Keeping your spirits bright during the holiday season

Statistically speaking, if the three wise men were alive today and following not a star but typical American customs for celebrating the holidays, two of them would be perfectly fine. They'd be happily relaxing with their families, drinking eggnog and enjoying their gold and frankincense. The other one, though, would be "myrrhed" in holiday stress. He would be overwhelmed with hanging lights, buying gifts and going to parties. The thought of extended family staying at his house for a week might fill him with dread. Oh, and he'd probably be a she, since holiday stress is more likely to hit women than men.

No question about it, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year -- that is, unless you happen to be part of the one-third of Americans who find Christmas and Hanukkah stressful.

Although anyone can suffer the season's stresses, there are several personality types at special risk.

Perfectionists, people who want every Christmas meal to be absolutely delectable, who want every person to receive exactly the right gift, who want every gift wrapped in exactly the right paper and ribbon, are one category of people at risk. With the possible exception of Martha Stewart, none of us can reach perfection, so expecting the perfect holiday is a setup for feeling stressed-out.

Chronic worriers, people who naturally fret and stew instead of finding comfort and reassurance, are also at risk. There is so much more to worry about during the holidays, and the stakes are often perceived as higher. The elderly, and particularly elderly males, who statistically tend to be more often isolated from family and friends, are another group at risk. And people who are grieving, even if the death or loss they've experienced is not recent, may have painful memories or feelings to deal with.

A final group of people at special risk for holiday stress are those who have a biological predisposition to mental illness. For people with bipolar disorder, seasonal affective disorder, depression or other mental illnesses, the stress and additional emotions associated with the holidays can worsen their disorder.

As you go through your holiday paces, you may have reason to realize that you are suddenly not having such a wonderful life. Look for these symptoms:

* Constant muscle tension.

*Inability to relax.

* Always feeling pressed for time, rushing through task, appointments, meals, etc.

* Resentment, anger, frustration, irritability.

* Appetite changes.

* Sleep disturbances.

* Exhaustion, either emotionally or physically.

* Lack of joy, feeling empty, having no enthusiasm.

If you feel any of these symptoms coming on, it's time for you to take action. One of the most important things you can do is prioritize. During times of stress, people commonly perceive their needs as equally important. Stress steals our ability to discriminate between what's important and what's not. During such a time, you'll really have to focus yourself to decide what truly needs your attention and energies and what can be skipped or eliminated.

Another coping strategy is to involve others. The holidays often mean an extra workload, which in a family usually falls on mom. Regardless of who's carrying the burden, this is a time to share or delegate tasks and chores to others. Not only does that relieve pressure, but it may even give you a chance to be engaged with your family and experience the joy of being together.

Learning to relax is another way to stave off a blue, blue Christmas. Holiday stress can cause your body to become tense. As a result, you may experience muscle spasms, headaches and backaches. Your immune system may drop its defenses, or you may have difficulty sleeping due to a mind racing with anxieties and worries.

One of the best ways to relax is through deep breathing. Research shows such breathing calms heart and pulse rates, decreases blood pressure, relaxes both muscles and the gastrointestinal tract, makes the immune system function better and starts a chemical cascade in the brain that results in a sense of inner tranquility.

You may also be able to relax and attain a greater sense of patience and peace through visualization. Take a few minutes each day to envision yourself in a situation that is calm and serene. You're likely to find that sense of calmness then extends beyond your visualization to your life.

Most important of all, get back to roots of what the holidays are all about: connection. While we enjoy giving and receiving gifts, the holidays are really a time to be connected to family and friends. The more connected you are, the stronger (and less stressed) you will be.

At the same time, stay connected to your spirituality. For many, the holidays are a time to focus on religious faith. But even if you do not have religious faith, spirituality can also be felt in connection to nature or community. If you focus on believing in a higher power, so much the better, since research indicates that belief itself brings health benefits such as a strengthened immune system and heightened ability to cope with stress.

Dr. R. Murali Krishna is the president and chief operating officer of Integris Mental Health, one of the state's largest providers of mental health services.

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