10 Rules for Daily Living - Brief Article

Rarely does someone fail because of a lack of expertise. More likely, failure results from not getting along well with others. How well we connect one-on-one with individuals who flow in and out of our lives affects everything from sibling rivalry to conflict between competing management cultures.

Who you are, how you think and feel and behave toward others are far more significant than your superintendent job description or educational accomplishments.

I have finally discovered that I want and need quality communication with others, not only for vocational networking with other superintendents, but also for enjoyment and personal growth. I've discovered that I'm now more impressed with people who are kind than with people who are smart and that I have a great deal to learn from those who are kind.

We all need to belong, to feel we fit somewhere with other people in situations where we don't fear or experience rejection. I know I need to feel that what I do as superintendent in my community has value and will leave some small legacy. We all need spiritual faith that helps bring meaning and purpose to our lives. Our human needs are largely the same. What I need you need, too.

Power to Change

Since we're more similar than different, several human behaviors, when practiced, have the power to change our relationships for the better. These behaviors can be summarized as 10 common characteristics that are powerful, simple ground rules for better living, even though they might not be new or particularly profound.

It's taken me a long time, but I think I have finally learned some basic ground rules for living life well. My goal now is to try to embrace these rules.

No. 1: Accept others as I find them and free myself from what I believe a person ought to be. I need to be quick to find good in others, to encourage instead of criticize.

No. 2: Show people I care and can really identify with their needs and feelings. The goal is to empathize with others.

No. 3: Listen assertively. Reading, writing and speaking are not the only communication skills. I need to listen well because the other person deserves it, and I'll learn more by doing so.

No. 4: Do the right thing even if it's inconvenient or unpopular. Do I mean what I say and can others count on me to be trustworthy?

No. 5: Keep commitments. To commit is to remove the back door to a relationship. Rather than head for the exit at the first sign of trouble or inconvenience within my marriage, with close friendships and with colleagues in my school district, I need to better commit to work on the inevitable problems that arise with all close relationships.

No. 6: Be straightforward. An Eastern proverb says, "A friend is someone who warns you." This is a candor that has the other person's best interest at heart. No false flattery here. King Lear's third daughter was the candid one.

No. 7: Be less dogmatic. Pick battles carefully and cut others some slack. Don't take myself too seriously. Don't always insist on my way. Be more concerned with the people around me than simply with making my point or winning an argument.

No. 8: Treat others with dignity. I need to respect the inherent worth of others. Like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman, we all need respect. In the 18th century, English politician Edmund Burke wrote, "Manners and kindness are more important than laws." I need to deal more gently with those I meet along the way.

No. 9: Be more generous and outgoing. When we seek the well being of others, happiness returns to us indirectly. We actually feel better when we go out of our way to be helpful to someone. The mark of a holy person is one who freely gives and forgives.

No. 10: Show enthusiasm, a positive attitude and a sense of humor. It will give me a zest for life and make me more fun to be around.

Enriching Lives

I think almost everyone wants to behave responsibly in relationships, but some are held back by the influence of early socialization and perhaps a culture that conveys that material things are more important than personal relationships. And we are predisposed to demonstrate independence and individual strength and to conceal our emotions.

Men are most susceptible to these relationship barriers. I know [am. I need to be connected but resist for fear of losing my personal freedom. The lyrics from "Me and Bobby McGee" say: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." To go through life keeping my options open yields isolation and loneliness, not freedom.

But I now believe that if I make an honest effort to apply these ground rules for living in my school district, with my family and in the community, I will be more satisfied while possibly enriching the lives of others around me. That's a good deal. I'm going to work at it.

David Smith is superintendent of the Lake Park High School District 108, 450 Spring Court, Roselle, Ill. 60172. E-mail: dsmith@lphs.dupage.k12.il.us

COPYRIGHT 2000 American Association of School Administrators
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