East and West wine bowl? Not - proposal for a wine tasting contest

Following this year's football bowl debacle, I think it is time to face facts. We need an international wine competition playoff to determine the international champion wine of each year.

It is clear that Americans want such a playoff. Each year the wine events of the world are full of fans promoting one wine or another, "Have you tried the Chateau Mal de Mer? It's the best wine here!" or "Louis Carnard has a bottle of his '86 in magnum under the table - it knocks the socks off these California Pinots."

Wineries cite the age of the staves from three forests in two countries which were used to make the four kinds of oak barrels where the wine was aged. Vineyardists proudly announce that their own particular viticultural practices were so successful that they led to cropping levels well below 1/3 of a ton per acre. Marketing directors rant and rave about the total points earned in the top four wine publications, multiplied by computer factors to adjust for pricing level and strength of schedule.

And all lament the fact that their wine is better than the reviews.

I say, if they want an international champion, then let's give them one. What I am proposing is the International Wine Championship - a single elimination tournament to be played around the end of the year that pits the very best wines of the world against each other.

You say that Bordeaux is better than California Cabernet? Put your wine where your mouth is, in a blind tasting, and see who wins. You say that your wine doesn't get the attention it deserves in the marketplace? Enter it in our competition, and let it win the championship.

Let's decide this once and for all. Mano a mano, lengua a lengua.

Just send me four bottles of each wine, plus $100 ($200 if you want to be guaranteed to make it into the second round) and I will take care of the rest. I will drink the wines and announce my international world champion of wine.

Of course, there are three arguments which are always raised against this playoff system.

The first is the difficulty in selecting judges. No problem. I will personally judge every wine. I have been an international wine judge at five different competitions. I have judged wines from virtually every region. And I don't have any more of an axe to grind than any other wine judge.

The second concern is that each wine deserves to be judged on its own merits, for what it is, where it came from, when and where it will be drunk, who will be drinking it, what they like, and how much it costs. Tough beans. Wine is just another commodity, best judged by the people at Consumer Reports.

The third is that no wine judge, no matter how competent, can perfectly approximate the individual tastes of every wine consumer - and as a result every judge is just another variable in this complicated equation.

Bah! Humbug! If you accept those arguments, then you would eliminate all wine competitions entirely!

Hmm.

Paul Wagner is a wine educator whose distinct nose and long finish give him a most peculiar appearance.

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