i was elton's lover for five years- and i know he's marrying the

I WAS THE best man at Elton John's first marriage, to Renate Blauel in 1984, and I have just realised that when he ties the knot with David Furnish on Wednesday in Windsor, he will be the first person I can think of to have legally married both a woman and a man.

I met Elton in 1970 when I was 21 and working at EMI as an AR man and he was 23. I remember this hip, shy young man. There was a gawky sweetness about him. He had already been spotted by Beatles publisher Dick James and had made the Empty Sky album, but he gave me some new songs he had written. He was an awkward flirt.

The songs were beautiful and it became the Elton John album.

I was his first boyfriend and we lived together as lovers for five years. He was my first great love and I was his. I went on to become his manager for 25 years.

So here is Elton at the age of 58, and he has found his soul mate. I have, too. I have been with my partner, James, a 41-year- old doctor, for 15 years and we are getting married next year.

He gave me a diamond eternity ring last year. I would like him to be protected if anything were to happen to me and so we will get married - although I prefer to call it a union.

Tony Blair and my good friend Margaret MacDonagh, who helped draft the civil partnerships law, deserve a lot of credit for what is a profound social change.

I grew up in Paisley in the west of Scotland. My father was a welder and being gay was not acceptable. I was the only gay in the village, which is why I came to London.

When Elton and I met he had had a girlfriend, and he wasn't openly gay.

Everyone in the business knew we were together but it wasn't until 1976, when a Rolling Stone journalist asked him about his sexuality, that Elton admitted he was bisexual.

I remember when he told a friend he was moving in with me - I have always been openly gay - the friend said: "What! You might as well hang a flag outside the window."

At first, we lived in the Water Gardens block of flats above Safeway in Edgware Road. He's great fun to live with but boy is he house-proud. He still is.

Everything has to be spotless. He hates mess, he can't cook, his clothes are immaculate, he sings made-up ditties in the bath and he loves vacuuming. He's brilliant at it. I was more of a washer- upper. He simply cannot cope with an unmade bed.

He was too shy to go clubbing much so we had parties in the flat with friends like Mark Bolland, even though Elton hated the mess afterwards.

The vast leaps in style were exhausting. He would go out one day with brown hair and return the next with pink.

One day he drove off in his Escort and I said it wasn't very rock and roll.

He returned that afternoon with a purple Aston Martin. I am quite conservative.

I used to describe our relationship as trying to hold back a racehorse.

He was always a mighty spender and in the early days we went a bit mad. He gave me a yacht for my 25th birthday.

Once he came into our office dressed as a 1940s cigarette girl with a tray hanging around his neck. Instead of packets of cigarettes, the tray was full of red Cartier boxes containing watches and jewellery. It cost over Pounds 100,000.

He has no concept of money. I have seen him spend a million in an afternoon.

"We'll just make some more," he would say when I got angry. He doesn't see it as excess. 'You gotta live," he always told me.

He is overwhelmingly generous and it became a competition. "What are you into now?" I asked him once in Paris.

"Emeralds," he said.

I was about 26 and knew nothing about emeralds. I went to Bulgari and picked out the largest ring I could find.

I gave it to Elton and he loved it.

Unfortunately I had misread the price. I thought it was 100,000 francs. It was a million (about Pounds 100,000).

There was a point where I had seven houses but now I just have one, here in Mayfair, which suits James and me just fine. Elton stills loves his houses.

He has five: Windsor, Holland Park, Nice, Atlanta and Venice.

I had a fantastic time working with him but that kind of talent isolates you and that can be difficult. There are dark corners in Elton's mind that no one will ever grasp, least of all him.

Professionally, he has never doubted his ability. Soon after we met I remember seeing him at the Albert Hall and I couldn't believe that the humble, reticent guy I had fallen in love with was also an incredible powerhouse performer.

A stadium of half a million never fazes him but I have seen him nervous walking into a room with six people.

David has helped him overcome that.

They fit perfectly together and they will have a blast being married.

BUT he can be tricky. Having seen them together I know David is good for Elton because he doesn't tolerate the tantrums - he gives as good as he gets - and he is professionally independent.

In his personal life, Elton's big saving grace is that he can be bloody funny. The public doesn't see this.

He's a brilliant mimic and can do all the Goons. He is all fuss and bluster and then he starts doing Spike Milligan or Harry Secombe.

We had a symbiotic relationship and I learned a lot from him. Generosity of spirit was the most important. David's life will be better for having been so close to Elton.

Did he change as he became more successful? No. He was always difficult. He hates it if you leave the top off the toothpaste - bless him - and if anyone touches his record collection he goes ballistic. He does not lend people anything. He would rather just buy it for them.

Our relationship ended because Elton had never had a sexual adolescence, and he needed to go off and play the field, which he did with gusto.

By this time he was the biggest star of the Seventies and we were living in a house in Virginia Water. He said he wanted a bigger house and the split just happened. There were no dramas.

We've always helped and supported each other through our problems - especially alcohol. Elton made me go and see the wonderful therapist Beechy Colclough at the Promise Clinic in Bedfordshire after he went through rehab in 1990 and when I came out, he helped me through it.

It was me who called to tell him Gianni (Versace) had been killed. Lots is written about Elton's coterie but they really were best friends. He was devastated. They had the same sense of the ridiculous.

I was also with him when John Lennon was shot. He loved John.

Elton has always been insecure about his looks - our flat was full of mirrors - and I had to try to reassure him. I remember when his hair was going and he was going for a weave, and I said, do it.

I was pretty shocked, but supported him wholeheartedly, when he announced he was going to marry Renate, who was a recording engineer.

She was divine.

I was in a hotel lobby in Australia and in they walked. 'We're getting married," he said, beaming.

I knew from his eyes that he meant it. He told me he hoped it would "fix" him. I hoped it would work out but deep down I knew it was doomed.

Four days later they got married - he didn't want any presents then either, by the way. She really loved him and he had a lot of love for her.

They were married for almost five years and she was hurt when they broke up but there was no deceit. It took Elton a while but he has seen her since. He has the utmost respect for her. Now, thanks to the new law, he is marrying David - as early as he legally can.

Elton and I have had our - much publicised - difficulties over money (isn't it always the case?), but that is in the past now and I am happy for them both. I feel differently about their marriage than I did about Renate. It will work, it is not doomed.

I don't know David particularly - we were always wary of each other. He is a nice man, but we had a little problem when he made the fly-on-the-well documentary about Elton, Tantrums and Tiaras. I had spent years ensuring his tantrums were never in the public domain.

I shouldn't think Elton is going to invite me to the wedding. I ran into Cilla [Black] the other night and she said she would be going, and so will lots of our old friends, such as Rod [Stewart] and Elton's new best friend, Sharon Osbourne. It will be fun.

David's best friends are Patrick Cox, Elizabeth Hurley, Victoria Beckham and Paul O'Grady.

The ceremony will essentially figure just Elton's mum, his stepfather, Fred, and David's parents. The party will be a riot. I am pleased Elton has said no to having it filmed. He was offered more than Pounds 6 million.

JAMES and I haven't planned our ceremony yet. We won't be adopting a child, though. I have a problem with older gay people doing that. You know how cruel children can be at school.

I don't think gay people should ape heterosexual marriage, it's obviously a different structure. Also, those who are entering into it - not just Elton and David or me and James - should have been together a long time.

I really hope young people take it seriously and don't view it as the chance for a big, fun camp day.

Untangling it will be difficult if it goes wrong. As Joan Rivers said, why should heterosexuals have all the trouble with divorce?

However, the new law should help overcome any residual homophobia, which can only be a good thing.

What do I do now? I still have the odd project on the go. Last year I produced The Graduate in the West End and on Broadway, and was a judge on X Factor Australia. James and I have just had a grownup gap year and been travelling pretty much non-stop for 12 months.

I think Elton is much more comfortable in his own skin now than he has ever been and that is down to David.

He supplies all his emotional needs now, which is how it should be.

Will I get a last-minute invitation? I don't think so. I wish them well.

Maybe I'll send them a toaster.

. The fee for this article has been donated to the Elton John Aids Foundation.

(c)2005. Associated Newspapers Ltd.. Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.