I really didn't want to do it then because my son was graduating from high school and had just been accepted at Stanford. I'd spent 23 grand on a graduation party, and I was writing the commencement speech. I told Jonathan that he wasn't spoiling this time for me and my son.

I went to an attorney on Christmas Eve of last year. January 13 I kicked him out of the house. Then I filed for divorce. He had no place to stay, so I put him up in a hotel for three weeks. He was sworn in as a U.S. citizen on January 20. He filed a motion in April to contest the prenuptial agreement.

Essence: What does Jonathan want?

T.M.: He wants a "fresh start." He feels I should be willing to share some of the money I made so he can run around and be a U.S. citizen and be gay. I told him, take this to court: One, you're not getting any of my money. Two, you aren't the first person who tried to sue a writer. You got 10 percent. It was a gift. You were not entitled to it. And the book wasn't about you. It was about Stella's trying to give herself permission to love Winston, a medical student. He had integrity. He was honest. He loved her. And he wouldn't be doing this.

Essence: Why did you fall in love with Jonathan?

T.M.: Same reason most people fall in love. He made me melt. I wasn't a gurgling fool, but everybody wanted something from me. And Jonathan didn't seem to want anything. My life was busy and hectic. He comforted me. I couldn't go to sleep without his arms around me. And his arms stayed around me all night. Before I went to sleep he kissed me. When I woke up he kissed me. He made me feel beautiful. Now I know it was all an act.

Essence: Do you think Jonathan ever loved you?

T.M.: Yes and no. I might be as close as he's going to get to feeling it, because I don't think he knows what it really feels like to love somebody.

Essence: How are you handling the hurt and anger?

T.M.: Sometimes I have a moment when I realize just how much I'm handling, and I cry. But it doesn't last. This is what Black women do--we hold everything up. My mama had five kids by the time she was 23, and sometimes I don't even know how she made it through the day.

I'm past hurt, past pissed off. I'm outraged. Incensed by the lack of recourse. Hell, he's still driving around in my truck.

Essence: It wasn't just you who was fooled. How did this affect your son, Solomon? How is he helping you through this?

T.M.: Solomon was worried most about AIDS. He never really thought of Jonathan as his stepdad because Jonathan was so young. They were never adversaries, but I'd say that Jonathan was jealous of Solomon.

Essence: What are you doing to move forward?

T.M.: I've got books to write. I have a life. It doesn't revolve around Jonathan. You don't fall apart because of a man. Men aren't your life. They should complement your life.

Essence: Will this stop you from taking risks again?

T.M.: "Think you'll ever trust again? Think you'll ever marry again?" Everybody asks that. Ugh.

Essence: Well, I have to ask.

T.M.: The reason I wrote Stella in the first place was to give myself permission to experience the happiness I was feeling. I was willing to take the risks. Just because one man breaks your heart doesn't mean every one of them will. One bad apple don't spoil the tree. It took me 44 years to meet somebody like this. I'd never been betrayed like this, never been deceived, never been conned, never been tricked.

You can't let this stuff make you distrust others. Most men are honest and decent. But if they do cheat, they should pay for it.

Essence: What do you want sisters to take from this? What did you learn about yourself? And how will you use this experience to create?

T.M.: I want women to know that the things he thought would harm me have had a lot of positive results. When I walk out onto a stage, I get a standing ovation before I open my mouth. Sisters see me standing there, I'm not freaking out, not having a nervous breakdown, and I'm not faking it. This has only made me stronger. They're getting strength from that.

I've probably written more than a thousand pages just for my own sanity, to accept the fact that this is happening. But everything I've written about this has been cathartic, and after a while I won't have too much to say. Because I want to erase him. I'm not gonna let him become baggage.

Essence: So we can assume that you're going to be all right?

T.M.: You know, it's amazing how many people have come up to me and said, "Terry, I'm so sorry," as if somebody died. I'm not dying. This is not the end of the world. Far from it. On many levels I'm relieved.

I believe this happened for a reason. I think God chose me because He knew I could handle it. I was hurt. But I'd already stopped loving this man because he had disappointed me. My fans realize I didn't just make this up. This is real. I'm glad that makes me seem more real.

Robin D. Stone is a frequent contributor to Essence.

COPYRIGHT 2005 Essence Communications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group