Legislature has closed window on voice of reason

A secret operative -- whose name shall remain nameless -- planted a bug at a meeting of the Utah Tax Reform Task Force . . . a fly on the wall, literally.

(Most observers agree that Utah's tax system is broken. The Task Force is supposed to recommend changes by November.)

Here's what the wired fly recorded:

Legislator No. 1: "The meeting will come to order. You'll find soft drinks and doughnuts on the goodies table. Thanks to the soft drink lobbyists who supplied them."

Legislator No. 2: "We all know Utah taxes are too high. Especially business taxes."

Legislator No. 3: "Right. I'm a businessman. I can't afford more taxes. Now, let's hurry along. I have a golf date in Palm Springs this weekend."

Legislator No. 4: "Taxes bad."

Token woman legislator: "But we should look at all taxes. We need broad-based tax policies to provide for our schools and our highways and other government services."

Legislator No. 3 (to token woman): "My, that's a nice pin you're wearing. I'd like to get one for my wife. Where did you find it?"

Professor of tax statistics: "She's right. Taxes in Utah are not well balanced. We put a heavy burden on wage earners. Sales taxes are not uniform. Property taxes are not well administered. City and county revenues are not keeping up with service needs."

Legislator No. 1: "Hold on, there. Don't mess with my county. My people will take care of themselves."

Legislator No. 5: "But we gave half a billion to highways to move people through the counties. We should help cities and counties maintain roads and support local business."

Learned economist: "Right. The key is business development. If we lower business taxes, we'll attract new businesses."

Voice of reason (through an open window): "No well-managed business ever made a location decision based on taxes."

Legislator No. 2: "Close the window. There's a draft in here."

Legislator No. 4: "Taxes bad."

Governor's spokesman: "We want to concentrate on business- friendly tax policies. We know most business growth will occur along the Wasatch Front, but it'll help everyone. It's the old trickle down effect."

Legislator No. 1 (under his breath): "Trickle is fickle."

Token Demo: "If you ask me . . . "

Chorus: "We didn't."

Utah's taxpaying citizens: Knock, knock.

Legislator No. 1 (quietly): "Who's at the door?"

Legislator No. 2: "Them."

Legislator No. 1: "Ignore them. We know what's best for Utah."

Voice of reason: "What's best for everyone is a strong state commitment to education."

Legislator No. 2: "I told you to close the gol-durned window."

Statistician: "We'll have a hundred thousand new students in our schools in a decade. We need a hundred new school buildings and thirty-five hundred new teachers."

Legislator No. 7: "That's a local problem. We're only talking about state taxes."

Legislator No. 6: "But most school districts tax to the limit allowed by state law. The same with counties and cities. They can't do anything unless we give them some help."

Legislator No. 4: "Taxes bad."

Legislator No. 3: "I won't vote to give local areas more taxing authority . . . and don't even think about sharing more state revenue with counties."

Legislator No. 8: "Schools have too much money. They should get back to the three R's. Teach kids to work. So-called 'liberal education' is un-American."

Voice of reason: "Most money spent on consumer goods leaves the state, but money spent on schools and teachers stays at home to strengthen local businesses."

Legislator No. 2: "For crying out loud, close the window!"

Utah's taxpaying citizens: Knock, knock.

Legislator No. 6 (quietly to neighbor): "Did that new home of yours in St. George suffer any flood damage?"

Legislator No. 5 (quietly): "A little. But the loss was covered by my business insurance."

Legislator No. 9: "Zzzzzz."

Statistician: "Utah's income tax is basically a flat tax. We could spread the brackets a little."

Legislator No. 1: "My campaign donors would raise a stink. I could never vote for it."

Legislator No. 8: "Who's doing lunch?"

Legislator No. 3: "The utility lobby. It'll be catered by Bambara."

Token woman legislator: "Before the caterers bring in the food, someone swat that fly on the wall."

SPLAT!

G. Donald Gale is president of Words, Words, Words Inc. He was formerly editorial director at KSL. He earned a Ph.D. at the University of Utah and was awarded an honorary doctorate by Southern Utah University. E-mail: dongale@words3.com

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