A ray of hope

Josephine Sharples describes how a creative writing and computer course changed the course of her life

Over the last 20 years I have been in and out of hospital on a mental health ward because of my depression. The last time was when I was so bad the doctors put me on a section, because I just wanted to die as 1 could not see any future. During my stays on the ward, I found them very boring as there wasn't anything to do all day. While I was on a section I was told that the local college was coming in, and would I like to go to any of their classes on creative writing and laptops? At first I said no, as I was not good at spelling and had never touched a computer in my life.

The nurse I was under talked me into just going to have a look at what it entailed, and now I can say it has changed my whole life. I was made to feel welcome by the tutors, and they said it did not matter about not being able to spell. As my section was for seven months, I found myself looking forward to the classes each week, and enjoyed the work that we were asked to do. My main pleasure was creative writing. I was given a word and I found myself writing a story. Also the laptop course gave me the chance to type my work and print it.

On leaving hospital, the tutor asked if I would like to go to college, and 1 found this a bit daunting, but said 1 would give it a try. Now, three years on, I have just finished my first book on my family history, and am hoping to have it published in the near future. As for laptops, I took a course in City and Guilds 4242 and passed, as well as a course in CLAIT. My husband John was behind me every step of the way, and it was the first time in many years that I had not been in hospital. He bought me a computer so I could work at home.

When my mother died my auntie gave me three cassette tapes, and on them was my mother talking about her life. At one point she was admitted to Winwick - the main mental health hospital in her day - and from what she recalls of the time spent there, it was quite horrendous. She speaks of being in a long ward with iron beds down both walls, and down at the bottom of the ward she describes things like horse boxes, with the top half of the door open. From one of them came a woman's voice shouting: 'Mow the lads down boys, mow them down.' I am glad there have been great changes in the way people with a mental health problem are treated today.

Unfortunately, last year my husband John died suddenly, and at that point I just wanted to give up. But for the college and their constant support, I would most likely have ended up back in hospital. But now I have just started an ECDL course and have just passed word processing and spreadsheets through Learn Direct.

Finally, I would like to share my poem with you - I occasionally write poems during my darkest hours. When you suffer from a mental illness, a lot of people do not understand because they cannot see anything, and I found people would talk to John instead of me. I hope you enjoy my poem. All I can say to anyone is that the college is there 100% for you.

Copyright Pavilion Publishing (Brighton) Ltd. Aug 2005
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