Repaying the debt: a sense of guilt pervades many males of "Generation X" for putting self-interest above public service

The war in Iraq has brought countless stories of courage and compassion: Two young American soldiers, left behind in the desert due to the fog of war, are found days later thirsty and hungry because they gave much of their food and water to Iraqi civilians.

A severely wounded foreign-born U.S. Marine insists on standing as he takes his oath of citizenship at a Navy hospital and starts sobbing midway as he is overcome by pain and emotion. A soldier loses his leg in battle but bears no ill will and tells the visiting President Bush that it does: "not bother me a bit"

Such examples of honor and sacrifice have made many Americans, including me, beam with pride. But at the same time, I have never felt so ashamed that I myself have failed to serve my country. Speaking to friends and peers, I've discovered that I'm not alone in feeling this sense of guilt.

Call it the Gen-X lament. I am almost 28 years old, have two Ivy League degrees and work at a large New York law firm. By the standards of the upwardly mobile set in Manhattan, I should be content. But something keeps gnawing at my conscience; I am left wondering whether I made a mistake by not sharing in my country's military service.

My generation's parents lived in the age of Vietnam, when respect for the military reached its nadir. Viewing American foreign policy as incorrigibly corrupt, they mainly had disdain toward those in the armed forces. In contrast, we grew up watching medical students rescued by soldiers [on Grenada in 1983] kissing the ground upon reaching American soil, and seeing jubilant Kuwaitis thanking American fighters for liberating them in 1991.

And despite the politically correct prattling of our professors, most of us saw America as a force for good in the world. (Radical chic loses its appeal when you see Chinese tanks crushing students as happened in 1989.)

So while most of us grew up with respect for men and women in uniform, many of us Gen-Xers at the same time arrogantly treated military service as something almost beneath us. It was perfectly fine for a poor or working-class kid who lacked opportunities to enlist in the military, but it wasn't meant for us.

We were more interested in going to a good school, getting a well-paying job and aspiring to be the next Master of the Universe. Too many of us chose dot-com over CentCom.

It wasn't always like this. Only a couple of generations ago, it was not uncommon for someone from a privileged background to have served in the military for a few years, if not for life. Nearly 700 Harvard students died fighting in World War II; about 20 were killed during the Vietnam War.

To be fair, a good number of young Americans from well-to-do backgrounds are in ROTC (at least at schools that have not banished it), attend one of the service academies or have found their own way into the ranks of the armed forces.

I have friends from college and law school who have served in the military. But they represent a small fraction of my peers. Too many ambitious young adults have viewed dedicating a few years to military service during their youth as a hindrance to their manic rush to burnish their paper credentials.

Part of the blame also lies with the Baby Boom generation that continues to view the military with suspicion. Many educated parents boast that their children are doing good in the world when they serve in the Peace Corps, or pursue a public interest career. But why shouldn't service in the military be afforded similar respect and prestige by the so-called "high society"?

The military, unfortunately, has reinforced such elitist assumptions by advertising military service most heavily as an opportunity to earn scholarships or learn job skills. Mottos such as "Army of One" appeal mostly to self-interest.

But the honorable and courageous conduct of so many young Americans in Iraq has done what no slick advertising campaign could do. We have been reminded that serving our country in the armed forces--the subordination of one's selfish goals to service of a greater good--is one of the most noble things any person can do.

Like so many of my peers, I never seriously considered joining the military, and I have come to regret that. This sense of shame for my selfishness is particularly acute as a naturalized American. As my father once told me, America saved him twice--once when it rescued South Korea from communism, and again 30 years later when it welcomed him to a new land.

Several years ago, when my cousin decided to join the U.S. Marines after graduating from high school, I told him he was making a mistake. "You should go to college first" I said. He didn't listen to me. He enlisted in the Marines and then went to college later. Now I am the one who envies him, because he did what so few of us do: He repaid the debt that we all owe to our country, and he did "good" for the world.

KENNETH LEE, a New York City lawyer, Writes regularly for The American Enterprise from which this is reprinted.

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