Claws out for George

A MIDDLE-AGED, somewhat overweight MP smoking a cigar and prancing around in a red leotard. But for once it isn't George Galloway.

It is Stephen Pound, Labour member for Ealing North - and rest assured: the chest-baring, Lycra look is not some bizarre new fashion for portly Parliamentarians.

It was simply the eighth annual Parliamentary Palace of Varieties show, when MPs stop taking themselves so seriously. Mr Pound was - well, there are no prizes for guessing the target of his satire.

Put it like this: there was catlike parading on all fours, robotic dancing - why won't that small dog come when I whistle? - and his performance at St John's, Smith Square, was greeted with a chorus of "miaows".

As Mr Pound said as he showed off his leotard before the performance: "Didn't you know? This is what all self-publicising ex- Labour MPs are seen in nowadays."

He was on stage with Liberal Democrat-Lembit Opik - who wore yellow waterproofs in what one can only hope was an attempt at humour and not a sign of further sexual revelations to come from the Lib-Dems - and the Tories' Nigel Evans in a Wizard of Oz sketch about their respective quests for new leaders. Tony Blair and his failure to turn up for the religious hate laws debate, which the Government lost by one vote, also came in for good-humoured derision.

Labour MP Ian Cawsey, lead singer of MP4 - a Commons rock band which performed hits including Alice Cooper's Elected, announced: "We are going to play three or four songs tonight. Forgive us, we are not very good at counting, I mean, what does 'one' matter here or there?"

Proceeds from the evening will go to Macmillan cancer relief, and organisers hope to top the Pounds 91,000 raised last year.

More fury at gallivanting Galloway

GEORGE GALLOWAY is again abandoning his constituents by embarking on a grand tour of the country - barely a week after returning to work following his Celebrity Big Brother antics.

The Bethnal Green and Bow MP will be speaking at more than 40 locations from Lewes in East Sussex to Liverpool. The speaking tour includes six one-man shows, titled An Audience With George Galloway. But half of the seats, priced between Pounds 11 and Pounds 21, have yet to be sold. Mr Galloway, 51, will also spend his time campaigning for his Respect party.

While his absence has infuriated voters, a spokesman for Mr Galloway denied the MP was neglecting his duties, saying a lot of the events are at the weekend.

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